IELTS Writing Correction Service
Writing Samples
Band 4

Should the government support artists, such as musicians, writers, and painters? Is it economically beneficial or is it just waste of money? Why or why not?

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Some individuals contend the notion that encouraging authority to several celebrities,
such
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 as musicians, authors, and painters would be beneficial to increasing the economy of some regions. I argue the standpoint that it will be detrimental to the government economically.
This
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 essay will discuss several reasons why the government should not backing well-known society. Famous individuals are financially stable.
To begin
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 with, artists with numerous talents could earn an amount of money by showing their talents. They could earn
wage
Fix the agreement mistake
wages
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 easily rather than
public
Correct article usage
the public
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 in general. One example is an artist who has the ability as an author and has numerous books that are already known by the public around the world, they might have
completely
Add an article
a completely
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 huge opportunity to earn more payment by selling their books.
Moreover
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, if they were not as famous as celebrities but had the capacity as a writer, they still could make more money
rather
Rephrase
apply
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than other
community
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communities
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 who do not have the ability to.
Therefore
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, the authority does not need to spend
fund
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funds
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 on them. Another thing is that celebrities could be famous for their own creation. First of all, artists’ work could attract
public’public’
Correct your spelling
public public
 attention by doing anything that they could do. By doing
this
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, people around the world would likely pay attention to them and be more likely to
backing
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back
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 them.
Furthermore
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, the support of the public might be supplying them with some
check
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checks
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.
For instance
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, if they do live on TikTok and attract several followers to watch their video,
then
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 their followers could give them
wage
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wages
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while
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 they are live on the app. In conclusion, there are two reasons why the government should not
backing
Wrong verb form
back
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well-known
Correct article usage
the well-known
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 public.
First,
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they are already financially stable and the second one is they could easily attract people’s attention to earn more salary.

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task response
You have provided a partial response to the task. While you argue that government support for artists would be detrimental to the economy, you have not fully developed this argument or addressed the potential benefits that proponents of government support may argue. Consider presenting a more balanced argument and providing evidence and analysis to support your claims.
coherence cohesion
The logical structure of your essay is generally clear, with an introduction, body paragraphs, and a conclusion. However, your arguments lack coherence and cohesion. Make sure to use appropriate linking words and phrases to connect your ideas and improve the flow of your essay.
lexical resource
Your use of vocabulary is satisfactory, but lacks variety and sophistication. Try to incorporate more diverse and precise vocabulary to enhance your essay's lexical resource.
grammatical range
Your grammatical range is limited, with several errors in sentence structure and verb tense. Pay closer attention to your grammar and revise your sentences for clarity and accuracy.

Your opinion

Don’t put your opinion unless you are asked to give it.

If the question asks what you think, you MUST give your opinion to get a good score.

Don’t leave your opinion until the conclusion.

Here are examples of instructions that require you to give your opinion:

...do you agree or disagree?...do you think...?...your opinion...?

Discover more tips in The Ultimate Guide to Get a Target Band Score of 7+ »— a book that's free for 🚀 Premium users.

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