IELTS Writing Correction Service /
Writing Samples /
Band 5

Nowadays there are more and more advertisements. Some people think that they have a negative influence on people, and therefore should be restricted. Do you agree or disagree?

#advertisements #people #influence
At current days there are a lot of advertisements, more than in the past. A group of people believe that it is a bad influence on people and should be limited. I do not agree because freedom is one of the pillars of
the
Correct article usage
apply
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democracy, and restricting announcements is a kind of action against
the
Correct article usage
apply
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freedom. The advertisements are necessary
to
Change preposition
for
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the
Correct article usage
apply
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companies
show
Fix the infinitive
to show
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its
Correct pronoun usage
their
show examples
 brands and products. It is an essential activity to help shops and industries sell
its
Correct pronoun usage
their
show examples
 goods.
Besides
, there
is
Correct subject-verb agreement
are
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 several jobs and professionals that depend on
this
 business,
such
 as designers, advertisers, actors, directors, photographers, and others. There is a huge supply chain in
this
 business, and it moves billions of dollars every year.
Moreover
,
the
Correct article usage
apply
show examples
publicity is the best way
to
Change preposition
for
show examples
 the consumers
get
Fix the infinitive
to get
show examples
 information about companies and products.
On the other hand
, some types of announcements can be aggressive, impolite or appealing, and can influence the customers' behaviour on shopping in a negative way. Despite some drawbacks
on allow
Change preposition
to allowing
show examples
 all sorts of advertisements, I think it is the price that we have to pay for
the
Correct article usage
apply
show examples
freedom and
the
Correct article usage
apply
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democracy.
The society
Correct article usage
Society
show examples
 should restrict
negative
Correct article usage
the negative
show examples
 content of marketing
campaign
Fix the agreement mistake
campaigns
show examples
 by avoiding buying products from enterprises that unrespect the consumer or specific groups. It is not a role to the government or to a state agency, but an obligation for all citizens.
To sum up
, I disagree with any type of publicity control by organisations or public authorities,
however
, it is an issue for the community.
Submitted by fmulato on

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task response
Your response demonstrates a clear understanding of the task. You have presented a clear position on the issue and supported it with relevant arguments.
coherence cohesion
The logical structure of your essay is generally well-maintained. However, the introduction and conclusion could be more developed to provide a clearer roadmap for the reader.
lexical resource
Your essay showcases a good range of vocabulary and you have effectively used appropriate words and phrases to convey your ideas.
grammatical range
Your use of grammar is generally accurate. However, there are a few instances of errors and awkward phrasing that could be improved upon.

Fully explain your ideas

To get an excellent score in the IELTS Task 2 writing section, one of the easiest and most effective tips is structuring your writing in the most solid format. A great argument essay structure may be divided to four paragraphs, in which comprises of four sentences (excluding the conclusion paragraph, which comprises of three sentences).

For we to consider an essay structure a great one, it should be looking like this:

  • Paragraph 1 - Introduction
    • Sentence 1 - Background statement
    • Sentence 2 - Detailed background statement
    • Sentence 3 - Thesis
    • Sentence 4 - Outline sentence
  • Paragraph 2 - First supporting paragraph
    • Sentence 1 - Topic sentence
    • Sentence 2 - Example
    • Sentence 3 - Discussion
    • Sentence 4 - Conclusion
  • Paragraph 3 - Second supporting paragraph
    • Sentence 1 - Topic sentence
    • Sentence 2 - Example
    • Sentence 3 - Discussion
    • Sentence 4 - Conclusion
  • Paragraph 4 - Conclusion
    • Sentence 1 - Summary
    • Sentence 2 - Restatement of thesis
    • Sentence 3 - Prediction or recommendation

Our recommended essay structure above comprises of fifteen (15) sentences, which will make your essay approximately 250 to 275 words.

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