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Writing Samples /
Band 4

some people think that the government should take care of disadvantaged people such as the unemployed and homeless people. Do you agree or dis agree?

#people #government #care #dis
There have
some
Add a missing verb
been some
show examples
argue
Replace the word
arguments
show examples
 about that topic
government
 should take care of
that
Correct determiner usage
the
show examples
people
 who are
suffer for
Wrong verb form
suffering
show examples
 unemployed and homeless
while
 others believe it is weast of money if
government
Correct article usage
the government
show examples
 invest
for
Change preposition
in
show examples
 homeless
people
. In my opinion, I
compleatly
Correct your spelling
completely
 agree with
this
 statement
whereas
Correct word choice
that
show examples
government
shoud
Correct your spelling
should
 take care
for
Change preposition
of
show examples
 them. In
this
 essay, I will discuss
about
Remove the preposition
apply
show examples
that topic and
shear
Verb problem
share
show examples
 my opinion. On the one hand,some
individual
Fix the agreement mistake
individuals
show examples
 believe that
government
 should not invest money
for
Change preposition
in
show examples
them
Correct pronoun usage
those
show examples
 who are homeless
instead
Correct word choice
but instead
show examples
of
Change preposition
in
show examples
others sector
Fix the agreement mistake
other sectors
show examples
such
 as education
healt
Correct your spelling
health
 so on. A country
depend
Change the verb form
depends
show examples
 on the education sector where educated
people
are
Unnecessary verb
apply
show examples
work for
there
Correct your spelling
their
show examples
 country.
For example
,
Japanise
Correct your spelling
Japanese
show examples
people
 are educated 99% where most of
people
Add an article
the people
show examples
 are doing
job
Add an article
the job
a job
show examples
 because
Correct article usage
the Japan
show examples
Japan
Correct your spelling
Japanese government
show examples
Government
 invet on
there
Replace the word
their
show examples
 education sector.
On the other hand
, it is admittedly true that only
government
 can help
disadvantages
Replace the word
disadvantaged
show examples
people
 who are homeless.
unmployement
Correct your spelling
Unemployment
 is a
dangers
Change the noun form
danger
show examples
 for a nation where
people
motivated
Add a missing verb
are motivated
show examples
 by
crime
. For a
sucessfull
Correct your spelling
successful
 example, a
bangladesh
Change the capitalization
Bangladesh
show examples
news paper
Correct your spelling
newspaper
show examples
publiesh
Correct your spelling
publish
published
a
Change the article
an
show examples
artical
Correct your spelling
article
 (Enayet Chawdury) where he
explain
Wrong verb form
explained
show examples
 about
proverty
Correct your spelling
poverty
. The
artical
Correct your spelling
article
 said that Dhaka Mohammad-pur
people
 are poor ,unemployed and homeless where
crime
Correct article usage
the crime
show examples
 rate too high, so police called it is a
read
Correct your spelling
red
show examples
 zone.
The
Correct article usage
Crime
show examples
crime
 will
be
Unnecessary verb
apply
show examples
decrease if
government
Correct article usage
the government
show examples
 invest money
for
Change preposition
in
show examples
 them or
build
Correct subject-verb agreement
builds
show examples
 some organization where they work.
To sum up
,
Government
Correct article usage
the Government
show examples
 must invest
for
Change preposition
in
show examples
 poor
people
 which
is help
Wrong verb form
helps
show examples
a
Correct article usage
the
show examples
 nation. Without
take
Change the form of the verb
taking
show examples
 care
unemployed
Change preposition
of unemployed
show examples
idividuals
Correct your spelling
individuals
crime
 rate will be high
where
Correct word choice
which
show examples
effect
Correct your spelling
affect
show examples
 a country's economy by
tourisom
Correct your spelling
tourism
.
Submitted by muhammadnaim194196 on

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task response
Make sure to address both sides of the argument and provide a clear stance.
coherence cohesion
Organize your essay in a clear and logical manner with a proper introduction and conclusion.
lexical resource
Expand your range of vocabulary and use more varied and precise language.
grammatical range
Work on improving your grammar and sentence structures.

Fully explain your ideas

To get an excellent score in the IELTS Task 2 writing section, one of the easiest and most effective tips is structuring your writing in the most solid format. A great argument essay structure may be divided to four paragraphs, in which comprises of four sentences (excluding the conclusion paragraph, which comprises of three sentences).

For we to consider an essay structure a great one, it should be looking like this:

  • Paragraph 1 - Introduction
    • Sentence 1 - Background statement
    • Sentence 2 - Detailed background statement
    • Sentence 3 - Thesis
    • Sentence 4 - Outline sentence
  • Paragraph 2 - First supporting paragraph
    • Sentence 1 - Topic sentence
    • Sentence 2 - Example
    • Sentence 3 - Discussion
    • Sentence 4 - Conclusion
  • Paragraph 3 - Second supporting paragraph
    • Sentence 1 - Topic sentence
    • Sentence 2 - Example
    • Sentence 3 - Discussion
    • Sentence 4 - Conclusion
  • Paragraph 4 - Conclusion
    • Sentence 1 - Summary
    • Sentence 2 - Restatement of thesis
    • Sentence 3 - Prediction or recommendation

Our recommended essay structure above comprises of fifteen (15) sentences, which will make your essay approximately 250 to 275 words.

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