IELTS Writing Correction Service /
Writing Samples /
Band 4.5

Smoking tobacco is becoming increasingly popular among young people with potentially serious effects on their health. Explain some reason for this problem and suggest some possible solutions.

#tobacco #people #effects #health #reason
One of the widely discussed issues nowadays is smoking
tobacco
 considerably increasing its popularity in younger society. It is undeniable that smoking
tobacco
 has become an essential part of our lives.
However
, these days even the younger generation started to use
that kinds
Change the determiner
that kind
those kinds
show examples
 of abysmal things. One of the main aspects of the problem is that smoking
tobacco
 or something worse, can easily destroy our health. One of the main reasons behind
that is
tobacco
 includes nicotine, which gives you addiction to that chemical substance.
This
 could lead to terrifying consequences or might result in your lungs. To tackle
this
 problem people should to start think about their health and future.
In addition
, they must begin going to a psychologist.
This
 may be the easiest and so best way to handle that illness.
Otherwise
, they will finish their lives. Having weighed everything mentioned up, we can conclude that,
this
 kind of stuff was not worth our lives. Cause, human life is the most valuable and priceless thing in our humanity.
Nevertheless
, if young people do not stop using
tobacco
, it would not be surprising to see some tones of graves shortly. Actions must be taken urgently,
otherwise
, we will get deplorable results.
Submitted by aikumarbekarys on

Unauthorized use and/or duplication of this material without express and written permission from this site’s author and/or owner is strictly prohibited. Excerpts and links may be used, provided that full and clear credit is given to Writing9 with appropriate and specific direction to the original content.

coherence cohesion
The introduction and conclusion are missing from the essay. Ensure to include a clear introduction that introduces the topic and provides an overview of the main points to be discussed. Similarly, provide a conclusion that summarizes the main points and provides a final thought or recommendation.
coherence cohesion
The main points are not well supported with explanations or examples. Ensure to provide sufficient evidence and examples to support your ideas. This will make your essay more valid and persuasive.
task achievement
The response to the task is incomplete and lacks depth. Ensure to fully address all parts of the task prompt and provide detailed explanations and examples to support your ideas.
task achievement
The ideas presented are not comprehensive and lack clarity. Ensure to fully develop your ideas and provide clear explanations to enhance the coherence of your essay.
task achievement
The essay lacks specific and relevant examples to support the arguments. Ensure to provide specific instances or evidence to support your ideas.
grammatical range
The essay has numerous grammatical errors and incorrect sentence structures. Pay attention to your grammar and sentence formation to improve the clarity and coherence of your writing.

Fully explain your ideas

To get an excellent score in the IELTS Task 2 writing section, one of the easiest and most effective tips is structuring your writing in the most solid format. A great argument essay structure may be divided to four paragraphs, in which comprises of four sentences (excluding the conclusion paragraph, which comprises of three sentences).

For we to consider an essay structure a great one, it should be looking like this:

  • Paragraph 1 - Introduction
    • Sentence 1 - Background statement
    • Sentence 2 - Detailed background statement
    • Sentence 3 - Thesis
    • Sentence 4 - Outline sentence
  • Paragraph 2 - First supporting paragraph
    • Sentence 1 - Topic sentence
    • Sentence 2 - Example
    • Sentence 3 - Discussion
    • Sentence 4 - Conclusion
  • Paragraph 3 - Second supporting paragraph
    • Sentence 1 - Topic sentence
    • Sentence 2 - Example
    • Sentence 3 - Discussion
    • Sentence 4 - Conclusion
  • Paragraph 4 - Conclusion
    • Sentence 1 - Summary
    • Sentence 2 - Restatement of thesis
    • Sentence 3 - Prediction or recommendation

Our recommended essay structure above comprises of fifteen (15) sentences, which will make your essay approximately 250 to 275 words.

Discover more tips in The Ultimate Guide to Get a Target Band Score of 7+ »— a book that's free for 🚀 Premium users.

What to do next:
Look at other essays: