Some people say that in the modern world, getting old is entirely bad. Others, however, say that life for the elderly nowadays is much better than it was in the past. Discuss both views and give your own opinion.
Many believe that being elderly nowadays is
comepletly
bad, Correct your spelling
completely
while
others believe that life
as an elder is much better than before. Both beliefs are correct to some degree, this
essay will tackle reasons as to why people stand for this
statements
and will ultimately choose which one holds more relevance.
On the one hand, some people believe that being old nowadays is totally bad, and it can be attributed to the lack of familiarity with scientific gadgets, Fix the agreement mistake
statement
as a result
from
rapidly changing technology. Change preposition
of
For example
, many elderly have problems using the latest generation phone and usually need explanation
from someone to use it correctly. Pair that, with the fact that new applications and software updates are released all the time, Add an article
an explanation
as a result
, changing the little to no knowledge they had about the operative system of their phone.
On the other hand
, old people nowdays
have huge benefits from scientific and health development, that includes, things like having cures for diseases that previously didn't Correct the word
nowadays
had
one, Change the verb form
have
consequently
lowering mortality rate in their age group and overall
increasing life
expectation
. To put an example, a study published by the NEJM (New England Journal of Medicine), showed that diseases that were untreatable before and resulted in fatal Replace the word
expectancy
outcome
, including tuberculosis and different types of cancers nowadays can be cured. And Fix the agreement mistake
outcomes
as a result
, life
expectancy has peaked to
100 years compared to 70 years in 2015.
In conclusion, being elderly nowadays has its benefits and downsides. But, an increase in Change preposition
at
life
expectancy and overall
health are the most remarkable aspects of present day
changes, in comparison to being unfamiliarized with the latest technological gadgets.Add a hyphen
present-day
Submitted by f.leyton.a on
Unauthorized use and/or duplication of this material without express and written permission from this site’s author and/or owner is strictly prohibited. Excerpts and links may be used, provided that full and clear credit is given to Writing9 with appropriate and specific direction to the original content.
task response
Make sure to fully address all aspects of the question in your response. In this essay, you have discussed both views and given your own opinion, which demonstrates a good understanding of the task.
coherence cohesion
Your essay has a logical structure and flows well. However, it would have been more effective if you had provided clearer transitions between paragraphs to enhance the coherence.
lexical resource
Your choice of vocabulary is appropriate and showcases a good range. However, try to vary your word choices more and avoid repetition.
grammatical range
Your grammatical range is quite good, with only a few minor errors. Pay attention to subject-verb agreement and tense consistency.
Fully explain your ideas
To get an excellent score in the IELTS Task 2 writing section, one of the easiest and most effective tips is structuring your writing in the most solid format. A great argument essay structure may be divided to four paragraphs, in which comprises of four sentences (excluding the conclusion paragraph, which comprises of three sentences).
For we to consider an essay structure a great one, it should be looking like this:
- Paragraph 1 - Introduction
- Sentence 1 - Background statement
- Sentence 2 - Detailed background statement
- Sentence 3 - Thesis
- Sentence 4 - Outline sentence
- Paragraph 2 - First supporting paragraph
- Sentence 1 - Topic sentence
- Sentence 2 - Example
- Sentence 3 - Discussion
- Sentence 4 - Conclusion
- Paragraph 3 - Second supporting paragraph
- Sentence 1 - Topic sentence
- Sentence 2 - Example
- Sentence 3 - Discussion
- Sentence 4 - Conclusion
- Paragraph 4 - Conclusion
- Sentence 1 - Summary
- Sentence 2 - Restatement of thesis
- Sentence 3 - Prediction or recommendation
Our recommended essay structure above comprises of fifteen (15) sentences, which will make your essay approximately 250 to 275 words.
Essentional vocabulary list for IELTS Writing 7+
Learn how to write high-scoring essays with powerful words.Download Free PDF and start improving you writing skills today!