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Writing Samples
Band 4

Demand for gas and oil is increasing and so finding new sources in remote and untouched areas is a necessity do the advantage of this is outweight the disadvantages

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In the past, our environment
can
Wrong verb form
could
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 provide a vast amount of resources, more than enough for the basic needs of everyone
such
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 as fuel and energy. Nowadays, there has been a scarcity
for
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of
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 natural resources because of rapid population growth. The needs of
people
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 are continuously increasing which diminishes the supply of resources. Because of scarcity,
people
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 are trying to navigate a risky strategy, which can be detrimental not only
for
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to
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 the environment but
also
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for
Change preposition
to
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 the
community
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. In
this
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 essay, I will argue that the advantages of looking for new sources in remote and untouched areas to resolve the increasing demand for
gas
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 and
oil
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 do not
outweight
Correct your spelling
outweigh
 the
disadvatages
Correct your spelling
disadvantages
.
Firstly
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, the significance of mining
gas
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 and
oil
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 in various places around the world that have been protected and preserved by the government may bring enough supply to maintain the lifestyle of the
community
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.
Moreover
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, it may
also
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 develop the location and serve as another
community
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 for
people
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.
For example
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, if miners relocate to a remote
are
Correct your spelling
area
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, they can build a
community
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 in the area in which their families can live.
This
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 development may not only provide
gas
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 and
oil
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 to
the
Correct article usage
apply
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society but
also
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 employment and homes for the
people
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.
On the other hand
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, there is a high possibility that the environment may be abused and result
into
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in
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a
Remove the article
apply
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massive pollution because of incessant mining, particularly in the oceans.
For example
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, the surrounding seas of China
has
Change the verb form
have
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 been polluted because of numerous companies digging for
oil
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 around the country.
Majority
Correct article usage
The majority
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 of its toxic materials killed
thousand
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thousands
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 of living things under the ocean, which affected
food
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the food
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 supply and health of the citizens. The
toxic
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toxicity
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 can stay for decades and its impact is still continuous
that
Correct pronoun usage
which
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 can
also
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 affect
future
Add an article
the future
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generation
Fix the agreement mistake
generations
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. In conclusion, whilst using remote areas to get
for
Change preposition
apply
show examples
gas
Use synonyms
 and
oil
Use synonyms
 can bring supplies, employment and homes, it can
also
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 bring
a
Remove the article
apply
show examples
massive destruction which can affect our children and their children.

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task response
Ensure that you fully address the topic and provide a clear and comprehensive response. You have not thoroughly discussed the advantages and disadvantages of finding new sources in remote and untouched areas.
coherence cohesion
Organize your essay in a logical manner with clear topic sentences and supporting evidence. Ensure that ideas flow smoothly from one paragraph to the next.
lexical resource
Expand your range of vocabulary to express your ideas more effectively. Use a variety of words and phrases related to the topic.
grammatical range
Pay attention to your sentence structure, grammar, and punctuation. Review your essay for any errors and make necessary corrections.

Answer the 'Advantages and Disadvantages' topic

IELTS advantages and disadvantages questions normally give you a statement and ask you to comment on the advantages and disadvantages of that statement.

Answer structure for the type of essay

  • Introduction
  • Body paragraph 1 – advantages
  • Body paragraph 2 – disadvantages
  • Conclusion

Examples to start your body paragraph:

  • The main advantage is...
  • The disadvantage of this...
  • The main benefit...
  • Despite these advantages...
  • One possible drawback...

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