IELTS Writing Correction Service
Writing Samples
Band 5

In many countries, people are now living longer than ever before. Some people can say an ageing population creates poblems for goverments. Other people think there are benefits if society has more elderly people. To what extend to the advantages of having an ageing population outweigh the disadvantages?

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In today's world, there is
controversial
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a controversial
the controversial
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trend
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 which is the aging
population
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. Some
people
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 argue that
older
Correct article usage
the older
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population
Use synonyms
 causes problems for governments,
however
Linking Words
, others think that
this
Linking Words
trend
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contribute
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contributes
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 to
creates
Wrong verb form
creating
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 many benefits
to
Change preposition
for
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 society. Despite some obvious disadvantages of
this
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trend
Use synonyms
, I believe that these are outweighed by the advantages. One disadvantage of
older
Correct article usage
the older
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population
Use synonyms
 situation is the lack of skilled worker resources.
To
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In
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 particular, because one of the most significant elements of workers is well-being, an elderly
population
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 may not be able to adapt
the
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to the
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 demands of the
labor
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labour
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 market.
For example
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,
while
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a
Correct article usage
apply
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agriculture production
which
Correct pronoun usage
apply
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need
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needs
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 farmers
having
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to have
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 good health, the elderly may have to struggle to adapt
heavy
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to heavy
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 work
such
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 as harvest and fertilizer, which
lead
Correct subject-verb agreement
leads
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 to
lack
Correct article usage
a lack
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 of
effectively
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effective
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 productivity.
As a result
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,
a
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an
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aging
Change the spelling
ageing
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population
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 may cause
the
Correct article usage
a
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 lack of skilled workers.
In contrast
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, one benefit of
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the aging
an aging
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aging
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ageing
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population
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 in many countries is contributing to the nation's sustainable development. To be more precise, because a portion of the elderly, who are many experienced working persons,
they
Correct pronoun usage
apply
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can support young
people
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 in different fields of their careers effectively.
For instance
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, senior citizens can organize
the
Correct article usage
apply
show examples
forums to share their knowledge
such
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 as management experience and
problem handling
Add a hyphen
problem-handling
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 ability with those having start-up passions.
Therefore
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, if
there
Correct pronoun usage
they
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 had not been supported by the elderly, young
people
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 would have
to
Verb problem
apply
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faced many difficulties in their careers, which
contribute
Wrong verb form
contributed
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 to
create
Change the verb form
creating
show examples
a
Correct article usage
apply
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national development. In conclusion,
although
Linking Words
 there are some
people
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argue
Correct pronoun usage
who argue
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 that
older
Correct article usage
the older
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population
Use synonyms
 causes problems for governments and some obvious disadvantages of
this
Linking Words
trend
Use synonyms
, I am completely in
favor
Change the spelling
favour
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 of
Correct article usage
the aging
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aging
Change the spelling
ageing
show examples
Use synonyms
population is
Correct your spelling
population's
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much
Change the quantifier
many
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 advantages.

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Improvement Suggestions

4
task achievement

You have provided a complete response to the task question and addressed both the advantages and disadvantages of an aging population. However, be careful with your use of language to clearly express your ideas.

coherence cohesion

The logical structure of your essay is generally clear, but some sentences could be rephrased to improve coherence. Additionally, you should include an introduction and conclusion to provide a strong framework for your essay.

lexical resource

Your use of vocabulary is generally appropriate, but there are a few errors and some phrases could be rephrased to improve clarity. Try to use a wider range of vocabulary to enhance your essay.

grammatical range

There are some errors in your grammar, particularly with articles and verb tenses. Pay close attention to sentence structure and revise your essay to correct these mistakes.

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