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Band 4.5

In many cities, planners tend to arrange shops, schools, offices and homes in specific areas and separate them from each other. Do you think the advantages outweigh the disadvantages?

#cities #planners #shops #schools #offices #homes #areas
The
improving
Replace the word
improvement
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 of standard
life
 in many countries
result
Wrong verb form
resulted
show examples
to
Change preposition
in
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 the plan to combine
to
Change preposition
apply
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shops, schools, offices and homes in a separate place. A lot
people
Change preposition
of people
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 support
to
Change preposition
apply
show examples
this
 strategy
due to
 their benefits
while
Correct word choice
but
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 I believe that has some negative effects
in
Change preposition
on
show examples
 resident’s
life
. On the one hand, the
dispose
Replace the word
disposal
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to
Change preposition
of
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 a specific area would lead to be standard
life
to
Change preposition
for
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 the
resident
Fix the agreement mistake
residents
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 when they are separated
with
Change preposition
from
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 the industry or supermarket. As can be seen
that
Correct word choice
apply
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they would have a good sleep standard because
it’s
Verb problem
it would
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 not be affected by the
noisy
Replace the word
noise
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 of transport activities.
In addition
,
atmosphere
Add an article
the atmosphere
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 is pure when having a
clearly
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clear
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 with each area as industry activities can not affect
to
Change preposition
apply
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homes or schools.
However
, it has positive aspects but
also
 has negative effects.
On the other hand
, the separating of each area could move to
other place
Change the wording
another place
other places
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 in order to
more far
Replace the words
farther
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 which result in
the a
Choose an article
the
a
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 lot people using increasingly transports
such
 as car, motorbike, … to serve their moving.
Furthermore
,
This
 problem would cause pollution
natural
Change preposition
of natural
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 habitats which is the
most
Correct word choice
biggest
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 problem in the contemporary day and it
also
affect
Verb problem
apply
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negatively to the standard
life
Change preposition
of life
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 of residents
as
Correct word choice
and
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 their health.
And another
Correct word choice
Another
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aspects
Replace the adjective
aspect
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 is a mixed
city
 could
be created
Wrong verb form
create
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the
Correct article usage
a
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 connection between people
together
Rephrase
apply
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which is a positive part because their improvement in communication
helping
Wrong verb form
helps
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 their mental health. And
also
 help the
city
 increasingly revitalize leading to
attract
Wrong verb form
attracting
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 more
the
Correct article usage
apply
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tourist to travel. In conclusion,
although
 the plan has many advantages, it
also
 brings more disadvantages that my opinion.
However
, depending on the
planing
Correct your spelling
planning
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 of the leader of each
city
 with their direction paths
thus
Rephrase
apply
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they could adjust to suitable
with
Change preposition
apply
show examples
their strategy to develop the
city
.
Submitted by cdiemquynh009 on

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task response
Make sure to fully address the prompt and express a clear opinion.
coherence cohesion
Organize your ideas logically and use appropriate transitions to improve coherence.
lexical resource
Expand your range of vocabulary and use more precise and varied words.
grammatical range
Work on your sentence structure and grammar to reduce errors and improve clarity.

Support ideas with relevant, specific examples

Examples make your writing easier to understand by illustrating points more effectively.

Examples, if used properly, not only help you get higher marks for ‘Task Response’ but also for ‘Coherence’.

When giving examples it is best to put them after your main idea or topic sentence. They can be used in the middle of supporting sentences or they can be used to start a new sentence. There is no rule for where exactly to give examples in essays, logically they would come after your main idea/topic sentence or just after a supporting sentence.

Linking words for giving examples:

  • for example
  • for instance
  • to illustrate this
  • to give a clear example
  • such as
  • namely
  • to illustrate
  • take, for example

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