More and more people are becoming seriously overweight. Some people suggest that the solution to this problem is to increase the price of fattening foods. To what extent do you agree or disagree?

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Overweight
Add a missing verb
Being overweight
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might be a serious issue nowadays.
However
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, I disagree with those who have
opinion
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the opinion
an opinion
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that the solution
of
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to
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this
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case is to increase
price
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the price
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of
foods
Use synonyms
which consist of high fat, compared with those with
have
Unnecessary verb
apply
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other alternatives. On the one hand, the increasing price of fattening
foods
Use synonyms
might be a solution so that
people
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would not tend to buy
the
Correct article usage
apply
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expensive fattening food. They might think that
to eat
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eating
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fattening
foods
Use synonyms
needed
Wrong verb form
needs
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maximal effort in the context of gaining money. The pricey fattening
foods
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could
also
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make
the
Correct article usage
apply
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society become to prefer eat
non high-fat
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non-high-fat
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foods
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so that they consume other nutrient components
along with
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avoided by
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avoiding
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fatty
foods
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. It could
appeared
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appear
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an awareness about fattening
foods
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.
On the other hand
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, not all overweight
people
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are poor,
that is
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why
this
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is not an effective method.
Moreover
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,
fat
Replace the word
fatty
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foods
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are
also
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needed
for
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by
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some
people
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who
have
Verb problem
are
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underweight and not all of them are rich,
it
Correct pronoun usage
which
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will cause
the
Correct article usage
a
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new problem,
which
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apply
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called
Correct article usage
the social-economic
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social-economic
Correct your spelling
socioeconomic
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gap.
In addition
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, either the obesity or overweight
people
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could diet if they have the motivation
for being
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to be
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ideal
itself
Correct pronoun usage
apply
show examples
.
For instance
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, an overweight person still
try
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tries
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to make a lot of money to have the pricey fattening food
as
Correct word choice
apply
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they want unless they have an intention
for
Change preposition
of
show examples
reducing their weight. Other methods that should be applied are the campaign
of
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for
show examples
healthy
Add an article
a healthy
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lifestyle,
such
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as exercise regularly, food diet, and so on. In conclusion,
rising
Correct your spelling
raising
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the price of fatty
foods
Use synonyms
might make
people
Use synonyms
think twice
to buy
Change preposition
about buying
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fattening
foods
Use synonyms
,
Linking Words
however
Add a comma
however,
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it is not an effective approach for making
people
Use synonyms
become aware of
overweight
Correct article usage
the overweight
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or obesity problem.
Submitted by hwidyadana on

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coherence cohesion
Make sure to clearly state your opinion in the introduction and conclusion.
task achievement
Provide more specific examples to support your arguments.

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For we to consider an essay structure a great one, it should be looking like this:

  • Paragraph 1 - Introduction
    • Sentence 1 - Background statement
    • Sentence 2 - Detailed background statement
    • Sentence 3 - Thesis
    • Sentence 4 - Outline sentence
  • Paragraph 2 - First supporting paragraph
    • Sentence 1 - Topic sentence
    • Sentence 2 - Example
    • Sentence 3 - Discussion
    • Sentence 4 - Conclusion
  • Paragraph 3 - Second supporting paragraph
    • Sentence 1 - Topic sentence
    • Sentence 2 - Example
    • Sentence 3 - Discussion
    • Sentence 4 - Conclusion
  • Paragraph 4 - Conclusion
    • Sentence 1 - Summary
    • Sentence 2 - Restatement of thesis
    • Sentence 3 - Prediction or recommendation

Our recommended essay structure above comprises of fifteen (15) sentences, which will make your essay approximately 250 to 275 words.

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Topic Vocabulary:
  • obesity
  • overweight
  • fattening foods
  • calorie-dense
  • healthier food choices
  • taxation
  • economic implications
  • social implications
  • subsidies
  • nutritional education
  • public health campaigns
  • nanny state
  • individual's right
  • consumer behavior
  • preventative measures
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