IELTS Writing Correction Service /
Writing Samples /
Band 5.5

Some people think that mobile phones should be banned in public places like libraries, shops and on public transport. To what extent do you agree or disagree with this statement?

#people #phones #places #libraries #shops #transport
In recent days, mobile phones are being used by many individuals anywhere and anytime.
While
 most
people
 think that these devices should not
use
Wrong verb form
be used
show examples
 in local areas, I agree with those who think that
those
Correct pronoun usage
they
show examples
 should,
in addition
 these tools are more important for two main reasons. On the one hand, with the development of technologies,
smartphones
 have
variety
Correct article usage
a variety
show examples
 types of features and some of them are vital for
people
 who have health problems. Most in
case
Fix the agreement mistake
cases
show examples
, these are used as a reminder of their health conditions. For a say, diabetes patients have an application which reminds them to check their blood sugar level or apply their insulin shot.
Therefore
, they can easily track their glucose levels and injection times, resulting
them
Change preposition
in them
show examples
 preventing possible crises.
For
this
 reason, the use of these devices in every location is very significant.
Moreover
,
smartphones
 become a new type of navigator in humans’
life
Fix the agreement mistake
lives
show examples
.
People
 can find their way easily if they have never been there before.
For instance
, for tourist, their phone applications are
guide
Correct article usage
a guide
show examples
 when they visit new countries. With them, they can reach any
destinations
Fix the agreement mistake
destination
show examples
 without problems and any extra
efforts
Fix the agreement mistake
effort
show examples
.
However
, if they do not use their mobile devices
while
 travelling, they might face many issues, of
those
Correct determiner usage
the
show examples
 most common ones is being lost, which
lead
Correct subject-verb agreement
leads
show examples
 to high anxiety. As a
results
Correct the article-noun agreement
result
show examples
,
smartphones
 are very beneficial for visitors too. To reiterate,
although
 some think that
people
 should not have
smartphones
 in public places, I completely believe that using them in every place and
every
Change preposition
at every
show examples
 time is important in many cases,
such
 as situations which
is
Change the verb form
are
show examples
 related to health problems and travelling.
Submitted by shakhzodbekmirzaev7 on

Unauthorized use and/or duplication of this material without express and written permission from this site’s author and/or owner is strictly prohibited. Excerpts and links may be used, provided that full and clear credit is given to Writing9 with appropriate and specific direction to the original content.

Task Achievement
Make sure to directly address the question prompt and provide a clear opinion on whether you agree or disagree with the statement.
Coherence and Cohesion
Organize your ideas in a logical manner, with each paragraph focusing on a specific point and supporting it with relevant examples.
Lexical Resource
Expand your range of vocabulary by using a wider variety of words and phrases to express your ideas.
Grammatical Range
Pay attention to your sentence structure and grammar to avoid errors and ensure clarity.

Include an introduction and conclusion

A conclusion is essential for IELTS writing task 2. It is more important than most people realise. You will be penalised for missing a conclusion in your IELTS essay.

The easiest paragraph to write in an essay is the conclusion paragraph. This is because the paragraph mostly contains information that has already been presented in the essay – it is just the repetition of some information written in the introduction paragraph and supporting paragraphs.

The conclusion paragraph only has 3 sentences:

  • Summary
  • Restatement of thesis
  • Prediction or recommendation

Example:

To summarize, a robotic teacher does not have the necessary disciple to properly give instructions to students and actually works to retard the ability of a student to comprehend new lessons. Therefore, it is clear that the idea of running a classroom completely by a machine cannot be supported. After thorough analysis on this subject, it is predicted that the adverse effects of the debate over technology-driven teaching will always be greater than the positive effects, and because of this, classroom teachers will never be substituted for technology.

Start your conclusion with a linking phrase. Here are some examples:

  • In conclusion
  • To conclude
  • To summarize
  • Finally
  • In a nutshell
  • In general

Discover more tips in The Ultimate Guide to Get a Target Band Score of 7+ »— a book that's free for 🚀 Premium users.

Essentional vocabulary list for IELTS Writing 7+

Learn how to write high-scoring essays with powerful words.
Download Free PDF and start improving you writing skills today!
Topic Vocabulary:
  • Distraction
  • Etiquette
  • Tranquility
  • Prohibit
  • Intrusive
  • Courtesy
  • Essential communication
  • Public decorum
  • Designated areas
  • Safety concerns
  • Noise pollution
  • Digital etiquette
  • Enforcement measures
  • Civic responsibility
  • Silent mode
  • Connectivity
  • Invasiveness
  • Social norms
  • Policy implementation
  • Moderation
What to do next:
Look at other essays: