The average standard of people's health is likely to be lower in the future than it is now. To what extent do you agree or disagree with this statement?
In future years, the global population´s health will deteriorate.
This
essay will aim to agree with this
statement, given the fact that obesity
is a common comorbidity amongst people
in different age groups, as well as
chronic nicotine abuse in vaping devices.
Obesity
is one of the most concerning diseases in the world and its incidence is rapidly increasing, due to
the fact that people
, nowadays, have bad eating habits, mainly because of all the fast and processed food that can easily be accessed and consumed. Moreover
, people
do not exercise for at least 30 minutes every day, creating the perfect environment for a sedentary lifestyle, in fact, sedentarism
is one of the main reasons for developing Correct your spelling
sedentaryism
obesity
later in life. This
disease leads to other health-related problems such
as metabolic syndrome, high blood pressure, and type 2 diabetes, not only in adults but in children as well. The WHO (World Health Organization) states that 1 in every 3 children has a BMI (Body Mass Index) of over 30, which is considered grade 1 obesity
.
In the past few years, there has been a tendency to vape, especially in adolescents and young adults. These vaping devices contain a great amount of nicotine, making it harmful for people
using them. Overall
, with chronic usage, there is a good chance that teenagers or adults develop pulmonary disease or even cancer in the future. The NEJM (New England Journal of Medicine) has recently posted a clinical case of a 20-year-old male who suffered a cardiac arrest because of vaping.
In conclusion, in the next future years, people
´s health will degenerate, consequently
, suffering from several diseases, with obesity
and high blood pressure being the main result
of sedentarism and nicotine addiction.Fix the agreement mistake
results
Submitted by f.leyton.a on
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Task Response
Your essay clearly addresses the topic and provides arguments supporting the idea that the average standard of people's health will be lower in the future. However, you could have provided a more balanced view by discussing any potential counterarguments or factors that may contribute to an improvement in health standards. Remember to fully address the prompt and cover both sides of the argument.
Coherence and Cohesion
Your essay demonstrates good coherence and cohesion overall. The logical structure is well-maintained, with a clear introduction and conclusion. The paragraphs flow smoothly and each topic sentence is supported by relevant examples and evidence. However, you could improve the cohesion by using more transitional words and phrases to connect ideas throughout the essay.
Lexical Resource
Your essay shows a strong command of vocabulary and the use of appropriate terminology related to health and diseases. You effectively convey your ideas and arguments using a diverse range of vocabulary. However, be cautious of word choice and make sure to use specific and accurate terminology. Additionally, aim to vary your sentence structures to further showcase your lexical resource.
Grammatical Range
Your essay demonstrates a good grasp of grammar, with a variety of sentence structures and accurate use of tenses. However, there are a few instances of grammatical errors, such as subject-verb agreement and incorrect verb forms. Proofread your essay carefully to eliminate these errors and ensure the overall grammatical accuracy of your writing.
Fully explain your ideas
To get an excellent score in the IELTS Task 2 writing section, one of the easiest and most effective tips is structuring your writing in the most solid format. A great argument essay structure may be divided to four paragraphs, in which comprises of four sentences (excluding the conclusion paragraph, which comprises of three sentences).
For we to consider an essay structure a great one, it should be looking like this:
- Paragraph 1 - Introduction
- Sentence 1 - Background statement
- Sentence 2 - Detailed background statement
- Sentence 3 - Thesis
- Sentence 4 - Outline sentence
- Paragraph 2 - First supporting paragraph
- Sentence 1 - Topic sentence
- Sentence 2 - Example
- Sentence 3 - Discussion
- Sentence 4 - Conclusion
- Paragraph 3 - Second supporting paragraph
- Sentence 1 - Topic sentence
- Sentence 2 - Example
- Sentence 3 - Discussion
- Sentence 4 - Conclusion
- Paragraph 4 - Conclusion
- Sentence 1 - Summary
- Sentence 2 - Restatement of thesis
- Sentence 3 - Prediction or recommendation
Our recommended essay structure above comprises of fifteen (15) sentences, which will make your essay approximately 250 to 275 words.