Many countries celebrate Halloween or similar festivals at the end of October. Some people argue that these celebrations have a negative impact on cultural traditions, while others believe they promote creativity and community bonding. Discuss both views and give your opinion.

Some argue that
Halloween
and similar festivities
at the end
of October are becoming too commercialized, focusing more on
costumes
and decorations than the original cultural and historical
significance
. To what extent do you agree or disagree with
this
statement? Support your opinion with examples and reasons. Many
people
argue that
Halloween
and related festivities towards the end of October are becoming too commercialized, focusing more on decoration and
apparat
Correct your spelling
apparatus
show examples
than the original cultural and historical
significance
of it. I fully agree with
this
statement. I didn’t even know what the real
significance
of
Halloween
was before I
made
Verb problem
did
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research for
this
essay.
Halloween
dates back to 835 in Ireland and northern England, at the time it meant the end of summer and
of
Change preposition
apply
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the harvest season and it was wildly associated with human death.
People
would carve pumpkins with scary faces and wear
costumes
as well as
lighting
Wrong verb form
light
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up bone fire to ward off the ghost of the dead that would apparently come out on
halloween
Change the capitalization
Halloween
show examples
night, it had a real meaning for the pagan
people
as it was a religious celebration. Trick or treating originally started with parents giving sweets to their children as a way of comforting them as they were scared.
On the other hand
, today,
Halloween
is nothing more than a commercial festivity where
people
buy futile decorations and
costumes
. As much as I think
Halloween decorated
Add a hyphen
Halloween-decorated
show examples
streets are nice, it is ridiculous that in 2021 Americans spent over 500 million US dollars on
costumes
for their pets. October is the month
where
Correct word choice
when
show examples
the
candy
lobbyists are making the most money. Each year on
Halloween
, Americans spend 3.6 billion dollars on various
candy
bars and sweets. American kids now go door to door asking for mountains of
candy
as
Change preposition
apply
show examples
for a tradition that isn’t even theirs. We are far from the orange the Irish kid would be lucky to receive.
Halloween
sales each year in the USA exceed 12.5 billion dollars but if you ask any American, I doubt any of them even know the real
significance
of the fest.
To conclude
,
halloween
Change the capitalization
Halloween
show examples
is an ancestral tradition that dates back
to
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apply
show examples
over 1 millennium ago, it had a real meaning and impact on
people
, now
Halloween
is just a commercial
even
Correct your spelling
event
show examples
where big companies make half of their yearly sales of
candy
in a single day. It has lost all of its meaning and
significance
.
Submitted by z.pfister on

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coherence cohesion
In the introduction, it would be beneficial to provide a brief overview of the opposing views on the commercialization of Halloween. This will help set the context for the essay.
task achievement
You have provided a clear position on the statement in the introduction. Ensure that you stick to this position throughout the essay and provide arguments to support it.
task achievement
You have provided relevant examples to support your opinion on the commercialization of Halloween. Consider adding more specific details and examples to further strengthen your points.
coherence cohesion
Your body paragraphs are well-developed and provide clear reasoning for your opinion. Ensure that you maintain coherence and cohesion by using appropriate transition words and phrases.
lexical resource
Your essay demonstrates a good range of vocabulary, but there is room for improvement. Try to incorporate more precise and varied vocabulary to enhance your arguments.
grammatical range
Your grammar is generally accurate, but there are a few minor errors. Pay attention to subject-verb agreement, verb tenses, and sentence structure.

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    • Sentence 1 - Background statement
    • Sentence 2 - Detailed background statement
    • Sentence 3 - Thesis
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    • Sentence 1 - Topic sentence
    • Sentence 2 - Example
    • Sentence 3 - Discussion
    • Sentence 4 - Conclusion
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    • Sentence 1 - Topic sentence
    • Sentence 2 - Example
    • Sentence 3 - Discussion
    • Sentence 4 - Conclusion
  • Paragraph 4 - Conclusion
    • Sentence 1 - Summary
    • Sentence 2 - Restatement of thesis
    • Sentence 3 - Prediction or recommendation

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