IELTS Writing Correction Service
Writing Samples
Band 7.5

Wealthy nations should assist poorer countries with humanitarian relief during natural disaster. Do you agree or disagree?

#nations #countries #relief #disaster
✨ Do you want to improve your IELTS writing?
It is argued that developed
countries
Use synonyms
 should provide humanitarian help to less developed
nations
Use synonyms
 when they are struck by a natural
disaster
Use synonyms
.
This
Linking Words
 essay agrees with the statement that developed
countries
Use synonyms
 should contribute with their humanitarian support to those less wealthy that not have enough health resources and cannot afford to relocate all their affected citizens by the catastrophe. Communities with less wealth do not have enough health resources to face a natural
disaster
Use synonyms
. When suddenly it happens most of their aid provisions could be destroyed or contaminated after the emergency, depending on the severity and type of
disaster
Use synonyms
.
Thus
Linking Words
, access to hospitals could be blocked and make the situation more complicated for those who need immediate medical attention. Considering the lack of resources of poorer communities to face the magnitude of the tragedy turned the situation into a challenge. An example of
this
Linking Words
 scenario is 15 years ago in Venezuela, where the local people were uncommunicated, by the torrential rain that never stopped for several days and the flood blocked all access to the emergency zone. International assistants in combination with the Red Cross and a more experienced crew arrived and were able to guide the Venezuelan rescue team. Poor
nations
Use synonyms
 are likely to have less efficient action plans in place during natural disasters, which can result in a less efficient evacuation process. When more developed
countries
Use synonyms
 send their more experienced crews to assist the local authorities, more people are likely to be saved as they are able to combine their rescue and evacuation efforts.
Additionally
Linking Words
, relocating these local people to a safe place would be challenging for those poorer
nations
Use synonyms
. Following the example above, air transport, huge tents that were set at safe and harmless spots, food provisions and toiletries items are part of the humanitarian help that Venezuela received during the tragedy. Despite the material and human loss, a combined effort from overseas and local authorities allowed to save a considerable amount of the most affected citizens by the tragedy.
To conclude
Linking Words
, developed
nations
Use synonyms
 should assist with humanitarian support to
that
Correct word choice
apply
show examples
poorer
countries
Use synonyms
 that are having a difficult time with a natural
disaster
Use synonyms
 because these
nations
Use synonyms
 in need are unable to cover the health emergency and provide fair assistance to their citizens.
Submitted by mantonieta.albarracin on

Unauthorized use and/or duplication of this material without express and written permission from this site’s author and/or owner is strictly prohibited. Excerpts and links may be used, provided that full and clear credit is given to Writing9 with appropriate and specific direction to the original content.

task response
The essay addresses the prompt and presents a clear argument in support of wealthy nations providing humanitarian relief to poorer countries during natural disasters. However, in future essays, consider providing a counterargument and refutation to strengthen the overall argument.
coherence cohesion
The logical structure of the essay is generally strong, with well-developed paragraphs and clear progression of ideas. However, there is room for improvement in the introduction and conclusion. Ensure that the thesis statement and overall argument are clearly stated in the introduction, and provide a concise summary of the main points in the conclusion.
lexical resource
The essay demonstrates a good range of vocabulary and effectively uses specific examples to support the argument. However, to further improve, aim to incorporate a wider variety of vocabulary and avoid repetition of words or phrases.
grammatical range
The essay displays a solid command of grammar, with accurate sentence structures and appropriate use of tenses. However, to enhance the grammatical range, try incorporating more complex sentence structures, such as conditional sentences or passive voice.

Fully explain your ideas

To get an excellent score in the IELTS Task 2 writing section, one of the easiest and most effective tips is structuring your writing in the most solid format. A great argument essay structure may be divided to four paragraphs, in which comprises of four sentences (excluding the conclusion paragraph, which comprises of three sentences).

For we to consider an essay structure a great one, it should be looking like this:

  • Paragraph 1 - Introduction
    • Sentence 1 - Background statement
    • Sentence 2 - Detailed background statement
    • Sentence 3 - Thesis
    • Sentence 4 - Outline sentence
  • Paragraph 2 - First supporting paragraph
    • Sentence 1 - Topic sentence
    • Sentence 2 - Example
    • Sentence 3 - Discussion
    • Sentence 4 - Conclusion
  • Paragraph 3 - Second supporting paragraph
    • Sentence 1 - Topic sentence
    • Sentence 2 - Example
    • Sentence 3 - Discussion
    • Sentence 4 - Conclusion
  • Paragraph 4 - Conclusion
    • Sentence 1 - Summary
    • Sentence 2 - Restatement of thesis
    • Sentence 3 - Prediction or recommendation

Our recommended essay structure above comprises of fifteen (15) sentences, which will make your essay approximately 250 to 275 words.

Discover more tips in The Ultimate Guide to Get a Target Band Score of 7+ »— a book that's free for 🚀 Premium users.

What to do next:
Look at other essays: