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Writing Samples
Band 6.5

Children’s education is expensive. In some countries, governments pay partly or all education fees. Do the advantages outweigh the disadvantages?

The majority of people consider that governments should subsidize
education
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 and pupils should get free
education
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 regardless of their age and status
while
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 others believe that
education
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 free of charge may be disvalued by some children.
Therefore
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, there are a number of benefits and drawbacks to
this
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 statement. Let’s begin by looking at the
advantage
Fix the agreement mistake
advantages
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 sides, most citizens benefit from free
education
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 in many cases.
For example
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, in our community,
although
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 there are plenty of private schools, not everyone can afford to take
such
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education
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. What I mean is that paying for each child’s
education
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 involves a high amount of money as the number of large families with many children is rising rapidly. Another advantage is that the more individuals are well-educated in a society, the more considerably a
country
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 will develop. What’s more, in Japan, even though
education
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 is completely free, every pupil has to create something new before finishing school. That’s why, Japan is considered one of the most dominant countries in any majors. When it comes to the disadvantages of free
education
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, some pupils ignore
such
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 a system and
this
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 attitude influences the quality of
education
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 negatively. As an example of
this
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 view, in our
country
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, some schoolchildren tend to waste their precious time and they do not focus on gaining knowledge or particular skills owing to free
education
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 as if everything goes smoothly and everything else is costless in life.
As a consequence
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,
this
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 tendency adversely affected the economy of the
country
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.
Moreover
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, teaching in public schools is inferior to that of private ones and
this
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 conflict results in the opening of private schools throughout our
country
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. In conclusion,
whereas
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 some governments support
education
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 partially or fully, it would be better to control school curriculum and provide children with effective
education
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.

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coherence cohesion
Ensure that each paragraph has a clear topic sentence and supports the main argument. Use appropriate transition words and phrases to maintain coherence.
coherence cohesion
Provide a stronger introduction that clearly states your position on the topic. Include a conclusion that summarizes your main points.
lexical resource
Expand your range of vocabulary by using a wider variety of words and phrases. Consider using synonyms and more precise terms to convey your ideas.
grammatical range
Work on sentence structure and grammar to express your ideas more accurately. Pay attention to subject-verb agreement, verb tenses, and sentence complexity.
Topic Vocabulary:
  • access to education
  • financial burden
  • education quality
  • equal opportunities
  • investment in human capital
  • economic development
  • cost burden
  • misuse of funds
  • motivation
  • perform well
  • limited choice
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