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Band 5.5

Currently, majority of people are willing to travel around the world to visit the sight seeying places because it is much more easier now as apposed to past. There are several benefits of tourism and there are outweigh the drawbacks.

#majority #people #travel #world #visit #sight #places #tourism
A plethora of people travelling to the European countries to see the beautification of the world.
The tourists
Correct article usage
Tourists
show examples
 are travelling to different places because of too many
tourism
 facilities available now.
However
, the question is whether the benefits of the excursion are higher than the demerits or not. The following paragraphs will explain
further
. A large number of people are taking holidays to beautiful places because they want to feel relaxed and enjoy themselves with their families.
Although
,
tourism
 offers great opportunities for emerging economies and developing countries.
Besides
this
, it creates job opportunities
and
Correct word choice
apply
show examples
strengthens the local infrastructure development and can help conserve the natural resources and assets of the
country
. To illustrate, in my
country
 the government has provided facilities for tourists and promoted
tourism
 and making money from it.
Consequently
, it generated 19.5% billion dollars in 2021 to increase the GDP rate. If the government give extra facilities for travellers
then
 it would benefit the economy of the nation. One of the most notable benefits of
tourism
 is its ability to promote cultural exchange and understanding. Visitors to the
country
 are exposed to a rich and diverse cultural heritage, which helps to promote a greater understanding and appreciation of different cultures.
Therefore
, it is possible to exchange cultures with different people and encourage their norms.
Furthermore
,
tourism
 agencies
are
Unnecessary verb
apply
show examples
also
motivatedalso
Rephrase
apply
show examples
motivates
Correct subject-verb agreement
motivate
show examples
for
Change preposition
apply
show examples
travellers to visit their local sites so they give economy packages. In a nutshell, tourists are preferred to travel to stunning sceneries and feel good because it is much easier to go anywhere. In my point of view,
tourism
 has more advantages rather than disadvantages because it promotes the
country
's local traditions and increases economic growth.
Submitted by mobinadurrani43 on

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coherence cohesion
Ensure that each paragraph has a clear topic sentence and supporting sentences that develop the main point.
coherence cohesion
Include a clear thesis statement in your introduction and a summary of your main points in your conclusion.
lexical resource
Expand your range of vocabulary to express ideas more effectively and accurately.
grammatical range
Pay attention to sentence structure and grammar to improve clarity and coherence of your ideas.

Support ideas with relevant, specific examples

Examples make your writing easier to understand by illustrating points more effectively.

Examples, if used properly, not only help you get higher marks for ‘Task Response’ but also for ‘Coherence’.

When giving examples it is best to put them after your main idea or topic sentence. They can be used in the middle of supporting sentences or they can be used to start a new sentence. There is no rule for where exactly to give examples in essays, logically they would come after your main idea/topic sentence or just after a supporting sentence.

Linking words for giving examples:

  • for example
  • for instance
  • to illustrate this
  • to give a clear example
  • such as
  • namely
  • to illustrate
  • take, for example

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Essentional vocabulary list for IELTS Writing 7+

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Topic Vocabulary:
  • sightseeing
  • majority
  • willing
  • easier
  • benefits
  • outweigh
  • drawbacks
  • boost
  • economy
  • job creation
  • cultural exchange
  • preservation
  • heritage
  • environmental impact
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