IELTS Writing Correction Service
Writing Samples
Band 4.5

Should the government support artists, such as musicians, writers, and painters? Is it economically benefical or is it just a waste of money? Why or why not?

Is it sensible for the power to fund troupes, including musicians, writers, and painters? Is it an economically sound decision
or
Punctuation problem
, or
show examples
 would it be a waste of money? In my opinion, a supporting list will surely contribute to a rise in the economic curve.
This
Linking Words
 essay will discuss the benefits of supporting artists.
In addition
Linking Words
, art has become a popular source of entertainment in many countries in recent days, especially in music, acting and content creators, the impacts of which can be observed not only in the economy but various other areas of society. There are several advantages for the government which support the public figure.
Firstly
Linking Words
, the public figure has become
famous
Punctuation problem
famous,
show examples
 it can
be made
Wrong verb form
make
show examples
 an impact on the state and provide financial income.
For instance
Linking Words
, Korean music and singers have an international fan base, the positive outcomes of which are not only restricted to the music industry in Korea but
also
Linking Words
 play a vital role in economic and cultural outspread.
Moreover
Linking Words
, we can observe
the
Correct word choice
that the
show examples
 film industry in countries like India has always been an integral part of society
with
Punctuation problem
, with
show examples
 some of its best pieces in educating people and bringing out the voices of minority sections.
On the other hand
Linking Words
, responsibility can bring assurance to all areas of society, the art field
in particular
Linking Words
, as it generates the most economically precarious jobs. To encourage people to pursue art as it can result in desirable financial gains, incentives
such
Linking Words
 as minimum wages or accessible venues for the list to display their artwork could be beneficial. In conclusion, the benefit of supporting public figures
such
Linking Words
 as troupes, musicians, writers, and painters should have an impact on the economy of a government.

Unauthorized use and/or duplication of this material without express and written permission from this site's author and/or owner is strictly prohibited. Excerpts and links may be used, provided that full and clear credit is given to Writing9 with appropriate and specific direction to the original content.

structure
Make a clear plan before you write. Start with a short view that says your main point. Then use two or three ideas with a small example for each.
coherence
Work on the flow. Use linking words to move from one idea to the next. Use 'also','but','however','for example' to connect thoughts.
content
Be more precise in the point. Each idea should have a little detail to show why it helps or not.
vocabulary
Change some long, hard phrases into short, clear lines. Use common words and short sentences.
task response
Check your ending. A good conclusion restates your view and gives a short note on why.
idea
You show the idea that government money can help art, not just art itself.
example
Examples from real countries are used, which makes your point feel real.
Fully explain your ideas

To get an excellent score in the IELTS Task 2 writing section, one of the easiest and most effective tips is structuring your writing in the most solid format. A great argument essay structure may be divided to four paragraphs, in which comprises of four sentences (excluding the conclusion paragraph, which comprises of three sentences).

For we to consider an essay structure a great one, it should be looking like this:

  • Paragraph 1 - Introduction
    • Sentence 1 - Background statement
    • Sentence 2 - Detailed background statement
    • Sentence 3 - Thesis
    • Sentence 4 - Outline sentence
  • Paragraph 2 - First supporting paragraph
    • Sentence 1 - Topic sentence
    • Sentence 2 - Example
    • Sentence 3 - Discussion
    • Sentence 4 - Conclusion
  • Paragraph 3 - Second supporting paragraph
    • Sentence 1 - Topic sentence
    • Sentence 2 - Example
    • Sentence 3 - Discussion
    • Sentence 4 - Conclusion
  • Paragraph 4 - Conclusion
    • Sentence 1 - Summary
    • Sentence 2 - Restatement of thesis
    • Sentence 3 - Prediction or recommendation

Our recommended essay structure above comprises of fifteen (15) sentences, which will make your essay approximately 250 to 275 words.

Discover more tips in The Ultimate Guide to Get a Target Band Score of 7+ »- a book that's free for 🚀 Premium users.

What to do next:
Look at other essays: