IELTS Writing Correction Service
Writing Samples
Band 6

Some people consider sports to be their career in the society. For others it is mostly a work out to stay fit. Discuss both views snd give your opinion

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There has been an ongoing debate among individuals about whether
sports
Use synonyms
 are the most significant activity or it is only a physical exercise, which helps people to be fit. I’d argue that despite the substantial effect of
sports
Use synonyms
 on daily
life
Use synonyms
, it is only
one
Use synonyms
 of the useful activities that human can choose to be healthier in their
life
Use synonyms
. On the
one
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 hand, exercise is vital for human beings since it shapes their
body
Use synonyms
 and prolongs longevity.
Body
Use synonyms
 is the most valuable treasure that anyone owns and with lasting time, it becomes more precious. The key for the
body
Use synonyms
 to be healthy and away from disease is exercise which not only impacts physical
health
Use synonyms
 but
also
Linking Words
 plays a pivotal role in mental well-being.
For example
Linking Words
, patients who are struggling with cardiovascular diseases have two common mutual features including, obesity and lack of physical engagement.
However
Linking Words
,
sports
Use synonyms
 are
one
Use synonyms
 reason for the severe physical damage and many professional athletes have been affected by permanent injuries.
On the other hand
Linking Words
, the role of
sports
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 in
health
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 is undeniable;
however
Linking Words
, it is just
one
Use synonyms
 of the spheres of
life
Use synonyms
. Some people take up an individual sport and take to it persistently but they are not in good
health
Use synonyms
. Public hygiene has several dimensions including, physical, physiological, economic, and emotional. that means all of which are of paramount importance.
For instance
Linking Words
, I had a classmate who was disabled and not able to move
whereas
Linking Words
 he received the highest grades in the class because he always ameliorated his emotional
body
Use synonyms
.
Consequently
Linking Words
,
life
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 encompasses several factors which can help people revitalize their power. In conclusion,
although
Linking Words
 it is argued that
sports
Use synonyms
 are the most essential activity in the world, I believe that human hinges on some criteria, and physical
health
Use synonyms
 is only
one
Use synonyms
 of them.

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task response
The essay does not fully address the prompt and lacks a clear and comprehensive discussion of both views. The arguments are not well-developed.
coherence cohesion
The essay lacks a clear introduction and conclusion. These sections should provide an overview of the topic and a clear thesis statement.
lexical resource
The essay demonstrates a sufficient use of vocabulary and includes some relevant words and phrases. However, there is room for improvement in terms of using more precise and varied vocabulary.
grammatical range
The essay shows a basic command of grammatical structures. However, there are a few errors and limited use of complex sentence structures. Work on improving sentence structure and grammatical accuracy.
Topic Vocabulary:
  • athletes
  • dedication
  • career paths
  • financial stability
  • inspire
  • fitness
  • promotes
  • healthier lifestyle
  • reduces stress
  • social interactions
  • professional
  • amateur
  • prestigious
  • cultures
  • perception
  • involvement
  • personal growth
  • fulfillment
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