IELTS Writing Correction Service
Writing Samples
Band 8.5

You want to apply for a part-time job. Write a letter to the employer. In your letter: - Introduce yourself. - Explain why you are interested in the job. - Outline your relevant experience and skills.

#job #employer #outline #skills
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Dear Sir/Madam, I am writing to express my willingness to join your firm as a part-time loan recovery agent. I am Jacob, a resident of William Street Colony, Brisbane. I am the IFBB pro bodybuilding champion for 2015 and have a six-month diploma certification from the Institute of Mortgage Services and Management. I am inclined towards
this
 job because
first,
it is a part-time job from 10 am to 2 pm which is suitable to proceed my profession as a part-time morning and evening gym trainer at Gold’s Gym.
Second,
I fulfil all the physical requirements prescribed in your advertisement for
this
 profession. Regarding job experience, I would like to mention that not only do I have nine months of experience in the same portfolio at New Era Company, but
also
 I achieved 90% of my monthly target and a detailed description of it is mentioned in my experience certificate attached herewith. I hope you will consider my letter
while
 scrutinising the final candidates for
this
 post. Yours faithfully, Jacob Brown
Submitted by Mrjit147 on

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task achievement
The letter is well-structured and organized, with clear paragraphs for introduction, reasons for interest, and relevant experience. However, consider providing more detail about how your skills specifically relate to the job responsibilities.
task achievement
Ensure all necessary details are included, such as specific skills that align with the job requirements. Adding a bit more about your customer service skills or experience in loan recovery would strengthen your application further.
coherence cohesion
The letter has a clear and logical flow, making it easy for the employer to follow your points.
coherence cohesion
Your greeting and closing are appropriate and professional.
task achievement
The tone of the letter is formal and suitable for a job application.
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