What distinguishes young people from their parents' or grandparents' generation is a lack of physical exercise. Today's generation are spending far too long playing computer games, chatting aimlessly on social networking sites or simply watching TV, and too litle time being active. to what extand do you agree or disagree

#people #parents #grandparents #generation #lack #exercise #computer #games #sites #tv #time #extand

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Nowadays, many young generations spend in short

time

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doing exercise compared to our parents. I strongly believe that developing technology and changing social

behaviour

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which

Correct pronoun usage

apply

show examples

influences the youth’s

behaviour

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activities

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to become lazy doing outdoor

activities

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. Developing technology, like smartphones, is the simplest tool to support daily

activities

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, especially for youth, leading them to never put away their equipment. They are carious regarding the feature , so making them spend more

time

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scrolling down.

For example

Linking Words

, the smartphone offers appealing features

such

Linking Words

as online combination to use

for

Change preposition

apply

show examples

This

Linking Words

feature provides the simplest tools for them to communicate regardless of location or background. They not only can call one by one but

also

Linking Words

can change their mind in a group.

Thus

Linking Words

, leading them to enjoy spending

time

Use synonyms

in the room rather than having exercise.

Moreover

Linking Words

, social

behaviour

Use synonyms

also

Linking Words

influences the young at the moment.

This

Linking Words

is so because they observe

surroundings

Correct pronoun usage

their surroundings

show examples

and follow the trend. Many youngsters argue that if they are not up-to-date with the latest trends, they will be left behind. In terms of that, youngsters can access the latest information from social media, so

this

Linking Words

makes

Verb problem

means

show examples

them

Correct pronoun usage

they

show examples

cannot move away from it.

Thus

Linking Words

, these conditions make them have fear in all situations, leading them

catch

Add the particle

to catch

show examples

up all the

time

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with the screen. In conclusion, either technology or social

behaviour

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trends at present make youngsters more catch up with screens than doing outdoor

activities

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compared to their parents.

Moreover

Linking Words

, observing

this

Linking Words

situation, I suggest their parents should maintain

Use synonyms

time-consuming

Correct article usage

the time-consuming

show examples

smartphones of their parent with implement no phone at night rules.

Submitted by misstiasclassroom on Thu Nov 02 2023

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coherence cohesion

Provide a clearer position statement and support it throughout the essay.

coherence cohesion

Ensure a clear introduction and conclusion that addresses the given topic.

lexical resource

Use a wider range of vocabulary and phrases to enhance the essay.

grammatical range

Pay attention to grammatical accuracy and avoid errors.

Support ideas with relevant, specific examples

Examples make your writing easier to understand by illustrating points more effectively.

Examples, if used properly, not only help you get higher marks for ‘Task Response’ but also for ‘Coherence’.

When giving examples it is best to put them after your main idea or topic sentence. They can be used in the middle of supporting sentences or they can be used to start a new sentence. There is no rule for where exactly to give examples in essays, logically they would come after your main idea/topic sentence or just after a supporting sentence.

Linking words for giving examples:

for example
for instance
to illustrate this
to give a clear example
such as
namely
to illustrate
take, for example

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6
Linking words
meeting the goal of 7 or more
3
Word repetition
meeting the goal of 3 or fewer
7
Grammar mistakes
detected issues

0123456789.0505

Overall Band Score

Coherence and Cohesion: 5.0

Logical structure

Introduction & conclusion present

Supported main points

Accurate linking words

Variety in linking words

Lexical resource: 5.0

Varied vocabulary

Accurate spelling & word formation

Grammatical Range: 5.0

Mix of complex & simple sentences

Clear and correct grammar

Task Achievement: 6.0

Complete response

Clear & comprehensive ideas

Relevant & specific examples

Appropriate word count

4 paragraphs

263 words

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Support ideas with relevant, specific examples

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