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Band 2.5

It is important for people to take risks,both in their professional lives and their personal lives. Do you think the advantages of taking risks outweigh the disadvantages?

#people #risks #lives
Many people take risks for both their
professionals
Fix the agreement mistake
professional
show examples
lives
 and for their personal
lives
 to achieve their
life
 and to
get
Verb problem
apply
show examples
succeed in their own
life
. People in the current society started to do hard
work
for
Change preposition
in
show examples
 their professional
lives
 and personal
lives
.Both the men and the women began to
work
 for their own
life
. If they are married couples,they start to
work
to for
Change preposition
in
show examples
 their
comfortable
Replace the word
comfort
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 zone. The male gender
need
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needs
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 to take more risks to take care of their family burdens.
Incase
Correct your spelling
In case
show examples
if
Correct word choice
apply
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we don't have
proper
Add an article
a proper
the proper
show examples
 job we the person should seek help from others and our
life
 will be unhappy. Members
in
Change preposition
of
show examples
 the family have some personal risks.They have some personal problems
such
 as financial,medical issues, misunderstanding
and
Correct word choice
apply
show examples
etc. To
slove
Correct your spelling
solve
show examples
these problem
Change the determiner
this problem
these problems
show examples
 we should take
risk
Fix the agreement mistake
risks
show examples
 to get proper
soution
Correct your spelling
solutions
. We the member
in
Change preposition
of
show examples
 the family carries
lot
Change the article
a lot
show examples
 of burdens and risk in our personal
lives
. So we will not have
any
Correct determiner usage
a
show examples
 happy
leading
Verb problem
apply
show examples
life
 until we die. We say that
life
 is not easy in
this
 new
adpoted
Correct your spelling
adapted
adopted
 technology.
Life
 isn't easy to run in
this
 world where
the
Correct article usage
apply
show examples
problem
Fix the agreement mistake
problems
show examples
 arise, risk factors or more in both the
proffesionals
Correct your spelling
professional
professionals
 and personal
lives
. We should do hard
work
 to achieve our
goal
Fix the agreement mistake
goals
show examples
 in future. The public in the community should have proper
responbilites
Correct your spelling
responsibilities
.
Submitted by insighttribez on

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task response
The essay does not fully address the given prompt. It is important to clearly state whether the advantages of taking risks outweigh the disadvantages.
coherence and cohesion
The essay lacks logical structure and coherence. Ensure that your ideas are organized and connected.
lexical resource
Expand your range of vocabulary and use more specific and appropriate terms.
grammatical range
Pay attention to your sentence structure and grammar. Improve your sentence formation and use appropriate grammar forms.

Fully explain your ideas

To get an excellent score in the IELTS Task 2 writing section, one of the easiest and most effective tips is structuring your writing in the most solid format. A great argument essay structure may be divided to four paragraphs, in which comprises of four sentences (excluding the conclusion paragraph, which comprises of three sentences).

For we to consider an essay structure a great one, it should be looking like this:

  • Paragraph 1 - Introduction
    • Sentence 1 - Background statement
    • Sentence 2 - Detailed background statement
    • Sentence 3 - Thesis
    • Sentence 4 - Outline sentence
  • Paragraph 2 - First supporting paragraph
    • Sentence 1 - Topic sentence
    • Sentence 2 - Example
    • Sentence 3 - Discussion
    • Sentence 4 - Conclusion
  • Paragraph 3 - Second supporting paragraph
    • Sentence 1 - Topic sentence
    • Sentence 2 - Example
    • Sentence 3 - Discussion
    • Sentence 4 - Conclusion
  • Paragraph 4 - Conclusion
    • Sentence 1 - Summary
    • Sentence 2 - Restatement of thesis
    • Sentence 3 - Prediction or recommendation

Our recommended essay structure above comprises of fifteen (15) sentences, which will make your essay approximately 250 to 275 words.

Discover more tips in The Ultimate Guide to Get a Target Band Score of 7+ »— a book that's free for 🚀 Premium users.

Topic Vocabulary:
  • Opportunities
  • Growth
  • Innovation
  • Challenges
  • Self-discovery
  • Resilience
  • Uncertainty
  • Consequences
  • Calculated risks
  • Stagnation
  • Regret
  • Comfort zone
  • Entrepreneurship
  • Adventurous spirit
  • Thriving
  • Failure
  • Mitigate
  • Reap the rewards
What to do next:
Look at other essays: