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Writing Samples
Band 7.5

The table shows the percentage of government expenditure on health care in five countries in 2006 as well as the proportions of 24-30-year-olds working in medical services. Summarize the information by selecting and reporting the main features, and make comparisons where relevant

The table shows the percentage of government expenditure on health care in five countries in 2006 as well as the proportions of 24-30-year-olds working in medical services. Summarize the information by selecting and reporting the main features, and make comparisons where relevant
#percentage #government #expenditure #health #care #five #countries #proportions #services #information #features #comparisons
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The table displays information about the proportion of
government
Use synonyms
 spending used on
health
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 maintenance and the percentage of
individuals
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 from 24 to 30 who worked in medical
services
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 in 2006.
Overall
Linking Words
, the Italian
government
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 is the one that uses the higher amount of their funds on
health
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care
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,
while
Linking Words
 Poland was the one with the lowest spenders, but they had
also
Linking Words
 among the highest proportion of
individuals
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 between 24 and 30 who
work
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 in medical
services
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. 27% of
government
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 expenditure is used for
health
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care
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 in Italy, and 40% of Italian people have a job related to medical
services
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, which was the second highest
overall
Linking Words
. The next country that spends the most on
health
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care
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 is Spain, with 13%, and 34% of
individuals
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 working in the area. Iceland’s
government
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 used 11% of their funds for
health
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care
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, and 29% of
individuals
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work
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 in medical-related
work
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. Finland is the second country that spends the least on
health
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care
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 with only 9%, and only one-fourth of people from 24 to 30
work
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 in
this
Linking Words
 area.
Finally
Linking Words
, Poland
,
Remove the comma
apply
show examples
 is the nation that wastes the least in
health
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care
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, with only 5%, but it has the highest number of people working in medical
services
Use synonyms
, with 54%.
Submitted by elenazheng1211 on

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Linking words: Don't use the same linking words: "overall".
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Conclusion: The conclusion is too long.
Vocabulary: Replace the words government, health, individuals, services, care, work with synonyms.
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Vocabulary: The word "proportion" was used 2 times.
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Vocabulary: Use several vocabularies to present the data in the third paragraph.
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