IELTS Writing Correction Service /
Writing Samples /
Band 1.5

the graph below showa the unemployement rates in the us and japan between march 1993 and march 1999.

#showa #unemployement #rates #japan #march
Given is a graph indicating some information regarding jobless propitiation in the US and
Japan
 over a
period
 of six years.The unemployment
rates
Fix the agreement mistake
rate
show examples
 is measured in percentage of work force (
POWF
).
Overall
,over the surveyed
period
, The number of US witnessed a drop during the given
period
.
Japan
 experienced an increase during the given
period
. Increasing from 3.5 (
POWF
) in
March
 95 to 5.6 (
POWF
) in
March
 98 the rate of
Japan
 witnessed an
increased
Change the form of the verb
increase
show examples
 of 2.1 (
POWF
) until 1999. US rate decreased from 6 to 5 between
March
 95 and
March
 96. In
general
Add a comma
general,
show examples
 the figure for
US
Correct article usage
the US
show examples
 fluctuated widely but the general trend was downwards reaching from 7 (
POWF
) to 5 (
POWF
). The figure for
US
Correct article usage
the US
show examples
 and
Japan
at the end
 remained fairly stable at around 5 (
POWF
)
in
Change preposition
from
show examples
March
 98 until
March
 99.
Submitted by TUTOO on

Unauthorized use and/or duplication of this material without express and written permission from this site’s author and/or owner is strictly prohibited. Excerpts and links may be used, provided that full and clear credit is given to Writing9 with appropriate and specific direction to the original content.

coherence cohesion
Ensure that your introduction includes the necessary information about the graph, such as the title and dates. Also, provide a conclusion summarizing the main points.
task achievement
Support your main points with specific examples, such as the actual figures for unemployment rates instead of the percentage change.
lexical resource
Expand your vocabulary by using a wider range of words and phrases.
grammatical range
Pay more attention to your sentence structure and grammar to avoid errors.

Fully explain your ideas

To get an excellent score in the IELTS Task 2 writing section, one of the easiest and most effective tips is structuring your writing in the most solid format. A great argument essay structure may be divided to four paragraphs, in which comprises of four sentences (excluding the conclusion paragraph, which comprises of three sentences).

For we to consider an essay structure a great one, it should be looking like this:

  • Paragraph 1 - Introduction
    • Sentence 1 - Background statement
    • Sentence 2 - Detailed background statement
    • Sentence 3 - Thesis
    • Sentence 4 - Outline sentence
  • Paragraph 2 - First supporting paragraph
    • Sentence 1 - Topic sentence
    • Sentence 2 - Example
    • Sentence 3 - Discussion
    • Sentence 4 - Conclusion
  • Paragraph 3 - Second supporting paragraph
    • Sentence 1 - Topic sentence
    • Sentence 2 - Example
    • Sentence 3 - Discussion
    • Sentence 4 - Conclusion
  • Paragraph 4 - Conclusion
    • Sentence 1 - Summary
    • Sentence 2 - Restatement of thesis
    • Sentence 3 - Prediction or recommendation

Our recommended essay structure above comprises of fifteen (15) sentences, which will make your essay approximately 250 to 275 words.

Discover more tips in The Ultimate Guide to Get a Target Band Score of 7+ »— a book that's free for 🚀 Premium users.

Essentional vocabulary list for IELTS Writing 7+

Learn how to write high-scoring essays with powerful words.
Download Free PDF and start improving you writing skills today!
What to do next:
Look at other essays: