IELTS Writing Correction Service
Writing Samples
Band 4.5

With growing populations in cities, more and more people live in homes with little or no outdoor space. Do you think this is a positive or negative development?

#populations #cities #people #homes #space #development
✨ Do you want to improve your IELTS writing?
Indubitably ,a large number of
the popula
Correct article usage
the population
show examples
tion in
ci
Use synonyms
t
Remove the comma
apply
show examples
i
es l
Correct subject-verb agreement
live
show examples
ive
in
Correct article usage
apply
show examples
houses with little or no courtyard
space
Use synonyms
. Even Though
,
Remove the comma
apply
show examples
 a segment of society
seek
Change the verb form
seeks
show examples
s it as
a
Change the article
a
show examples
 positive development,
Linking Words
however
Add the comma(s)
however,
show examples
, I will elucidate my opinions in the upsurging paragraphs. First of all ,the
people
Use synonyms
 who are with opine that having less or no outer
space
Use synonyms
 is beneficial, states as now parks, playgrounds and gardens are found in every nook and corner of the
cities
Use synonyms
 they find the outer
space
Use synonyms
 at their houses is useless, as the
people
Use synonyms
 living in the
cities
Use synonyms
 believe that they have to work the whole week and they just have two relax on the weekends which they prefer to go for outing, friends gathering and many more.
Nevertheless
Linking Words
, having myriad benefits
this
Linking Words
 trend is a negative development earlier in the past
people
Use synonyms
 used to have big courtyards with no boundary walls, those
people
Use synonyms
 were emotionally connected with each
other
Change to a singular noun
other
show examples
. Nowadays,
people
Use synonyms
do
Verb problem
do
show examples
not h
ave en
Wrong verb form
have
show examples
ough time to ta
lk to
Rephrase
apply
show examples
 each other.
Moreover
Linking Words
, having big out
doo
Correct article usage
a big
show examples
r
space
Use synonyms
 have several advantages as small c
hildren can easi
Correct the article-noun agreement
small children
a small child
show examples
ly play there under the surveillance of their parents without the fear of getting kidnapped. To vindicate-
according to
Linking Words
 an article published in a national daily, over thr
ee-fourt
Verb problem
apply
show examples
hs of
the small chi
Correct your spelling
three-fourths
show examples
ldren are being kidnapped from the parks and gardens.
Secondly
Linking Words
, having a bigger outdoor
space
Use synonyms
 means a bigger parking
space
Use synonyms
 as we do not have to quarrel regarding the parking
space
Use synonyms
 like in the big
cities
Use synonyms
.
To conclude
Linking Words
 ,
while
Linking Words
 living in the city one must have enough outdoor
space
Use synonyms
 so that he/she ca
n sp
Correct word choice
so that
show examples
end quality time
with
Correct article usage
apply
show examples
 his/her loved ones in that place.
this
Linking Words
 not only makes one positive but
also
Linking Words
 provides mental peace.
Submitted by naresh on

Unauthorized use and/or duplication of this material without express and written permission from this site’s author and/or owner is strictly prohibited. Excerpts and links may be used, provided that full and clear credit is given to Writing9 with appropriate and specific direction to the original content.

task response
Ensure that your essay completely addresses the prompt by discussing both the positive and negative aspects of living in homes with little outdoor space.
coherence and cohesion
Organize your essay in a logical manner with clear introduction and conclusion.
lexical resource
Expand your range of vocabulary to express your ideas more effectively.
grammatical range
Work on improving your grammatical accuracy and sentence structures.

Fully explain your ideas

To get an excellent score in the IELTS Task 2 writing section, one of the easiest and most effective tips is structuring your writing in the most solid format. A great argument essay structure may be divided to four paragraphs, in which comprises of four sentences (excluding the conclusion paragraph, which comprises of three sentences).

For we to consider an essay structure a great one, it should be looking like this:

  • Paragraph 1 - Introduction
    • Sentence 1 - Background statement
    • Sentence 2 - Detailed background statement
    • Sentence 3 - Thesis
    • Sentence 4 - Outline sentence
  • Paragraph 2 - First supporting paragraph
    • Sentence 1 - Topic sentence
    • Sentence 2 - Example
    • Sentence 3 - Discussion
    • Sentence 4 - Conclusion
  • Paragraph 3 - Second supporting paragraph
    • Sentence 1 - Topic sentence
    • Sentence 2 - Example
    • Sentence 3 - Discussion
    • Sentence 4 - Conclusion
  • Paragraph 4 - Conclusion
    • Sentence 1 - Summary
    • Sentence 2 - Restatement of thesis
    • Sentence 3 - Prediction or recommendation

Our recommended essay structure above comprises of fifteen (15) sentences, which will make your essay approximately 250 to 275 words.

Discover more tips in The Ultimate Guide to Get a Target Band Score of 7+ »— a book that's free for 🚀 Premium users.

Topic Vocabulary:
  • urban density
  • public transportation infrastructure
  • social interaction
  • community bonding
  • mental well-being
  • urban biodiversity
  • urban heat island effect
  • energy-efficient
  • affordable housing
  • cramped living conditions
  • innovative architecture
  • interior design
  • physical activity
  • sedentary lifestyle
  • quality of life
What to do next:
Look at other essays: