Some children spend hours every day on their smartphones. Why is this the case? DO you think is a positive or a negative develpment
Some
children
spends
too much Change the verb form
spend
time
on their phones
because this
small gadgets give Change the determiner
these
wide
range Correct article usage
a wide
options
to do and these activities make them addictive. These bring lots of drawbacks that Change preposition
of options
effect
their Correct your spelling
affect
overall
health and future carier
.
Smartphones open Correct your spelling
careers
gate
to Add an article
the gate
a gate
different
universe Add an article
the different
a different
that
you can play Correct word choice
where
game
, Fix the agreement mistake
games
listen
music or Add the preposition
listen to
texting
with your friends at the same Wrong verb form
text
time
without spend
any Change the verb form
spending
efford
. Correct your spelling
effort
This
variety of action with less effort make
people Change the verb form
makes
Correct word choice
addicted
addictive
because our brains Replace the word
addicted
not
programmed to do these things without energy consumption in a short Add a missing verb
are not
time
. Furthermore
, companies , Correct pronoun usage
that
who
Correct pronoun usage
that
develops
Change the verb form
develop
softwares
for Correct your spelling
software
phones
, Wrong verb form
work
working
with Wrong verb form
work
special
scientist to find a way Add an article
a special
Change preposition
to
for
influence people Change preposition
to
Correct quantifier usage
apply
more
to use their application and Fix the agreement mistake
apply
this
effect
Correct your spelling
affects
children
more because they Verb problem
apply
are
lack of from self control. Unnecessary verb
apply
Their
front brain area which is responsible for addiction is Change the word
The
unmature
until Correct your spelling
unmatured
immature
Correct pronoun usage
their tweenties
tweenties
and Correct your spelling
twenties
this
weakness increase
their Change the verb form
increases
time
spending
on mobile devices.
Replace the word
spent
Children
who spend hours in
their Change preposition
on
phones
facing with
negative outcomes. Wrong verb form
face
Firstly
, it reduces their overall
movement during week
which Add an article
the week
increase
obesity risks and Change the verb form
increases
reduce
their muscle density. Change the verb form
reduces
Also
, when they spend more time
on the screen, they are taking more blue light from devices that
Correct pronoun usage
which
affect
their sleep quality and Correct subject-verb agreement
affects
this
alter
their brain development too. Change the verb form
alters
Secondly
, using mobile phones
reduce
their attention Correct subject-verb agreement
reduces
time
which followed
by reduced focus Add a missing verb
is followed
that
most crucial element for building Correct determiner usage
the
Correct article usage
a succesfull
succesfull
career in Correct your spelling
successful
long
term. Add an article
the long
Lastly
, they spend less hour
with their which Fix the agreement mistake
fewer hours
cause
Correct subject-verb agreement
causes
to
less developed social skills.
In conclusion, Correct pronoun usage
them to
children
have different reason
to Fix the agreement mistake
reasons
over use
smartphones and if their parents don’t monitor Correct your spelling
overuse
children
’s screen time
, they will face with
serious issues.Change preposition
apply
Submitted by airbender on
Unauthorized use and/or duplication of this material without express and written permission from this site’s author and/or owner is strictly prohibited. Excerpts and links may be used, provided that full and clear credit is given to Writing9 with appropriate and specific direction to the original content.
coherence cohesion
Ensure that there is a clear introduction and conclusion in the essay. You could also consider providing a brief overview of the main points.
coherence cohesion
Provide more supporting details and examples to strengthen your main points.
lexical resource
Work on expanding your range of vocabulary and using more precise and varied vocabulary.
grammatical range
Pay attention to sentence structure and grammar to ensure accuracy and coherence in your writing.
Fully explain your ideas
To get an excellent score in the IELTS Task 2 writing section, one of the easiest and most effective tips is structuring your writing in the most solid format. A great argument essay structure may be divided to four paragraphs, in which comprises of four sentences (excluding the conclusion paragraph, which comprises of three sentences).
For we to consider an essay structure a great one, it should be looking like this:
- Paragraph 1 - Introduction
- Sentence 1 - Background statement
- Sentence 2 - Detailed background statement
- Sentence 3 - Thesis
- Sentence 4 - Outline sentence
- Paragraph 2 - First supporting paragraph
- Sentence 1 - Topic sentence
- Sentence 2 - Example
- Sentence 3 - Discussion
- Sentence 4 - Conclusion
- Paragraph 3 - Second supporting paragraph
- Sentence 1 - Topic sentence
- Sentence 2 - Example
- Sentence 3 - Discussion
- Sentence 4 - Conclusion
- Paragraph 4 - Conclusion
- Sentence 1 - Summary
- Sentence 2 - Restatement of thesis
- Sentence 3 - Prediction or recommendation
Our recommended essay structure above comprises of fifteen (15) sentences, which will make your essay approximately 250 to 275 words.