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Writing Samples
Band 4.5

some people think that the main factors influencing a child's development these days are things such as televesion, friends,and music.others believe that the family still remains more important.discuss both opinions and give your opinion.

#people #factors #child #development #televesion #friends #music
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Clearly, family has a crucial role in
children’s
Use synonyms
development
Use synonyms
.
Although
Linking Words
, some believe that other things
such
Linking Words
 as television, music and friends have a major effect on them. Family is the base
to
Change preposition
of
show examples
children’s
Use synonyms
development
Use synonyms
. The ones with a nice background often grow up to be
a
Correct article usage
apply
show examples
positive
member
Fix the agreement mistake
members
show examples
in
Change preposition
of
show examples
 society.
For instance
Linking Words
, infants who are raised in an orphanage or in abusive families are often destabilized and lost. Even if they grew up watching an educational program or following the steps of their idol
because
Correct word choice
apply
show examples
the first people we look up to are our parents. For that reason, family is the source of good manners and the guide for
development
Use synonyms
.
Nevertheless
Linking Words
, others believe that no matter how good the family is, there are many factors that affect
children’s
Use synonyms
 growth including schools,the internet and entourage. To illustrate, a study showed that 50% of children who grew up in ideal families turn out to be drug addicts or drop out of school.
Which
Correct pronoun usage
This
show examples
 indicates that external factors have a major role in
children’s
Use synonyms
development
Use synonyms
 because they often copy their friends or anyone that looks impressive
for
Change preposition
to
show examples
 them.
Furthermore
Linking Words
, they might try drugs or drop classes only because it seems fun or other students are doing it.
To sum up
Linking Words
, it is the family that provides a supportive, secure and nurturing environment, which is needed for the way in which a child becomes an adult.
Hence
Linking Words
,
it is clear that
Linking Words
 social factors can influence
this
Linking Words
 process, which means it is as important as
household
Add an article
a household
show examples
.
Submitted by kaoutar.eljaouhari50 on

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Coherence and Cohesion
Provide a clear thesis statement in the introduction to clearly address both opinions.
Coherence and Cohesion
Use topic sentences in each paragraph to clearly introduce the main point.
Task Response
Provide more specific examples and evidence to support your points.
Lexical Resource
Expand your range of vocabulary to make the essay more engaging.
Grammatical Range
Pay attention to sentence structures and grammar to improve clarity and coherence.

Fully explain your ideas

To get an excellent score in the IELTS Task 2 writing section, one of the easiest and most effective tips is structuring your writing in the most solid format. A great argument essay structure may be divided to four paragraphs, in which comprises of four sentences (excluding the conclusion paragraph, which comprises of three sentences).

For we to consider an essay structure a great one, it should be looking like this:

  • Paragraph 1 - Introduction
    • Sentence 1 - Background statement
    • Sentence 2 - Detailed background statement
    • Sentence 3 - Thesis
    • Sentence 4 - Outline sentence
  • Paragraph 2 - First supporting paragraph
    • Sentence 1 - Topic sentence
    • Sentence 2 - Example
    • Sentence 3 - Discussion
    • Sentence 4 - Conclusion
  • Paragraph 3 - Second supporting paragraph
    • Sentence 1 - Topic sentence
    • Sentence 2 - Example
    • Sentence 3 - Discussion
    • Sentence 4 - Conclusion
  • Paragraph 4 - Conclusion
    • Sentence 1 - Summary
    • Sentence 2 - Restatement of thesis
    • Sentence 3 - Prediction or recommendation

Our recommended essay structure above comprises of fifteen (15) sentences, which will make your essay approximately 250 to 275 words.

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