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Band 7.5

These days many people prefer to work longer hours and spend less time at home. Are there more advantages than disadvantages to this trend?

#people #work #hours #time #home #trend
Nowadays, numerous
people
 choose to
work
 longer
hours
 for extra money and spend less
time
 at house.
This
 essay makes a comparison of the two options and chooses the most preferred option.
To begin
 with,
people
 believe that if they
work
 for long
hours
then
 they make more money. Over the past few decades, the cost of living has increased. It is not sufficient to manage all things in limited-
hours
 jobs, so
people
 are spending more
hours
 on
work
 to earn sufficient money and the help of fulfilling their own needs and desires. When you spend more
time
 at
work
, it can provide opportunities for skill development and dedication to the job, and potentially lead to promotions and salary increases. It is another benefit of building professional relationships, which can be valuable for career advancement.
On the other hand
, If you spend less
time
 at home,
then
 create a lot of problems in your life.
Firstly
, it affects your relationships, you do not give the proper
time
 to your partner, children, and parents. You have not enjoyed a festival and moments with family always your mind is diverted to related
work
 issues.
Secondly
, when you do long
hours
 of
work
 and without any rest
then
 it affects your health, physically and mentally.
For example
, as per a survey by WHO, in the
last
 two decades, every year ten million
people
 have died
due to
 heart failure. It is the reason for heart failure is stress and depression. In conclusion, whether are there more advantages than disadvantages, but
work
 is important but not denied family is
also
 important. You can manage a balance between your personal and professional life.
Submitted by lavneet.kumar45 on

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Task Response
The essay provides a clear response to the task by discussing the advantages and disadvantages of working longer hours and spending less time at home. However, it could have been improved by presenting a clear opinion and providing a stronger conclusion.
Coherence and Cohesion
The essay demonstrates overall good coherence and cohesion. The logical structure is well-organized and the essay progresses smoothly. However, the introduction and conclusion could have been more distinct and impactful.
Lexical Resource
The essay displays a good range of vocabulary and uses a variety of words and phrases. However, there are instances where word choice could be improved for more precision and accuracy.
Grammatical Range
The essay shows a fair range of grammatical structures and uses a mix of simple and complex sentences. However, there are some errors in verb tenses and sentence structure that could be addressed for greater clarity.

Fully explain your ideas

To get an excellent score in the IELTS Task 2 writing section, one of the easiest and most effective tips is structuring your writing in the most solid format. A great argument essay structure may be divided to four paragraphs, in which comprises of four sentences (excluding the conclusion paragraph, which comprises of three sentences).

For we to consider an essay structure a great one, it should be looking like this:

  • Paragraph 1 - Introduction
    • Sentence 1 - Background statement
    • Sentence 2 - Detailed background statement
    • Sentence 3 - Thesis
    • Sentence 4 - Outline sentence
  • Paragraph 2 - First supporting paragraph
    • Sentence 1 - Topic sentence
    • Sentence 2 - Example
    • Sentence 3 - Discussion
    • Sentence 4 - Conclusion
  • Paragraph 3 - Second supporting paragraph
    • Sentence 1 - Topic sentence
    • Sentence 2 - Example
    • Sentence 3 - Discussion
    • Sentence 4 - Conclusion
  • Paragraph 4 - Conclusion
    • Sentence 1 - Summary
    • Sentence 2 - Restatement of thesis
    • Sentence 3 - Prediction or recommendation

Our recommended essay structure above comprises of fifteen (15) sentences, which will make your essay approximately 250 to 275 words.

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