Nowadays celebrities are more famous for their glamour and wealth than for their achievements, and this sets a bad example to young people. To what extent do you agree or disagree?

#celebrities #glamour #wealth #achievements #sets #people

Today's modern world is highly influenced by famous

personailities

Correct your spelling

personalities

. Most of these people are gaining more attention

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from

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the youth for their attractiveness and money, rather than the life accomplishments they have achieved. I wholeheartedly concur with

above-mentioned

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the above-mentioned

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notion,

rising

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the rising

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importance of face value,

as well as

boasting personal wealth publically will prove

this

To begin

with, nowadays the majority of the young

populace

get drawn towards the facial features of a person, especially celebrities. Owing to

this

, more and more individuals are trying to match themselves with the looks of these famous people.

This

point of view

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apply

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is indirectly promoting getting a facial implant or a plastic surgery done on them to enhance their beauty.

For instance

according to

a survey, more than 50 per cent of the young

populace

undergo facial procedures regularly to look more like the celebrity they adore.

Moreover

, most of these famous persons are

extemely

Correct your spelling

extremely

wealthy too and they never forget to boast

their

Change preposition

about their

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expensive clothes and cars on media or various platforms. The majority of these individuals set a bad example for the nurturing

populace

by making them follow their costly lifestyle. To illustrate, more than two-thirds of the income generated by the young population is spent on buying expensive and luxury commodities.

To sum up

, the youth will continue to

get

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influenced by

the

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apply

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famous celebrities for their attractiveness and wealth,

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and as

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result

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result,

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the amount of

hardwork

Correct your spelling

hard work

they put into

profession

Correct pronoun usage

their profession

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is going

Wrong verb form

goes

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unnoticed. It's the celebrity's responsibility to direct the young

populace

towards a better and sound future

not

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, not

show examples

a chaotic one.

Submitted by mrigankingley2099 on Sun Nov 05 2023

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coherence and cohesion

Ensure clear and logical progression of ideas and arguments

lexical resource

Expand your range of vocabulary and use more sophisticated and precise language

grammatical range

Attempt more complex sentence structures and use a wider range of grammatical structures

Fully explain your ideas

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For we to consider an essay structure a great one, it should be looking like this:

Paragraph 1 - Introduction

Sentence 1 - Background statement
Sentence 2 - Detailed background statement
Sentence 3 - Thesis
Sentence 4 - Outline sentence

Paragraph 2 - First supporting paragraph

Sentence 1 - Topic sentence
Sentence 2 - Example
Sentence 3 - Discussion
Sentence 4 - Conclusion

Paragraph 3 - Second supporting paragraph

Sentence 1 - Topic sentence
Sentence 2 - Example
Sentence 3 - Discussion
Sentence 4 - Conclusion

Paragraph 4 - Conclusion

Sentence 1 - Summary
Sentence 2 - Restatement of thesis
Sentence 3 - Prediction or recommendation

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8Linking words
meeting the goal of 7 or more
1Word repetition
meeting the goal of 3 or fewer
15Grammar mistakes
 

4 paragraphs

262 words

0123456789.0505

Overall Band Score

Coherence and Cohesion: 6.0

Logical structure

Introduction & conclusion present

Supported main points

Accurate linking words

Variety in linking words

Lexical resource: 4.0

Varied vocabulary

Accurate spelling & word formation

Grammatical Range: 4.0

Mix of complex & simple sentences

Clear and correct grammar

Task Achievement: 6.0

Complete response

Clear & comprehensive ideas

Relevant & specific examples

Appropriate word count

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Topic Vocabulary:

glamour
wealth
achievements
portrayed
overshadow
influenced
lifestyles
unrealistic
expectations
values
promoting
hard work
perseverance
inspire
positive impact

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Nowadays celebrities are more famous for their glamour and wealth than for their achievements, and this sets a bad example to young people. To what extent do you agree or disagree?

Fully explain your ideas

Essentional vocabulary list for IELTS Writing 7+

The rise of social media has affected personal relatioships and society as a whole. Do the advantages of using social media for communication outweigh the disadvantages ?

You hired a car from a company, while. While you were driving you had a small accident. Write a letter to the company to explain it. In your letter: •when and where you hired it •describe how the accident happened •what kind of action did you take after the accident

The number of people who are at the risk of serious health problems due to being overweight is increasing. What are the reasons for growth in the overweight people in the society. How can this problem be solved.