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Band 4.5

With growing populations in cities, more and more people live in homes with little or no outdoor space. Do you think this is a positive or negative development?

#populations #cities #people #homes #space #development
Indubitably ,a large number of
the popula
Correct article usage
the population
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tion in
ci
t
Remove the comma
apply
show examples
i
es l
Correct subject-verb agreement
live
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ive
in
Correct article usage
apply
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houses with little or no courtyard
space
. Even Though
,
Remove the comma
apply
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 a segment of society
seek
Change the verb form
seeks
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s it as
a
Change the article
a
show examples
 positive development,
however
Add the comma(s)
however,
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, I will elucidate my opinions in the upsurging paragraphs. First of all ,the
people
 who are with opine that having less or no outer
space
 is beneficial, states as now parks, playgrounds and gardens are found in every nook and corner of the
cities
 they find the outer
space
 at their houses is useless, as the
people
 living in the
cities
 believe that they have to work the whole week and they just have two relax on the weekends which they prefer to go for outing, friends gathering and many more.
Nevertheless
, having myriad benefits
this
 trend is a negative development earlier in the past
people
 used to have big courtyards with no boundary walls, those
people
 were emotionally connected with each
other
Change to a singular noun
other
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. Nowadays,
people
do
Verb problem
do
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not h
ave en
Wrong verb form
have
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ough time to ta
lk to
Rephrase
apply
show examples
 each other.
Moreover
, having big out
doo
Correct article usage
a big
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r
space
 have several advantages as small c
hildren can easi
Correct the article-noun agreement
small children
a small child
show examples
ly play there under the surveillance of their parents without the fear of getting kidnapped. To vindicate-
according to
 an article published in a national daily, over thr
ee-fourt
Verb problem
apply
show examples
hs of
the small chi
Correct your spelling
three-fourths
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ldren are being kidnapped from the parks and gardens.
Secondly
, having a bigger outdoor
space
 means a bigger parking
space
 as we do not have to quarrel regarding the parking
space
 like in the big
cities
.
To conclude
 ,
while
 living in the city one must have enough outdoor
space
 so that he/she ca
n sp
Correct word choice
so that
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end quality time
with
Correct article usage
apply
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 his/her loved ones in that place.
this
 not only makes one positive but
also
 provides mental peace.
Submitted by naresh on

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task response
Ensure that your essay completely addresses the prompt by discussing both the positive and negative aspects of living in homes with little outdoor space.
coherence and cohesion
Organize your essay in a logical manner with clear introduction and conclusion.
lexical resource
Expand your range of vocabulary to express your ideas more effectively.
grammatical range
Work on improving your grammatical accuracy and sentence structures.

Fully explain your ideas

To get an excellent score in the IELTS Task 2 writing section, one of the easiest and most effective tips is structuring your writing in the most solid format. A great argument essay structure may be divided to four paragraphs, in which comprises of four sentences (excluding the conclusion paragraph, which comprises of three sentences).

For we to consider an essay structure a great one, it should be looking like this:

  • Paragraph 1 - Introduction
    • Sentence 1 - Background statement
    • Sentence 2 - Detailed background statement
    • Sentence 3 - Thesis
    • Sentence 4 - Outline sentence
  • Paragraph 2 - First supporting paragraph
    • Sentence 1 - Topic sentence
    • Sentence 2 - Example
    • Sentence 3 - Discussion
    • Sentence 4 - Conclusion
  • Paragraph 3 - Second supporting paragraph
    • Sentence 1 - Topic sentence
    • Sentence 2 - Example
    • Sentence 3 - Discussion
    • Sentence 4 - Conclusion
  • Paragraph 4 - Conclusion
    • Sentence 1 - Summary
    • Sentence 2 - Restatement of thesis
    • Sentence 3 - Prediction or recommendation

Our recommended essay structure above comprises of fifteen (15) sentences, which will make your essay approximately 250 to 275 words.

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