IELTS Writing Correction Service /
Writing Samples /
Band 5

Some people think that the school children need to learn practical skills such as car maintenance or bank account management along with academic subjects at a school. to what extent do you agree or disagree?

#people #school #children #skills #car #maintenance #bank #account #management #subjects
Training practical
skills
would be
Wrong verb form
is
show examples
 necessary for
children
, especially at schools, in fact,
this
 kind of
skill
 should be related to academic majors
that
is
Change the verb form
are
show examples
 more
benefical
Correct your spelling
beneficial
 for them. In my opinion, it would be more useful if
skin
Add an article
the skin
show examples
 is related to their
ege
Correct your spelling
age
group
. On the one hand, some people believe that
the
Correct article usage
apply
show examples
schools should
be have
Change the verb form
have
show examples
 more practical and applicable training
skills
 for
children
, but when these
skills
 can be improved
children
's life, that
are
Change the verb form
is
show examples
according to
 their age
group
.
For instance
, considering the simple activity of
the
Correct article usage
apply
show examples
agriculture like carrying trees with the right amount of water and fertilizer or
growth
Replace the word
growing
show examples
 the flower in their apartment
as well as
 cooking some kind of desserts and food are some simple examples of convenient
skills
 that are related to
under
Correct article usage
the under
show examples
 teenagers
group
.
Hence
, planning some applicable
skills
,
such
 as fixing
Add an article
the car
a car
show examples
car
Fix the agreement mistake
cars
show examples
, management currently issues or fixing electronic devices and stuff like
this
, for
juvenile
Fix the agreement mistake
juveniles
show examples
 and
younger
Add an article
the younger
show examples
group
Fix the agreement mistake
groups
show examples
 would be
assistanted
Correct your spelling
assisted
assistant
 them in
different
Add an article
a different
show examples
situation
Fix the agreement mistake
situations
show examples
.
Besides
, the more training
a
Change preposition
in a
show examples
variety of
the
Correct article usage
apply
show examples
skills
, the more
increasing
Verb problem
apply
show examples
their
capable
Replace the word
capability
show examples
in solving
Change preposition
to solve
show examples
 their matter.
Nevertheless
,
rise
Correct article usage
the rise
show examples
the
Change preposition
in the
show examples
 awareness of
children
in
Change preposition
of
show examples
 different
ages
Change the noun form
age
show examples
 groups would be
had
Unnecessary verb
apply
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the root in kind of their education at
school
 and
their
Change preposition
in their
show examples
family
Fix the agreement mistake
families
show examples
. despite, the
school
is
Wrong verb form
being
show examples
 the main place for them.
On the other hand
, if the schools
have
Verb problem
do
show examples
 not
known
Wrong verb form
know
show examples
 about
children
Change noun form
children's
show examples
 talents, certainly communicating the
skill
 to
children
 would be a
failure's
Change noun form
failure
show examples
 plan. It is not that, there should not train any
skills
 at
school
, because of
lack
Correct article usage
a lack
show examples
 of sufficient awareness about
students
Change noun form
students'
student's
show examples
 talent. It is that, it is better,
Fix the infinitive
to choice
show examples
choice
Replace the word
choose
show examples
 suitable
skill
Fix the agreement mistake
skills
show examples
is
Unnecessary verb
apply
show examples
according to
 their
students
Change to a genitive case
student's
students'
show examples
 interests.
For instance
, when
interest
Add an article
the interest
show examples
 of some child is making a mechanical device, surely, educating the cookery
skill
not
Add a missing verb
is not
show examples
 their type and suitable for them. From my point of view, educating the
currently
Change the adverb
current
show examples
 management in
bank
Add an article
the bank
a bank
show examples
 and all
skills
 related to it would be crucial for every child, just because of its impact
in
Change preposition
on
show examples
 their future. In conclusion, I think these days, the training at the
school
 should be updated
according to
 the
children
Change noun form
children's
show examples
 age
group
 and
known
Wrong verb form
know
show examples
 their interest in training new
skills
, so it is better
that is
 more practical and applicable
in
Change preposition
to
show examples
children
's lifestyle especially, in the future.
Submitted by Pegahghaderi85 on

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task response
Ensure that you clearly address the prompt and express your opinion about the extent to which you agree or disagree with the idea of teaching practical skills in schools.
coherence and cohesion
Work on organizing your ideas in a logical and coherent manner. Make sure each paragraph has a clear main point and that your ideas flow smoothly.
lexical resource
Expand your range of vocabulary. Try to use more varied and precise language to express your ideas.
grammatical range
Pay attention to your sentence structure and grammar. Use complex sentences and a variety of grammatical structures to demonstrate your language skills.

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