In many countries, people are now living longer than ever before. Some people say an ageing population creates problems for governments. Other people think there are benefits if society has more elderly people. To what extent do the advantages of having an ageing population outweigh the disadvantages? Give reasons for your answer and include any relevant examples from your own knowledge or experience.
The average life span has increased to a greater extent in most nations.
Majority
of the populace believe that old age individuals pose a threat to the ruling organisations, Correct article usage
The majority
whereas
Linking Words
other
vocalise by adding that these Fix the agreement mistake
others
people
can prove advantageous for the surrounding community. I opine that there are more Use synonyms
demrits
linked to the above viewpoint than merits. In the forthcoming Correct your spelling
demerits
paragraphs
I will discuss the points in detail with suitable examples.
Add a comma
paragraphs,
To begin
with, negative aspects of having Linking Words
ageing
population are Correct article usage
an ageing
shortage
of the working class and most funds being diverted towards their healthcare. Since the majority of the populace belongs to the elder age zone, there has been a scarcity in availability of manpower, Correct article usage
a shortage
the
nation's economy is falling Correct word choice
and the
as a result
. Linking Words
In addition
, persons of these extreme ages are extremely prone to contracting Linking Words
life threatening
diseases, making them a liability of undivided attention regarding healthcare. Add a hyphen
life-threatening
For instance
, sovereign states with high percentages of geriatric populations like Japan have to divert one-third of their capital towards providing prompt health services. Linking Words
Hence
, making them a susceptible population to handle.
Linking Words
On the other hand
, the Linking Words
eleder
Correct your spelling
elder
elderly
people
are advantageous to the community as their immense Use synonyms
knowldge
and long years of experience can Correct your spelling
knowledge
benifit
Correct your spelling
benefit
everbody
around them. These Correct your spelling
everybody
people
continue to foster young minds with their teachings Use synonyms
along with
Linking Words
this
, they help to maintain the spirit Linking Words
old
culture and customs alive in everybody's heart.
Change preposition
of old
To sum up
, as the average life span of individuals Linking Words
are
rising, Change the verb form
is
people
of Use synonyms
this
generation pose a burden in terms of Linking Words
ever rising
scarcity in the working sector and heavy expenditure of funds on healthcare. It's the Add a hyphen
ever-rising
governemnt's
Correct your spelling
government's
reponsibility
Correct your spelling
responsibility
of
mitigate the problems that arise from Change preposition
to
this
concern and find appropriate alternate solutions.Linking Words
Submitted by mrigankingley2099 on
Unauthorized use and/or duplication of this material without express and written permission from this site’s author and/or owner is strictly prohibited. Excerpts and links may be used, provided that full and clear credit is given to Writing9 with appropriate and specific direction to the original content.
task response
Your essay does not fully address the question. You need to discuss the extent to which the advantages of having an ageing population outweigh the disadvantages. In your essay, you only mention the disadvantages and briefly mention one advantage without providing any supporting evidence or analysis. Make sure to provide a balanced argument with supporting details.
coherence cohesion
Your essay lacks coherence and cohesion. The logical structure is weak, and the main points are not well-developed or clearly supported. Your introduction and conclusion are also weak. To improve coherence and cohesion, organize your essay into clear paragraphs with each paragraph focused on a specific main point. Use transition words and phrases to connect your ideas and ensure a smooth flow of information.
lexical resource
Your essay lacks depth in terms of lexical resource. You rely on basic vocabulary and repetitive language. Try to incorporate a wider range of vocabulary to express your ideas more precisely. Also, avoid using informal language, such as contractions. Use formal vocabulary and academic language to enhance the quality of your writing.
grammatical range
Your grammatical range is quite limited. You have several grammar errors, including incorrect verb tenses, subject-verb agreement issues, and sentence structure problems. To improve your grammatical range, review the basic grammar rules and practice constructing grammatically correct sentences. Pay careful attention to verb forms, pronoun usage, and sentence structures.
Fully explain your ideas
To get an excellent score in the IELTS Task 2 writing section, one of the easiest and most effective tips is structuring your writing in the most solid format. A great argument essay structure may be divided to four paragraphs, in which comprises of four sentences (excluding the conclusion paragraph, which comprises of three sentences).
For we to consider an essay structure a great one, it should be looking like this:
- Paragraph 1 - Introduction
- Sentence 1 - Background statement
- Sentence 2 - Detailed background statement
- Sentence 3 - Thesis
- Sentence 4 - Outline sentence
- Paragraph 2 - First supporting paragraph
- Sentence 1 - Topic sentence
- Sentence 2 - Example
- Sentence 3 - Discussion
- Sentence 4 - Conclusion
- Paragraph 3 - Second supporting paragraph
- Sentence 1 - Topic sentence
- Sentence 2 - Example
- Sentence 3 - Discussion
- Sentence 4 - Conclusion
- Paragraph 4 - Conclusion
- Sentence 1 - Summary
- Sentence 2 - Restatement of thesis
- Sentence 3 - Prediction or recommendation
Our recommended essay structure above comprises of fifteen (15) sentences, which will make your essay approximately 250 to 275 words.