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Band 7

Today's parents spend too little staying with their children and use television to make their children keep quiet. Explain the reason and results by using your relevant experience.

#parents #children #television #reason #results
The technological boom always brings some demerits
along with
 the expected benefits. In the current world, people are more connected to tech devices rather than others. Certainly, the parents are not innocent, either. Their reliance on modern facilities is weakening their parental efficiency at a good level. There are several reasons behind the irresponsibilities of fathers and mothers
such
 as not giving enough
time
 to their
children
 and leaving them in front of the TV; which has some alarming consequences. Today's parents are severely addicted to digital devices.
Although
,
Remove the comma
apply
show examples
 their workload is comparatively higher than the previous generation, they get enough
time
 to take care of their offspring. The matter of sorrow is that they prefer to spend
this
time
 using their Android phones and computers over spending
time
 with their
children
.
In addition
, the
children
 of our present
time
, are
such
 stubborn that they don't like to compromise anything.
For example
, If they decide to watch TV, the only remedy that can pacify them is nothing but a television. To elaborate on the consequences, the family bonding and social network of
this
 modern earth are damaging deliberately. As the parents are not getting attached to their future generation in a proper way, they are weakening the future family's strength.
Additionally
, societal connectivity is on the verge to extinct
due to
 the fact that the upcoming young people are more glued to TVs, ignoring getting
along with
 each other. In conclusion, the fathers and the mothers should be more careful about the well-being of their
children
. Leaving the detrimental uses aside, they must focus on the positive aspects of technology.
Submitted by Jasim Uddin Rahat on

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coherence cohesion
Expand on the reasons why parents spend too little time with their children and rely on television.
coherence cohesion
Ensure a clear and concise introduction and conclusion that summarizes the main points.
task achievement
Provide more specific and relevant examples to support your arguments.
lexical resource
Use a wider range of vocabulary and vary sentence structures.
grammatical range
Pay attention to sentence structure and grammar.

Fully explain your ideas

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For we to consider an essay structure a great one, it should be looking like this:

  • Paragraph 1 - Introduction
    • Sentence 1 - Background statement
    • Sentence 2 - Detailed background statement
    • Sentence 3 - Thesis
    • Sentence 4 - Outline sentence
  • Paragraph 2 - First supporting paragraph
    • Sentence 1 - Topic sentence
    • Sentence 2 - Example
    • Sentence 3 - Discussion
    • Sentence 4 - Conclusion
  • Paragraph 3 - Second supporting paragraph
    • Sentence 1 - Topic sentence
    • Sentence 2 - Example
    • Sentence 3 - Discussion
    • Sentence 4 - Conclusion
  • Paragraph 4 - Conclusion
    • Sentence 1 - Summary
    • Sentence 2 - Restatement of thesis
    • Sentence 3 - Prediction or recommendation

Our recommended essay structure above comprises of fifteen (15) sentences, which will make your essay approximately 250 to 275 words.

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Essentional vocabulary list for IELTS Writing 7+

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Topic Vocabulary:
  • work schedules
  • financial pressures
  • quality time
  • occupy
  • excessive television viewing
  • parent-child bonding
  • cognitive development
  • language skills
  • passive
  • creative
  • behavioral problems
  • attention span
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