The movements of people from the villages to the cities for work has caused a lots of problems in both places. What are the serious problems associated with this? What measures can be taken to solve these problems?
The movement from villages to the cities has become an upward trend in recent days.
Unevitably
, Correct your spelling
Inevitably
this
uncontrolled and fast moving
trend has resulted in various trouble for both places. Add a hyphen
fast-moving
This
essay will explain these problems
along with
suitable measures.
Unfortunately, migration from villages to cities may result in a wide range of problems
. In terms of problems
which have negative
impact on city dwellers, Add an article
a negative
this
uncontrolled moving lead
to an increase in the Replace the word
led
number of
population, and Correct quantifier usage
apply
end
with a housing crisis. Since the existence Wrong verb form
ended
houses
Change preposition
of houses
not
able to cover the rising demand, the cost of Add a missing verb
is not
the
rents Correct article usage
apply
rise
remarkably. Correct subject-verb agreement
rises
Hence
, most of
people may face unaffordable rent costs and they have to move to Change preposition
apply
suburbs
. On the other Correct article usage
the suburbs
hands
, Fix the agreement mistake
hand
abovementioned
rising population Correct article usage
the abovementioned
problems
may lead to congested traffic
due to
the number of cars in traffic
rise. Therefore
, city residents may face a
Correct article usage
apply
traffic
jam
Fix the agreement mistake
jams
,
and car Remove the comma
apply
crash
. Fix the agreement mistake
crashes
Moreover
, since the number of
population far exceeds the public transport vehicle’s capacity, people may pack Correct quantifier usage
apply
in
bus, Change preposition
on
subway
.
Correct word choice
or subway
Adressing
these Correct your spelling
Addressing
problems
is a comprehensive process. For instance
, for solving
the housing Change preposition
to solve
problems
, governments may implement new laws which support to construct
Replace the word
construction
new
Change preposition
of new
residenteal
Correct your spelling
residential
area
Fix the agreement mistake
areas
in
affordable Change preposition
at
price
. For Fix the agreement mistake
prices
this
aim, policymakers may incentive
the Correct your spelling
incentivise
bulding
sector with tax breaks. Turning to the measure the transportation concerns, governments may invest in public transportation infrastructure like adding new subway Correct your spelling
building
line
and Fix the agreement mistake
lines
rising
the sessions of buses. Verb problem
increasing
Moreover
, authorities may support society toward cycling instead
of using their own vehicles in order to mitigate the traffic
congestion.
In conclusion, solving the uncontrolled and fast paced
migration toward cities Add a hyphen
fast-paced
center
may result in numerous issues. In order to measure these Change the spelling
centre
problems
government should focus on the root causes by implementing new laws and investing in the
public Correct article usage
apply
transportaion
. With well-rounded and Correct your spelling
transportation
long term
plans these Add a hyphen
long-term
problems
may be solved in the future.Submitted by ilaydailday on
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Task Response
Overall, your essay provides a clear and comprehensive response to the task. However, it would have been better if you had discussed the problems for both the villages and the cities separately. This would have allowed for a more balanced analysis and a stronger argument. Additionally, you could have provided more specific examples to support your points.
Coherence and Cohesion
Your essay demonstrates a logical structure and is well-organized. However, you could improve the cohesion by using more linking words and phrases to connect your ideas more effectively. Additionally, make sure to use clear topic sentences in each paragraph to guide the reader through your arguments.
Lexical Resource
Your use of vocabulary is varied and appropriate. However, consider using more academic language and phrases to enhance the formal tone of the essay. Additionally, be careful with word choice to avoid repetition and improve clarity.
Grammatical Range
Your essay demonstrates a good command of grammar with minimal errors. However, to further improve your score, try using more complex sentence structures and a wider range of grammatical constructions. This will add sophistication to your writing.
Support ideas with relevant, specific examples
Examples make your writing easier to understand by illustrating points more effectively.
Examples, if used properly, not only help you get higher marks for ‘Task Response’ but also for ‘Coherence’.
When giving examples it is best to put them after your main idea or topic sentence. They can be used in the middle of supporting sentences or they can be used to start a new sentence. There is no rule for where exactly to give examples in essays, logically they would come after your main idea/topic sentence or just after a supporting sentence.
Linking words for giving examples:
- for example
- for instance
- to illustrate this
- to give a clear example
- such as
- namely
- to illustrate
- take, for example
Essentional vocabulary list for IELTS Writing 7+
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