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Writing Samples /
Band 4.5

The graph below shows the number of enquiries received by the Tourist Information Office in one city over a six-month period in 2011. Summarize the information by selecting and reporting the main features and make comparisons where relevant.

The graph below shows the number of enquiries received by the Tourist Information Office in one city over a six-month period in 2011. Summarize the information by selecting and reporting the main features and make comparisons where relevant.
#enquiries #tourist #information #office #city #period #features #comparisons
The graph demonstrates the
number
 of
enquiries
recieved
Correct your spelling
received
 by the tourist Information Office in a city over a six-month period in 2011.
Overall
it is clear that
,
Remove the comma
apply
show examples
enquiries
from
Change preposition
by
show examples
telephone
Add an article
a telephone
the telephone
show examples
 is
in
Change preposition
at
show examples
 the peak
by
Change preposition
of
show examples
 900
persons
Replace the word
people
show examples
 in January. Meanwhile, information requested by letter/email was
drasatically
Correct your spelling
drastically
dramatically
 reduced in 6 months. In the
begining
Correct your spelling
beginning
, the
number
 of persons has enquired via letter and email was drastically reduced and
enquiries
 by telephone were increased.
While
enquiries
Change preposition
apply
show examples
by
Change preposition
apply
show examples
in person
Correct subject-verb agreement
were
show examples
was
Correct subject-verb agreement
were
show examples
 more aggressively increased in the six months. There
was
Correct subject-verb agreement
were
show examples
an
Correct article usage
apply
show examples
compulsory changes that
has
Unnecessary verb
apply
show examples
happened even in a month. The
number
 of persons
requested
Correct pronoun usage
who requested
show examples
 information through
letter
Fix the agreement mistake
letters
show examples
 and
email
Fix the agreement mistake
emails
show examples
 has reduced because of
dominant
Add an article
the dominant
show examples
 role of telephone
call
Fix the agreement mistake
calls
show examples
.
In contrast
, the total
number
 of
enquiries
have
Unnecessary verb
apply
show examples
received during
the
Correct article usage
apply
show examples
January month was approximately
same
Correct article usage
the same
show examples
in
Change preposition
apply
show examples
amount. Later by comparing other modes
communication
Change preposition
of communication
show examples
, the individuals who have
went
Change the verb form
gone
show examples
 directly to
tourist
Correct article usage
the tourist
show examples
 office are the most.
Submitted by insighttribez on

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Introduction: The introduction is missing.
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Introduction: Change the first sentence in the introduction.
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Introduction: The chart intro is missing.
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Introduction: The chart intro is missing.
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Vocabulary: Rephrase your introduction. Words match: 77%.
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Vocabulary: Replace the words number, enquiries with synonyms.
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Vocabulary: Rephrase the word "number of" in your introduction.
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Vocabulary: The word "information" was used 3 times.
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Vocabulary: The word "number of" was used 4 times.
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Vocabulary: The word "increased" was used 2 times.
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Vocabulary: The word "reduced" was used 3 times.
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Topic Vocabulary:
  • number of inquiries
  • Tourist Information Office
  • six-month period
  • increased steadily
  • reached a peak
  • decreased slightly
  • increased dramatically
  • experienced a gradual decline
  • general trend
  • highest number
  • lowest number
  • significant increase
  • tourism interest
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