IELTS Writing Correction Service /
Writing Samples /
Band 5

In many countries, people are now living longer than ever before. Some people can say an ageing population creates poblems for goverments. Other people think there are benefits if society has more elderly people. To what extend to the advantages of having an ageing population outweigh the disadvantages?

#countries #people #population #poblems #goverments #society
In today's world, there is
controversial
Add an article
a controversial
the controversial
show examples
trend
 which is the aging
population
. Some
people
 argue that
older
Correct article usage
the older
show examples
population
 causes problems for governments,
however
, others think that
this
trend
contribute
Change the verb form
contributes
show examples
 to
creates
Wrong verb form
creating
show examples
 many benefits
to
Change preposition
for
show examples
 society. Despite some obvious disadvantages of
this
trend
, I believe that these are outweighed by the advantages. One disadvantage of
older
Correct article usage
the older
show examples
population
 situation is the lack of skilled worker resources.
To
Change preposition
In
show examples
 particular, because one of the most significant elements of workers is well-being, an elderly
population
 may not be able to adapt
the
Change preposition
to the
show examples
 demands of the
labor
Change the spelling
labour
show examples
 market.
For example
,
while
a
Correct article usage
apply
show examples
agriculture production
which
Correct pronoun usage
apply
show examples
need
Change the verb form
needs
show examples
 farmers
having
Change the verb form
to have
show examples
 good health, the elderly may have to struggle to adapt
heavy
Change preposition
to heavy
show examples
 work
such
 as harvest and fertilizer, which
lead
Correct subject-verb agreement
leads
show examples
 to
lack
Correct article usage
a lack
show examples
 of
effectively
Change the adverb
effective
show examples
 productivity.
As a result
,
a
Change the article
an
show examples
aging
Change the spelling
ageing
show examples
population
 may cause
the
Correct article usage
a
show examples
 lack of skilled workers.
In contrast
, one benefit of
Add an article
the aging
an aging
show examples
aging
Change the spelling
ageing
show examples
population
 in many countries is contributing to the nation's sustainable development. To be more precise, because a portion of the elderly, who are many experienced working persons,
they
Correct pronoun usage
apply
show examples
can support young
people
 in different fields of their careers effectively.
For instance
, senior citizens can organize
the
Correct article usage
apply
show examples
forums to share their knowledge
such
 as management experience and
problem handling
Add a hyphen
problem-handling
show examples
 ability with those having start-up passions.
Therefore
, if
there
Correct pronoun usage
they
show examples
 had not been supported by the elderly, young
people
 would have
to
Verb problem
apply
show examples
faced many difficulties in their careers, which
contribute
Wrong verb form
contributed
show examples
 to
create
Change the verb form
creating
show examples
a
Correct article usage
apply
show examples
national development. In conclusion,
although
 there are some
people
argue
Correct pronoun usage
who argue
show examples
 that
older
Correct article usage
the older
show examples
population
 causes problems for governments and some obvious disadvantages of
this
trend
, I am completely in
favor
Change the spelling
favour
show examples
 of
Correct article usage
the aging
show examples
aging
Change the spelling
ageing
show examples
population is
Correct your spelling
population's
show examples
much
Change the quantifier
many
show examples
 advantages.
Submitted by yeshomeclass on

Unauthorized use and/or duplication of this material without express and written permission from this site’s author and/or owner is strictly prohibited. Excerpts and links may be used, provided that full and clear credit is given to Writing9 with appropriate and specific direction to the original content.

task achievement
You have provided a complete response to the task question and addressed both the advantages and disadvantages of an aging population. However, be careful with your use of language to clearly express your ideas.
coherence cohesion
The logical structure of your essay is generally clear, but some sentences could be rephrased to improve coherence. Additionally, you should include an introduction and conclusion to provide a strong framework for your essay.
lexical resource
Your use of vocabulary is generally appropriate, but there are a few errors and some phrases could be rephrased to improve clarity. Try to use a wider range of vocabulary to enhance your essay.
grammatical range
There are some errors in your grammar, particularly with articles and verb tenses. Pay close attention to sentence structure and revise your essay to correct these mistakes.
What to do next:
Look at other essays: