IELTS Writing Correction Service
Writing Samples
Band 5

Some people claim that immigrants should adopt the local culture when immigrating to a new country. While others think that they can establish a minority community instead. Discuss both views and give your opinion.

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Globalization has made the world borderless and Immigration has become a popular trend in
the
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apply
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society. It is believed by a few Individuals that the immigrants should adapt
with
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to
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 the
culture
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 and traditions of the host
country
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,
while
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 others believe they should maintain their own
culture
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 and remain as
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minority
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a minority
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. In my
opinion
Add a comma
opinion,
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 a balance of both can be fruitful.
This
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 essay shall discuss both views briefly and
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lastly
Add a comma
lastly,
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 I shall discuss my opinion. Adopting a new
culture
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 can be beneficial in many
and
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apply
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ways.
Firstly
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, it helps the
new comers
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newcomers
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 to merge with
the
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apply
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society quickly. It is required because, without accepting the
country
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's
culture
Use synonyms
 an
Immigrent
Correct your spelling
immigrant
 may not get suitable jobs to survive.
For instance
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, if an emigrant from the
middle east
Correct your spelling
Middle East
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 immigrates to a
western
Capitalize word
Western
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country
Use synonyms
 and does not want to put on the appropriate attire of those countries, he may not get any jobs.
Secondly
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, showing respect
to
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for
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 the new
country
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's
culture
Use synonyms
 is a holy duty for the migrants. As in most cases people immigrate for better opportunities, they should
also
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 show respect
to
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for
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 the countries' existing
culture
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 and
tradition
Fix the agreement mistake
traditions
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. For example, many
european
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European
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 footballers
while
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 playing for
the
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apply
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football clubs
of
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in
show examples
 the
middle east
Correct your spelling
Middle East
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country
Use synonyms
; put on their traditional dresses as a token of respect.
Furthermore
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, it can prevent communal
clash
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clashes
show examples
.
In other words
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, by accepting the foreign
culture
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 an immigrant can largely
become benefitted
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benefit
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.
On the other hand
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, many
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believe
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believes
Correct subject-verb agreement
believe
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 that
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apply
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the
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apply
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foreign migrants should stay as a
minority
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 in the new society, because it helps them
to
Verb problem
apply
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preserve their own traditions and values.
This
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 is
due to
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 the fact that there are many religious barriers which can
be conflicting
Wrong verb form
conflict
show examples
to
Change preposition
with
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 the new
culture
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. Adopting those can be impossible for many migrants. Studies have shown that
,
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apply
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 around 70%
muslims
Change preposition
of muslims
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 from different countries do not want to accept a plethora of cultures of a
christian majority
Correct your spelling
Christian-majority
country
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.
Moreover
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, when an immigrant completely gives up his inherited
culture
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, may not go back to his
country
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 in the future. If mine immigrants are allowed to maintain their own cultural norms, they are likely to feel more
secured
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secure
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. In my
opinion
Add a comma
opinion,
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 people should be given
with
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apply
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the freedom to choose their own
preferances
Correct your spelling
preferences
. The idea of complete transformation is not only an inhuman thought but
also
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 impractical.
Conversely
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,
formulation
Correct article usage
the formulation
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 of
minority
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 groups can result in various conflicts. If
immigments
Correct your spelling
immigrants
 are given
with
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apply
show examples
the flexibility and freedom to decide
at
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on
show examples
 their own,
this
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 may bring the best results. In conclusion,
although
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 a migrant
need
Change the verb form
needs
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 to adapt to the foreign
culture
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due to
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 various socio-economic reasons;
however
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, they shouldn't expect to live as a
minority
Use synonyms
 group. I believe, immigrants should be given
with
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apply
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the freedom and time to adapt themselves
with
Change preposition
to
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 the new
countrys'
Change noun form
country's
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culture
Use synonyms
, which might be beneficial for both
the
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apply
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parties.

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task response
Ensure that you clearly address all parts of the essay prompt. Make sure to discuss both views and give your opinion.
coherence cohesion
Maintain a clear and logical structure throughout your essay. Include an introduction and conclusion to provide a complete response.
lexical resource
Expand your range of vocabulary by using a wider variety of words and phrases. This will enhance the richness of your essay.
grammatical range
Pay attention to sentence structure and grammar to ensure accuracy and clarity in your writing.

Support ideas with relevant, specific examples

Examples make your writing easier to understand by illustrating points more effectively.

Examples, if used properly, not only help you get higher marks for ‘Task Response’ but also for ‘Coherence’.

When giving examples it is best to put them after your main idea or topic sentence. They can be used in the middle of supporting sentences or they can be used to start a new sentence. There is no rule for where exactly to give examples in essays, logically they would come after your main idea/topic sentence or just after a supporting sentence.

Linking words for giving examples:

  • for example
  • for instance
  • to illustrate this
  • to give a clear example
  • such as
  • namely
  • to illustrate
  • take, for example

Discover more tips in The Ultimate Guide to Get a Target Band Score of 7+ »— a book that's free for 🚀 Premium users.

Topic Vocabulary:
  • adopt the local culture
  • integrate
  • social customs
  • mutual respect
  • cultural clashes
  • minority community
  • cultural diversity
  • emotional support
  • mental health
  • multicultural society
  • harmonious coexistence
  • heritage
  • social acceptance
  • cultural practices
What to do next:
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