Nowadays celebrities earn more money than politicians. What are the reason for this? is it a positive or negative development?
There is no doubt that these days
the
famous Correct article usage
apply
people
take
too much Verb problem
spend
money
comparison
with Replace the word
compared
people
who work in the government. The puestion
what Correct your spelling
question
are
the reason for Change the verb form
is
take
all that Change the verb form
taking
money
for
Change preposition
from
that
Correct pronoun usage
those
people
?.
In Change the punctuation
?
this
essay
Add a comma
essay,
i
will discuss why is it that and if it's Change the capitalization
I
positive
or negative improvement Correct article usage
a positive
also
i
will draw my personal conclusion.
In terms of Change the capitalization
I
positive
side, anyone who Add an article
the positive
become
famous Change the verb form
becomes
in
social media Change preposition
on
have
a lot of Change the verb form
has
money
. The main reason given support
Add the particle
to support
this
claim is that the company who have
Correct subject-verb agreement
has
product
give Correct article usage
the product
that
Correct word choice
apply
people
the products to make for them an ad
after that the company give them much
Correct quantifier usage
apply
money
because they the an
Choose an article
the
an
ad
. To illustrate, that
Correct word choice
apply
people
share their life
Fix the agreement mistake
lives
for
Change preposition
with
whole
world Change the article
the whole
such
as how they live or eat also
their gathering
because Fix the agreement mistake
gatherings
that
all Correct determiner usage
apply
people
love them. In others
words, Correct quantifier usage
other
people
spend whole their day watch that people
in
social media and that help famous Change preposition
on
people
to share about
a lot of an Change preposition
apply
ad
such
as resturant
or shops like that after that they earn more Correct your spelling
restaurant
restaurants
money
from the people
views.
Change noun form
people's
However
, the celebrities sometimes they don't finish their study
. Besides
, they have much money
than Correct quantifier usage
more money
politicions
Correct your spelling
politicians
people
who study
very well and they have a great degree. In others
words, that bad for Correct quantifier usage
other
people
who spend whole their life studying and suddenly come
someone who Verb problem
apply
spend
their life Change the verb form
spends
play
or Wrong verb form
playing
sleep
and only Wrong verb form
sleeping
make
an Correct subject-verb agreement
makes
ad
and get
more Correct subject-verb agreement
gets
money
. In addition
, may be
in future Correct your spelling
maybe
people
will stop study
and they will start to be Wrong verb form
studying
a
famous person because that Correct article usage
apply
people
take more money
anf
become rich fast Correct your spelling
and
such
as nowadays if someone want
that they should Change the verb form
wants
dancing
or sing Change the verb form
dance
be dancing
in
social media after that they become Change preposition
on
trend
and all Add an article
a trend
people
will follow them also
company
will give them a lot of Add an article
the company
money
to make for them an ad
.
In conclusion, it is evident that famous persom
shouldn't take more Correct your spelling
person
money
than normal workers. That negative development because they
are some Correct pronoun usage
there
people
study
hard to get a good salary, Correct pronoun usage
who study
must
ensure steps are taken to prevent Correct word choice
and must
this
phenomenon from deteriorating future.Submitted by xtra68687 on
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coherence cohesion
The introduction and conclusion are missing. Make sure to include them in your essay to provide a clear structure and closure.
task achievement
Your main points are supported with some examples, but they could be more specific and relevant to the topic. Try to provide stronger evidence to strengthen your arguments.
lexical resource
Although your essay shows a basic range of vocabulary, it lacks sophistication and variety. Expand your vocabulary to express your ideas more precisely.
grammatical range
There are several grammatical errors throughout your essay. Pay attention to your sentence structure, verb agreement, and word choice to improve your grammar.
Use cohesive linking words accurately and appropriately
Linking words are very important in your essay.
To score effectively on your IELTS exam, you should make an effort to implement short concise sentences coupled with linking words.
Almost every sentence in your essay should have a linking word of some sort.
In fact, the only sentences that can omit linking words are your background sentence and thesis.
Linking word examples:
- firstly
- secondly
- thirdly
- in additional
- moreover
- also
- for example
- for instance
- therefore
- however
- although
- even though
- despite