IELTS Writing Correction Service
Writing Samples
Band 7

In many countries, the number of animals and plant declining? Why do you think this is happening? How can this issue be solved

#countries #animals #plant
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In some countries, the
population
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 of
animals
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 and
plants
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 is getting smaller. Some reasons can be the cause of
this
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 matter.
Therefore
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, there are several options that can be done to solve the decline of
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animals
Fix the agreement mistake
animal
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 and
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plants
Fix the agreement mistake
plant populations
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population
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.
To begin
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 with, the causes of the problem should be determined to understand each variable that affects
population
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 decreasing. One of the main reasons is the destruction of their habitats. The habitats of
animals
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 and
plants
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 at some point, need to be sacrificed by humans so they can build their houses or exploit the resources.
For instance
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, to develop the farmland,
people
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 cut trees or burn down the forests.
This
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 can lead to habitat reduction and kill many
animals
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 and trees.
Furthermore
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, some surviving
animals
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 might be unable to find other food sources and die eventually. Another reason is overhunting and overharvesting.
People
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 tend to find the easiest way to fulfil their needs and for profit.
That is
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 why some
people
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 prey on a specific animal because it is easier both to be hunted and to be sold. It
also
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 happens for several kinds of
plants
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.
For example
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, the extinction risk of elephants is caused by human overhunting because the elephants can be very valuable for some communities. As the several aspects mentioned above, the solutions can be narrowed by the following actions.
Firstly
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, humans should control the exploitation of natural resources. There should be strict regulations for
people
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 who want to manage or replace the function of natural resources.
Secondly
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, a great punishment should be given to unresponsible hunters to reduce their will to repeat their wrongdoings. In conclusion, both the destruction of habitats and overhunting of
animals
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 and
plants
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 can cause their
population
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 reduced. Some actions can be taken to minimize
this
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 problem by making strict regulations and great punishment for someone who breaks the rules of
animals
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 and plant reserves.
Submitted by misstiasclassroom on

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coherence cohesion
The logical structure of the essay is clear, but there are rooms for improvement. Each point should be connected with the next one in a smoother way to make the argument more compelling. Incorporating linking words or phrases appropriately can enhance the coherence and cohesion of a text.
coherence cohesion
The essay is well-organized with the introduction and conclusion present. However, focusing more on aligning the conclusion with the points mentioned in the entirety of the essay can make the essay more potent and convincing.
task achievement
Even though the main points are supported to some degree, more details or elaborations are needed to enhance the persuasiveness of the argument. When talking about a specific problem or situation, try to provide more in-depth analysis or examples.
task achievement
You have provided a complete response to the prompt by addressing all parts of the task. However, make sure to continually keep your response focused and relevant throughout the essay to maintain a solid argument.
task achievement
Your ideas were clear and comprehensive, but try to ensure that you fully expand on each point. Detailing your ideas further will provide greater context and reinforce your argument.
task achievement
You have provided relevant specific examples to support your points. Continue to incorporate these examples and try to make them as specific and detailed as possible. This will further validate your points and engage the reader.

Your opinion

Don’t put your opinion unless you are asked to give it.

If the question asks what you think, you MUST give your opinion to get a good score.

Don’t leave your opinion until the conclusion.

Here are examples of instructions that require you to give your opinion:

...do you agree or disagree?...do you think...?...your opinion...?

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Topic Vocabulary:
  • biodiversity
  • ecosystem
  • endangered species
  • habitat destruction
  • global warming
  • carbon emissions
  • pollutants
  • poaching
  • invasive species
  • deforestation
  • overexploitation
  • urban sprawl
  • sustainable development
  • conservation
  • awareness campaigns
  • environmental education
  • legislation
  • protected areas
  • wildlife reserves
  • reintroduction programs
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