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Band 5.5

It is important for people to take risks, both in their professional lives and their personal lives. Do you think the advantages of taking risks outweigh the disadvantages? Give reasons for your answer and include any relevant examples from your own knowledge or experience.

#people #risks #lives
It is a common belief that
people
 should be more conservative in their lives. I firmly believe that we should try new things as much as we can,and both views are revealed in my next two paragraphs.
Firstly
, playing gambling games is
unfavorable
Change the spelling
unfavourable
show examples
 for most
people
, which has a significant possibility of causing them to lose their money.
People
 are
easy to addict
Replace the word
easily addicted
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 to these games and eventually out of their property.
Secondly
, being less adventurous may be beneficial in the workplace. It is possible to build a creative but highly risky strategy in business, but at the same time, it is prone to cause
a
Correct article usage
apply
show examples
finicial
Correct your spelling
financial
fail
Replace the word
failure
show examples
.
Finally
, some exciting activities are extremely dangerous,
such
 as mountain climbing, a solo road trip, and surfing.
However
, there is always a higher profit in a high-risk investment, as long as using reasonable management,
for instance
, a professional financial team, the possibility of failure can decrease to make a success.
In addition
, accepting challenges
instead
 of being the same in our everyday lives will increase the level of dopamine. A recently released report shows that dopamine can not only improve happiness but
also
 reduce anxiety. At the same time, putting
people
 in desperate situations,
for example
, getting lost in an unknown forest, will help grow our ability and flexibility when facing massive pressure. In conclusion,
while
 there are some disadvantages to avoiding risks, it is evident that
people
 should accept every risk in their lives because we should cherish the chances to make ourselves stronger.
Submitted by vincent3725416 on

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coherence cohesion
Ensure that each paragraph focuses on a single main point and develop it with supporting details and examples.
coherence cohesion
Provide a clear introduction that introduces the topic and a conclusion that summarizes the main points.
lexical resource
Expand your vocabulary and use more appropriate and varied expressions.
grammatical range
Pay attention to sentence structure and grammar to ensure clarity and accuracy.

Include an introduction and conclusion

A conclusion is essential for IELTS writing task 2. It is more important than most people realise. You will be penalised for missing a conclusion in your IELTS essay.

The easiest paragraph to write in an essay is the conclusion paragraph. This is because the paragraph mostly contains information that has already been presented in the essay – it is just the repetition of some information written in the introduction paragraph and supporting paragraphs.

The conclusion paragraph only has 3 sentences:

  • Summary
  • Restatement of thesis
  • Prediction or recommendation

Example:

To summarize, a robotic teacher does not have the necessary disciple to properly give instructions to students and actually works to retard the ability of a student to comprehend new lessons. Therefore, it is clear that the idea of running a classroom completely by a machine cannot be supported. After thorough analysis on this subject, it is predicted that the adverse effects of the debate over technology-driven teaching will always be greater than the positive effects, and because of this, classroom teachers will never be substituted for technology.

Start your conclusion with a linking phrase. Here are some examples:

  • In conclusion
  • To conclude
  • To summarize
  • Finally
  • In a nutshell
  • In general

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Essentional vocabulary list for IELTS Writing 7+

Learn how to write high-scoring essays with powerful words.
Download Free PDF and start improving you writing skills today!
Topic Vocabulary:
  • Opportunities
  • Growth
  • Innovation
  • Challenges
  • Self-discovery
  • Resilience
  • Uncertainty
  • Consequences
  • Calculated risks
  • Stagnation
  • Regret
  • Comfort zone
  • Entrepreneurship
  • Adventurous spirit
  • Thriving
  • Failure
  • Mitigate
  • Reap the rewards
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