IELTS Writing Correction Service /
Writing Samples /
Band 5.5

Students are becoming more and more reliant on technology. What are some of the problems associated with reliance on computers, and what are some of the possible solutions?

#students #technology #reliance #computers
Nowadays,
the
Correct article usage
apply
show examples
teaching and learning at school
has
Change the verb form
have
show examples
 been over-reliant on
technology
, which will turn
to
Change preposition
out to
show examples
 be a serious problem. From my point of view, it can cause some negative impact on the
behaviors
Change the spelling
behaviours
show examples
 of children, and change the awareness about education, so
that
Correct determiner usage
a
show examples
 solution like
actual
Add an article
an actual
show examples
 class should be used for handling
this
 issue.
To begin
 with, one of the most associated
reason
Fix the agreement mistake
reasons
show examples
 is the lack of critical thinking among children. In fact, some innovative
technology
Fix the agreement mistake
technologies
show examples
 can replace
human
Fix the agreement mistake
humans
show examples
 in many
task
Change to a plural noun
tasks
show examples
,
include
Wrong verb form
including
show examples
 thinking.
For example
, some applications can help think and calculate the result
in
Change preposition
of
show examples
 a
students’
Change noun form
student’s
show examples
 assignment. So that it can be relied on for cheating. Another impact of overusing
technology
 is
distraction
Add an article
a distraction
show examples
. Each individual has at least one personal device
,
Remove the comma
apply
show examples
 so that it is hard for the teacher to control the students’ activities in class. To illustrate,
student
Fix the agreement mistake
students
show examples
 would rather play games or spend time on social
network
Fix the agreement mistake
networks
show examples
 than use
it
Correct pronoun usage
them
show examples
 for learning.
Moreover
,
instead
 of improving students’ learning experience,
technology
 disrupts their learning, affecting their academic results. To reduce its
affect
Replace the word
effect
show examples
, some solution has been created and some of them are
success
Replace the word
successful
show examples
.
For instance
, lots of
school
Change to a plural noun
schools
show examples
 has banned the
using
Replace the word
use
show examples
 of phones in
the
Correct article usage
apply
show examples
class and
also
 in many
part
Change to a plural noun
parts
show examples
 of
school
Add an article
the school
show examples
.
Besides
it
Correct pronoun usage
apply
show examples
, technological devices which are not
in
Change preposition
on
show examples
 the forbidden list are limited the time. At the societal level, promoting awareness can be effective.
This
Correct determiner usage
These
show examples
 actions will educate
individual
Fix the agreement mistake
individuals
show examples
, especially children and adolescents, about the potential impact of excessive
technology
 use. In conclusion,
technology
 can
affect
Verb problem
cause
show examples
 a lot of risks but still
make
Correct subject-verb agreement
makes
show examples
 sense when it is used for the right purpose. By promoting responsible use of these devices and building
a
Correct the article-noun agreement
apply
show examples
healthy social interactions, it is possible to make
a good relationships
Correct the article-noun agreement
a good relationship
good relationships
show examples
 with
technology
 in our modern century.
Submitted by my251e3 on

Unauthorized use and/or duplication of this material without express and written permission from this site’s author and/or owner is strictly prohibited. Excerpts and links may be used, provided that full and clear credit is given to Writing9 with appropriate and specific direction to the original content.

task achievement
Provide more specific and relevant examples to support your ideas.
coherence cohesion
Ensure that your main points are well-supported with explanations and evidence.
lexical resource
Expand your vocabulary and use more varied and precise terms.
grammatical range
Demonstrate a wider range of sentence structures and improve your grammatical accuracy.

Answer the 'Problem and Solution' topic

Problem-and-solution essays fall naturally into two parts, the first describing and exploring the problem, the second setting out the solution or solutions.

You essay structure should look something like this:

  • Introduction
  • Body paragraph 1 – Problems
  • Body paragraph 2 – Solutions
  • Conclusion

Examples to start your body paragraph:

  • One of the first problems of the...
  • Another problem that needs to be considered...
  • A possible solution to this problem would be...
  • One immediate practical solution is to...

Discover more tips in The Ultimate Guide to Get a Target Band Score of 7+ »— a book that's free for 🚀 Premium users.

What to do next:
Look at other essays: