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Writing Samples
Band 6

Becoming a well-known person, like a popular movie icon or a sports personnel has benefits and drawbacks. Fame can bring enormous success to a person and can change one’s life

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Fame
Use synonyms
 undoubtedly changes a person's life.
Nevertheless
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,
such
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 changes are not always for the better; in fact, for all professions, from movie stars to sports personalities, being a celebrity has challenges
as well as
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 benefits. Undoubtedly,
fame
Use synonyms
 can be extremely rewarding.
Firstly
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, there is the sense of personal
fulflilment
Correct your spelling
fulfilment
 that must come from making your family proud of what you have achieved.
Secondly
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,
celebrities
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 can reap enormous financial rewards from their
fame
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. On top of their fees, the famous have the potential to earn huge amounts of money from promoting luxury brands. A type of
weaith
Correct your spelling
wealth
that is
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 possible because
celebrities
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 are often seen as role models, and so people want to copy them and buy what they have. Being
a
Correct article usage
the
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 focus
for
Change preposition
of
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 the world's attention is clearly lucrative.
However
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, achieving
this
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 status is not without its problems.
First,
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celebrities
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 can no longer live a normal life. If they visit public places,
such
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 as malls and bars, people will crowd around them demanding a picture or autograph. To avoid
this
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, the famous are forced to live in gated communities, visit the most expensive restaurants and hotels, and hire personal
body guards
Correct your spelling
bodyguards
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 for themselves and their families.
Second,
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being a public figure means that your life is like an open book. The public
love
Correct subject-verb agreement
loves
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 to gossip about the lives of
celebrities
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, so it is almost impossible for them to have any privacy.
As a result
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, the famous can be made to feel isolated and under siege.
To sum up
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, whilst being famous brings huge financial benefits, there are even more significant drawbacks. In my view, only those who manage to handle the problems associated with
fame
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,
Remove the comma
apply
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 can truly be said to reap its rewards.

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task achievement
Ensure clarity and comprehensiveness of your ideas by adding more specific examples or case studies.
coherence cohesion
Aim to reduce minor spelling errors, such as 'fulflilment' which should be 'fulfillment', to enhance readability.
coherence cohesion
The structure is well-organized, with a clear introduction and conclusion.
task achievement
The essay successfully balances the benefits and drawbacks of fame.
coherence cohesion
Logical flow of ideas with good use of transition words.

Answer the 'Advantages and Disadvantages' topic

IELTS advantages and disadvantages questions normally give you a statement and ask you to comment on the advantages and disadvantages of that statement.

Answer structure for the type of essay

  • Introduction
  • Body paragraph 1 – advantages
  • Body paragraph 2 – disadvantages
  • Conclusion

Examples to start your body paragraph:

  • The main advantage is...
  • The disadvantage of this...
  • The main benefit...
  • Despite these advantages...
  • One possible drawback...

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