It is important for people to take risks, both in their professional lives and their personal lives. Do you think the advantages of taking risks outweigh the disadvantages? Give reasons for your answer and include any relevant examples from your own knowledge or experience.

It is a common belief that

people

should be more conservative in their lives. I firmly believe that we should try new things as much as we can,and both views are revealed in my next two paragraphs.

Firstly

, playing gambling games is

unfavorable

Change the spelling

unfavourable

show examples

for most

people

, which has a significant possibility of causing them to lose their money.

People

are

easy to addict

Replace the word

easily addicted

show examples

to these games and eventually out of their property.

Secondly

, being less adventurous may be beneficial in the workplace. It is possible to build a creative but highly risky strategy in business, but at the same time, it is prone to cause

Correct article usage

apply

show examples

finicial

Correct your spelling

financial

fail

Replace the word

failure

show examples

Finally

, some exciting activities are extremely dangerous,

such

as mountain climbing, a solo road trip, and surfing.

However

, there is always a higher profit in a high-risk investment, as long as using reasonable management,

for instance

, a professional financial team, the possibility of failure can decrease to make a success.

In addition

, accepting challenges

instead

of being the same in our everyday lives will increase the level of dopamine. A recently released report shows that dopamine can not only improve happiness but

also

reduce anxiety. At the same time, putting

people

in desperate situations,

for example

, getting lost in an unknown forest, will help grow our ability and flexibility when facing massive pressure. In conclusion,

while

there are some disadvantages to avoiding risks, it is evident that

people

should accept every risk in their lives because we should cherish the chances to make ourselves stronger.

Submitted by vincent3725416 on Thu Nov 02 2023

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coherence cohesion

Ensure that each paragraph focuses on a single main point and develop it with supporting details and examples.

coherence cohesion

Provide a clear introduction that introduces the topic and a conclusion that summarizes the main points.

lexical resource

Expand your vocabulary and use more appropriate and varied expressions.

grammatical range

Pay attention to sentence structure and grammar to ensure clarity and accuracy.

Include an introduction and conclusion

A conclusion is essential for IELTS writing task 2. It is more important than most people realise. You will be penalised for missing a conclusion in your IELTS essay.

The easiest paragraph to write in an essay is the conclusion paragraph. This is because the paragraph mostly contains information that has already been presented in the essay – it is just the repetition of some information written in the introduction paragraph and supporting paragraphs.

The conclusion paragraph only has 3 sentences:

Summary
Restatement of thesis
Prediction or recommendation

Example:

To summarize, a robotic teacher does not have the necessary disciple to properly give instructions to students and actually works to retard the ability of a student to comprehend new lessons. Therefore, it is clear that the idea of running a classroom completely by a machine cannot be supported. After thorough analysis on this subject, it is predicted that the adverse effects of the debate over technology-driven teaching will always be greater than the positive effects, and because of this, classroom teachers will never be substituted for technology.

Start your conclusion with a linking phrase. Here are some examples:

In conclusion
To conclude
To summarize
Finally
In a nutshell
In general

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11Linking words
meeting the goal of 7 or more
1Word repetition
meeting the goal of 3 or fewer
5Grammar mistakes
 

4 paragraphs

252 words

5.50

Overall Band Score

Coherence and Cohesion: 6.0

Logical structure

Introduction & conclusion present

Supported main points

Accurate linking words

Variety in linking words

Lexical resource: 5.0

Varied vocabulary

Accurate spelling & word formation

Grammatical Range: 5.0

Mix of complex & simple sentences

Clear and correct grammar

Task Achievement: 6.0

Complete response

Clear & comprehensive ideas

Relevant & specific examples

Appropriate word count

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Topic Vocabulary:

Opportunities
Growth
Innovation
Challenges
Self-discovery
Resilience
Uncertainty
Consequences
Calculated risks
Stagnation
Regret
Comfort zone
Entrepreneurship
Adventurous spirit
Thriving
Failure
Mitigate
Reap the rewards

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