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Writing Samples
Band 6.5

The graph below gives information about the percentages of the population in four Asian countries living in cities from 1970 to 2020, with predictions for 2030 and 2040.

The graph below gives information about the percentages of the population in four Asian countries living in cities from 1970 to 2020, with predictions for 2030 and 2040.
#information #percentages #population #four #asian #countries #cities #predictions
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The diagram provides data on
ratio
Add an article
the ratio
show examples
 of residents living in urban areas
for
Change preposition
in
show examples
Philippines
Correct article usage
the Philippines
show examples
, Malaysia, Thailand and Indonesia. The chart includes information for the time period between 1970 and 2020
as well as
Linking Words
prediction
Correct article usage
a prediction
show examples
 of the trend till the year 2040.
Overall
Linking Words
 the
percentage
Use synonyms
 of people living in cities has experienced a huge
raise
Correct your spelling
rise
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 between 1970 and 2020. The biggest
growth
Use synonyms
comparing
Change the form of the verb
compared
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 to
other
Correct article usage
the other
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 three countries can be
spectated
Verb problem
seen
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 in Malaysia, which
percentage
Use synonyms
 started at approximately 30 and ended up being bigger than 80.
Moreover
Linking Words
, in each of these four
countries
Add a comma
countries,
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 there was a constant
growth
Use synonyms
 during
this
Linking Words
 period. The only
counry
Correct your spelling
country
 that hasn't experienced constant
growth
Use synonyms
 was
Philippines
Correct article usage
the Philippines
show examples
. Its
percentage
Use synonyms
 fell from a bit less than 50 to circa 40 between 1990 and 2010.
However
Linking Words
,
after
Linking Words
Linking Words
this
Add a comma
this,
show examples
 the numbers raised back to approximately 45 percent.
According to
Linking Words
 predictions, the upward trend will continue in the next 10 years.
However
Linking Words
, in
Thailand
Add a comma
Thailand,
show examples
 the
percentage
Use synonyms
 is expected to grow at a more rapid pace than in
other
Correct article usage
the other
show examples
 three countries.
Much
Correct article usage
A much
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 lower tempo of
the
Correct article usage
apply
show examples
growth
Use synonyms
 was predicted for Malaysia.
Submitted by viacheslav.sydora on

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Linking words: Don't use the same linking words: "however".
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Vocabulary: Replace the words percentage, growth with synonyms.
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Vocabulary: The word "percentage" was used 4 times.
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Vocabulary: The word "trend" was used 2 times.
▼
Vocabulary: The word "growth" was used 4 times.
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Vocabulary: The word "approximately" was used 2 times.
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Topic Vocabulary:
  • percentage
  • population
  • cities
  • Asian countries
  • 1970
  • 2020
  • predictions
  • changes over time
  • comparison
  • increase
  • decrease
  • trend
  • urbanization
  • developed countries
  • developing countries
  • rural areas
  • metropolitan areas
  • migration
  • industrialization
  • environmental impact
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