IELTS Writing Correction Service
Writing Samples
Band 6

Some people consider sports to be their career in the society. For others it is mostly a work out to stay fit. Discuss both views snd give your opinion

#people #sports #career #society #work #snd
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There has been an ongoing debate among individuals about whether
sports
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 are the most significant activity or it is only a physical exercise, which helps people to be fit. I’d argue that despite the substantial effect of
sports
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 on daily
life
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, it is only
one
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 of the useful activities that human can choose to be healthier in their
life
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. On the
one
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 hand, exercise is vital for human beings since it shapes their
body
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 and prolongs longevity.
Body
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 is the most valuable treasure that anyone owns and with lasting time, it becomes more precious. The key for the
body
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 to be healthy and away from disease is exercise which not only impacts physical
health
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 but
also
Linking Words
 plays a pivotal role in mental well-being.
For example
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, patients who are struggling with cardiovascular diseases have two common mutual features including, obesity and lack of physical engagement.
However
Linking Words
,
sports
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 are
one
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 reason for the severe physical damage and many professional athletes have been affected by permanent injuries.
On the other hand
Linking Words
, the role of
sports
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 in
health
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 is undeniable;
however
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, it is just
one
Use synonyms
 of the spheres of
life
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. Some people take up an individual sport and take to it persistently but they are not in good
health
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. Public hygiene has several dimensions including, physical, physiological, economic, and emotional. that means all of which are of paramount importance.
For instance
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, I had a classmate who was disabled and not able to move
whereas
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 he received the highest grades in the class because he always ameliorated his emotional
body
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.
Consequently
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,
life
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 encompasses several factors which can help people revitalize their power. In conclusion,
although
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 it is argued that
sports
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 are the most essential activity in the world, I believe that human hinges on some criteria, and physical
health
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 is only
one
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 of them.
Submitted by matty.ebadii on

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task response
The essay does not fully address the prompt and lacks a clear and comprehensive discussion of both views. The arguments are not well-developed.
coherence cohesion
The essay lacks a clear introduction and conclusion. These sections should provide an overview of the topic and a clear thesis statement.
lexical resource
The essay demonstrates a sufficient use of vocabulary and includes some relevant words and phrases. However, there is room for improvement in terms of using more precise and varied vocabulary.
grammatical range
The essay shows a basic command of grammatical structures. However, there are a few errors and limited use of complex sentence structures. Work on improving sentence structure and grammatical accuracy.
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