Some people believe that the government should spend more money in putting in more works of art like painting and statutes in cities to make them better places to live in. To what extent do you agree or disagree?
Few individuals think that the authorities should invest in works of art, like paintings and statues, in towns to make the area more attractive to live in. I completely agree because investing additional resources in artwork and statues can increase the population of tourist activities, and
bringing
about more employment opportunities. Wrong verb form
bring
Although
, there are better projects to execute for the environment to make the city a better place.
Firstly
, putting additional resources into creating innovative paintings and sculptures can add more value and culture to the area, thereby bringing more tourists to learn more about the culture and traditions of the town. For instance
, foreigners can be intrigued by learning and exploring the food and cultural heritage of the people in their area, such
as their way of dressing.
In addition
, it can lead to rapid growth in the economic sector of the city. Some tourists are very wealthy people coming from a country that prioritizes an increase in wealth.They may want to invest in some sectors that they find fascinating. For example
, some of these may decide to build a startup company that would boost the income of the town. Therefore
, it can lead to the creation of new job opportunities for unemployed youths.
However
, on the other hand
, I believe the Government can focus on using the available funds on more critical issues like building more hospitals and health care spending centres, rather than wasting the taxpayers' money. Take, for example
, the health care
facilities that can be built and furnished with well-equipped medical instruments that can help win the fight against chronic issues.
In conclusion, Correct your spelling
healthcare
although
the Government can invest the funds into other ventures that would yield huge results, it is very essential. It is also
very good to focus on the paintings and statues, as this
would attract tourist enthusiasts and boost the economy massively.Submitted by m.bunmifausat on
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task achievement
Try to maintain a balance between discussing both sides of the argument. Currently, the essay leans more towards the positive aspects of investing in art over the potential negatives.
coherence and cohesion
Ensure each paragraph clearly relates to your main argument. This will strengthen the overall coherence of your essay.
coherence and cohesion
Include more connective devices to improve the logical flow of ideas between sentences and paragraphs.
task achievement
The essay provides relevant and specific examples that support the points being made, such as the mention of tourism and job opportunities.
coherence and cohesion
The essay has a clear introduction and conclusion, which frames the arguments well.
coherence and cohesion
There is a logical order of the main points, which helps in maintaining a structured approach to the discussion.
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