Some people believe that success is about hard work and determination. Others think that success has connection with money and personal appearance. Discuss bothviews and give your opinion.

People hold different
view
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views
show examples
about whether
success
is determined by hard work and persistence or money and personal looks.
This
passage will discuss
pros
Correct article usage
the pros
show examples
and cons of claiming each perspective. On the one hand, some citizens believe that the accessibility to
gain
Verb problem
apply
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financial and physical assistance leads to someone's achievement. These supports can give a person more privilege to easily connect with a community owning greater social status.
Nevertheless
,
this
cannot
stays
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stay
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forever if an individual does not have
ability
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the ability
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to adapt towards
dynamic
Correct article usage
the dynamic
show examples
environmental changes of
such
groups. To illustrate, a lady who
spend
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spends
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most of her money
to purchase
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purchasing
show examples
luxury brands
tend
Correct subject-verb agreement
tends
show examples
to struggle more
on
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with
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her
futurue
Correct your spelling
future
financial condition compared to
the
Correct article usage
a
show examples
similar cohort
whom
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who
show examples
has
huge
Correct article usage
a huge
show examples
capability to buy branded stuff regularly.
Hence
,
the
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apply
show examples
success
through
Change preposition
in
show examples
this
way would only be enjoyed temporarily.
In contrast
, others claim that accomplishment is
highy
Correct your spelling
highly
influenced by diligence and determination
sticking
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to stick
show examples
into
Change preposition
to
show examples
a person's character. To explain
further
,
such
characters do not have countable measurement, leading to
create
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creating
show examples
a personal expectation that cannot be compared to anyone else.
As a result
, people striving through
this
mentality tend to achieve more material gains than the ones who solely define
success
with visible things.
For instance
, Mark Zuckerberg,
a
Correct article usage
the
show examples
founding father of Facebook, placed consistency over profitability to realize that
application
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applications
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that
Correct pronoun usage
apply
show examples
can help a larger society.
To conclude
, I believe that
success
is not assessed with anything that
what
Correct pronoun usage
apply
show examples
anyone can see except the mentality to struggle over challenges and threats.
This
perception is proven more sustainable and
entice
Correct subject-verb agreement
entices
show examples
a
Remove the article
apply
show examples
better money, title, and appearance.
Submitted by raviandrakanty on

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coherence cohesion
Ensure that each paragraph has a clear topic sentence and that the ideas within the paragraphs are logically connected.
coherence cohesion
Provide a more concise and focused introduction and conclusion that clearly state your main points and opinion.
lexical resource
Use a wider range of vocabulary to enhance your essay.
grammatical range
Pay attention to sentence structure and grammar to improve clarity and accuracy.

Your opinion

Don’t put your opinion unless you are asked to give it.

If the question asks what you think, you MUST give your opinion to get a good score.

Don’t leave your opinion until the conclusion.

Here are examples of instructions that require you to give your opinion:

...do you agree or disagree?...do you think...?...your opinion...?

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Topic Vocabulary:
  • success
  • hard work
  • determination
  • money
  • personal appearance
  • achievement
  • effort
  • perseverance
  • financial wealth
  • luxuries
  • material possessions
  • self-esteem
  • self-confidence
  • happiness
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