IELTS Writing Correction Service /
Writing Samples /
Band 4

Some people think that certain prisoners should be made to do unpaid community work instead of being put behind bars. To what extent do you agree?

#people #prisoners #community #work #bars
I strongly disagree with the proponents of
an
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the
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 idea that releasing some criminals from
the
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apply
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prison in exchange
of
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for
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 public services is beneficial. I believe that It can disrupt the balance of society
what
Correct word choice
that
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 we have now. Releasing a convict in
the
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apply
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favor of community services poses a threat to the reputation of
judicial
Add an article
the judicial
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 system.
This
 is
due to
a
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the
show examples
 fact that
,
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apply
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 many criminals could bribe authorities in exchange
of
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for
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 less demanding punishment. In my country, many judges were found guilty of taking bribes from the relatives of criminals, in exchange
of
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for
show examples
 reduced sentences for them.
Therefore
, I could only imagine the disappointment of people in
such
society
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a society
show examples
, where implementing
this
law
 has the potential to
exacerbating
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exacerbate
show examples
 the prevailing corruption in the
law
 system.
Therefore
, allowing convicts to a
meager
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meagre
show examples
 sentence
of
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for
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 participating in public services should be discouraged.
Apart from
this
, releasing prisoners will be a deleterious development for the present and future safety outlook of a nation. If an
offeder
Correct your spelling
offender
offer
 is not sentenced for serving in
a
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apply
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prison,
then
this
 will cause him to revert back to his criminal pursuits.
This
 is because
,
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apply
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 community service is
painless
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a painless
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 punishment that will fail to Instill the fear of punishment for his illegal actions.
Also
, it will result in some individual
to embark
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embarking
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 on their journey of crime
due to
 less strict legal repercussions. In conclusion, the existing
law
 is more suited and shouldn't
accomodate
Correct your spelling
accommodate
 the new petition
of
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for
show examples
prisoners
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prisoners'
prisoner's
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release
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released
show examples
 into
the
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apply
show examples
society. It is crucial in order to ascertain that the faith of people remains strong
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in
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on
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in
show examples
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the law
show examples
law
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the law
show examples
 process, alongside
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apply
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with
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apply
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fostering
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a
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the
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a
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 sense of safety and security among
Correct your spelling
its
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it's
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its
show examples
 citizens.
Submitted by rohit.narad90 on

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task response
Your essay addresses the prompt but lacks depth and specific examples. Try to provide more detailed and concrete examples to support your points.
coherence cohesion
Your essay has a clear introduction and conclusion. However, the logical structure within paragraphs could be improved. Make sure each paragraph has a clear topic sentence and supporting details.
lexical resource
Your essay demonstrates an adequate range of vocabulary. However, try to use more varied vocabulary and expressions to make your essay more sophisticated.
grammatical range
Your essay shows a reasonable level of grammatical accuracy. However, watch out for sentence structure and verb tense errors.

Fully explain your ideas

To get an excellent score in the IELTS Task 2 writing section, one of the easiest and most effective tips is structuring your writing in the most solid format. A great argument essay structure may be divided to four paragraphs, in which comprises of four sentences (excluding the conclusion paragraph, which comprises of three sentences).

For we to consider an essay structure a great one, it should be looking like this:

  • Paragraph 1 - Introduction
    • Sentence 1 - Background statement
    • Sentence 2 - Detailed background statement
    • Sentence 3 - Thesis
    • Sentence 4 - Outline sentence
  • Paragraph 2 - First supporting paragraph
    • Sentence 1 - Topic sentence
    • Sentence 2 - Example
    • Sentence 3 - Discussion
    • Sentence 4 - Conclusion
  • Paragraph 3 - Second supporting paragraph
    • Sentence 1 - Topic sentence
    • Sentence 2 - Example
    • Sentence 3 - Discussion
    • Sentence 4 - Conclusion
  • Paragraph 4 - Conclusion
    • Sentence 1 - Summary
    • Sentence 2 - Restatement of thesis
    • Sentence 3 - Prediction or recommendation

Our recommended essay structure above comprises of fifteen (15) sentences, which will make your essay approximately 250 to 275 words.

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