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Band 2.5

People attend college or university for many different reasons (for example, new experiences, career preparation, increased knowledge). Why do you think people attend college or university?

#people #college #university #experiences #career #preparation
In
this
 day and age, after graduating from high school, the majority of the population has to decide whether they should go to
university
on
Change preposition
to
show examples
 take
agap
Correct your spelling
a gap
gap
 year or to work.
The people
Correct article usage
People
show examples
 go to college or
university
 has many different reasons. In
this
 essay, 2 main ideas to support my opinion will be experience. To be
with
Correct pronoun usage
with them
show examples
, students can gain more knowledge. They can learn many different subjects.
For example
, if their major is Economics, they will learn basic
mathematica
Correct your spelling
mathematics
mathematical
in
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at
show examples
 first level and
then
 at higher levels. They will learn accounting, auditing, finance… The students can find suitable work with their major in the future if they have knowledge!
Besides
, they can
also
 learn soft
skills
. There are many school activities like team building,
club
Fix the agreement mistake
clubs
show examples
,
Correct word choice
and event
show examples
event
Fix the agreement mistake
events
show examples
…. where they can learn communication
skills
, leadership
skills
. Remembering these
skills
 will help them build better relationships and jobs in the future. When they do homework, presentation…they can learn public speaking
skills
,
team work
Correct your spelling
teamwork
show examples
,
confident
Replace the word
confidence
show examples
… Later, they will easily learn and participate in activities
as well as
 be able to lead. From the main ideas I gave, I see that studying
college
Change preposition
at college
show examples
 or
university
 has many benefits for us, helping us have time to prepare for the future. Please go to college or
university
 to get more benefits.
Submitted by teachingqa272 on

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coherence cohesion
You need to add clear topic sentences at the beginning of each paragraph to establish the main idea clearly.
coherence cohesion
Your essay lacks a proper introduction and conclusion, which are essential for framing your arguments and summarizing your points. Please ensure that your essay has these components.
task achievement
It is important to develop your main points with specific details and examples to enhance the clarity of your arguments. Try to include relevant examples that directly support your ideas.
task achievement
Ensure you respond fully to the essay prompt by directly addressing the question asked. Expand on your reasons and provide a thorough explanation of your views.

Fully explain your ideas

To get an excellent score in the IELTS Task 2 writing section, one of the easiest and most effective tips is structuring your writing in the most solid format. A great argument essay structure may be divided to four paragraphs, in which comprises of four sentences (excluding the conclusion paragraph, which comprises of three sentences).

For we to consider an essay structure a great one, it should be looking like this:

  • Paragraph 1 - Introduction
    • Sentence 1 - Background statement
    • Sentence 2 - Detailed background statement
    • Sentence 3 - Thesis
    • Sentence 4 - Outline sentence
  • Paragraph 2 - First supporting paragraph
    • Sentence 1 - Topic sentence
    • Sentence 2 - Example
    • Sentence 3 - Discussion
    • Sentence 4 - Conclusion
  • Paragraph 3 - Second supporting paragraph
    • Sentence 1 - Topic sentence
    • Sentence 2 - Example
    • Sentence 3 - Discussion
    • Sentence 4 - Conclusion
  • Paragraph 4 - Conclusion
    • Sentence 1 - Summary
    • Sentence 2 - Restatement of thesis
    • Sentence 3 - Prediction or recommendation

Our recommended essay structure above comprises of fifteen (15) sentences, which will make your essay approximately 250 to 275 words.

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