We are becoming increasingly dependent on cumputers they are used in business, hospitals, crime detection and even to fly planes.what things will they be used in the future? it this dependence on computers a good thing or should we be more suspicious of their benefits?

#cumputers #business #hospitals #crime #detection #planes #future #dependence #computers

Nowadays,

computers

play a major role in almost every

aspects

Change to a singular noun

aspect

show examples

of our lives, and

this

seems to be a progressive pattern. In my opinion, in the future many jobs will be replaced by

computers

, and I think of it as a positive achievement with lots of benefits.

It is clear that

Remove the comma

apply

show examples

computers

have already replaced many jobs,

such

as accounting and data

analysing

Replace the word

analysis

show examples

stock

Add an article

the stock

show examples

market. I believe

this

is not the peak of computer advancements, and in the future, technology and especially artificial intelligence will substitute careers like teaching.

For example

, there is an

ai-based

Correct your spelling

AI-based

show examples

program called Chat-GPT that has access to almost every data available online, and you can simply ask any questions, and the Chat-GPT will have an answer ready for you.

Moreover

computers

can even have a huge impact on the movie industry.

For example

, scientists can remake or upload an actor's face and voice using

computers

, and produce movies even after their death. I think

benefits

Correct article usage

the benefits

show examples

of these advancements in computer science, and its integration with human life outweigh the drawbacks. Because

computers

are way more accurate at calculations and they perform tasks better and more

efficient

Change the word

efficiently

show examples

hence

, they're less likely to make mistakes. Machines and robots, which are products of computer science progression, reduce men's workload

and

Correct word choice

apply

show examples

make hard tasks a lot easier, and

also

reduce workplace accidents and casualties.

In addition

, a computer-based workforce is cheaper to run and the extra money can be spent on charity and social services. In conclusion, I personally believe with

technology

Replace the word

technological

show examples

enhancements,

computers

will take over many jobs in the future and I think

this

should be considered a good thing

due to

benefits

Correct article usage

the benefits

show examples

that they bring us.

Submitted by mohsen.pn1998 on Sat Nov 04 2023

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task response

Your essay provides a clear response to the task, discussing both the future uses of computers and your opinion on their benefits. Well done!

coherence cohesion

The logical structure of your essay is generally sound, with a clear introduction, body paragraphs, and conclusion. However, make sure to use appropriate transition words and phrases to improve the overall coherence and cohesion.

lexical resource

Your use of vocabulary is good, but try to incorporate more advanced and varied vocabulary to enhance your essay. Additionally, consider the use of specific and precise language to convey your ideas.

grammatical range

Your essay demonstrates a good command of grammar, with only minor errors. However, strive for more complex sentence structures and varied sentence beginnings to showcase a wider range of grammatical structures.

Answer the 'Advantages and Disadvantages' topic

IELTS advantages and disadvantages questions normally give you a statement and ask you to comment on the advantages and disadvantages of that statement.

Answer structure for the type of essay

Introduction
Body paragraph 1 – advantages
Body paragraph 2 – disadvantages
Conclusion

Examples to start your body paragraph:

The main advantage is...
The disadvantage of this...
The main benefit...
Despite these advantages...
One possible drawback...

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9Linking words
meeting the goal of 7 or more
1Word repetition
meeting the goal of 3 or fewer
10Grammar mistakes
 

4 paragraphs

281 words

0123456789.0505

Overall Band Score

Coherence and Cohesion: 7.0

Logical structure

Introduction & conclusion present

Supported main points

Accurate linking words

Variety in linking words

Lexical resource: 4.0

Varied vocabulary

Accurate spelling & word formation

Grammatical Range: 4.0

Mix of complex & simple sentences

Clear and correct grammar

Task Achievement: 7.0

Complete response

Clear & comprehensive ideas

Relevant & specific examples

Appropriate word count

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We are becoming increasingly dependent on cumputers they are used in business, hospitals, crime detection and even to fly planes.what things will they be used in the future? it this dependence on computers a good thing or should we be more suspicious of their benefits?

Answer the 'Advantages and Disadvantages' topic

Essentional vocabulary list for IELTS Writing 7+

Some parents believe that their children their children should do extra curricular activities after shcool. Others say in this was, children are under pressure. Discuss both views and give your opinion

Some people believe today that everyone has a right to access to the Internet and that governments should provide this access for free. Other people believe that access to the internet is not a right and should be paid for like other services. Discuss both these views and give your opinion.

Some people believe that it is best to accept a bad situation, such as an unsatisfactory jobs or shortage of money. Others argue that it is better to try and improve such situations. Discuss both these views and give your opinion.

In some countries, criminal trials are shown on television for the public. Do the advantages outweigh the disadvantages?