In today's world, people spend a lot ofmoney on appearance because they wantto look younger. Why does this happen? Doyou think this is a positive or negative de-velopment?

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Nowadays, an increasing number of people spend money on themselves to have a better look. I hold a negative opinion regarding

this

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phenomenon for the following two reasons. On the one hand, paying significant attention and funds to

the

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apply

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appearance may affect the normal operation of

society

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, even increasing the crime rate. If the family exaggerates their outlook rather than their necessities

such

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as food and accommodations in daily life, they might end up with huge bill problems and even do illegal things to pay for plastic surgery. Beauty standards always change , so folk keep trying to be perfect but they will never be satisfied with their faces. It will make the group addicted to beauty surgeries.It is not only unhealthy for their bodies but

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has a bad influence on the nation because they might deplete the money for these surgeries which may even lead them to commit crimes.

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this

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trend can

also

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have dangerous effects on the younger generation within the family. The parents pay a lot of attention to their beauty and ignore their children’s education and growth will have a negative influence on kids' mental health.

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neglect might lead to depression among the young community.

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, children might learn from their parent's behaviour, they will

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spend more time on their appearance than on studying, which will lead to less attention to practical things and prevent

society

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's growth. Students might begin to compare their looks with others, leading to discrimination in schools. In conclusion, from my point of view, if people spend a lot of money on appearance, it will lead to an increase in the crime rate in

society

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and affect children's mental health. These are all very negative developments. Over time,

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development will make the whole

society

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regress.

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, I believe there will be many solutions to

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negative situation in the future.

cyh000823Mon Nov 18 2024

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task achievement

Consider providing more specific examples or evidence to support your arguments, especially in the second body paragraph regarding children’s education and mental health.

coherence and cohesion

Be mindful of grammar and punctuation, especially in long sentences. Breaking them into shorter sentences can improve clarity.

coherence and cohesion

Try to balance your paragraphs to ensure that each one fully explores the point you are making, similar to what you did in the first paragraph.

task achievement

The essay presents a clear opinion on the topic, and the arguments are relevant to the question posed.

coherence and cohesion

The introduction effectively sets the stage for the arguments that follow, and the conclusion summarizes your position well.

Fully explain your ideas

To get an excellent score in the IELTS Task 2 writing section, one of the easiest and most effective tips is structuring your writing in the most solid format. A great argument essay structure may be divided to four paragraphs, in which comprises of four sentences (excluding the conclusion paragraph, which comprises of three sentences).

For we to consider an essay structure a great one, it should be looking like this:

Paragraph 1 - Introduction

Sentence 1 - Background statement
Sentence 2 - Detailed background statement
Sentence 3 - Thesis
Sentence 4 - Outline sentence

Paragraph 2 - First supporting paragraph

Sentence 1 - Topic sentence
Sentence 2 - Example
Sentence 3 - Discussion
Sentence 4 - Conclusion

Paragraph 3 - Second supporting paragraph

Sentence 1 - Topic sentence
Sentence 2 - Example
Sentence 3 - Discussion
Sentence 4 - Conclusion

Paragraph 4 - Conclusion

Sentence 1 - Summary
Sentence 2 - Restatement of thesis
Sentence 3 - Prediction or recommendation

Our recommended essay structure above comprises of fifteen (15) sentences, which will make your essay approximately 250 to 275 words.

Discover more tips in The Ultimate Guide to Get a Target Band Score of 7+ »— a book that's free for 🚀 Premium users.

6
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meeting the goal of 7 or more
1
Word repetition
meeting the goal of 3 or fewer
1
Grammar mistakes
detected issues

0123456789.0505

Overall Band Score

Coherence and Cohesion: 6.0

Logical structure

Introduction & conclusion present

Supported main points

Accurate linking words

Variety in linking words

Lexical resource: 8.0

Varied vocabulary

Accurate spelling & word formation

Grammatical Range: 8.0

Mix of complex & simple sentences

Clear and correct grammar

Task Achievement: 5.0

Complete response

Clear & comprehensive ideas

Relevant & specific examples

Appropriate word count

4 paragraphs

310 words

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In today's world, people spend a lot ofmoney on appearance because they wantto look younger. Why does this happen? Doyou think this is a positive or negative de-velopment?

Fully explain your ideas

For centuries, Iportant parts os education have remained such as reading, writing, maths. With the advent of computers sompe people think that computer skills be made as fourth skill to the list. To what extent do you agree?

Some cities have vehicle-free days, when private cars, trucks, motorcycles are banned in the city center. Public transportation like buses, taxis and metros are advised. To what extent do you think the advantages outweigh the disadvantages?

"prevention is better than cure". Research and treating is too costly. so it would be better to invest in preventive measure. To what extend do you agree.

Fossil fuel is the main source of energy. In some countries, the use of alternative sources of energy is encouraged. To what extent do you think is it a positive or nagetive development?