Nowadays celebrities are more famous for their glamour and wealth than for their achievements, and this sets a bad example to young people. To what extent do you agree or disagree?

#celebrities #glamour #wealth #achievements #sets #people

Today's modern world is highly influenced by famous

personailities

Correct your spelling

personalities

. Most of these people are gaining more attention

Change preposition

from

show examples

the youth for their attractiveness and money, rather than the life accomplishments they have achieved. I wholeheartedly concur with

above-mentioned

Add an article

the above-mentioned

show examples

notion,

rising

Add an article

the rising

show examples

importance of face value,

as well as

boasting personal wealth publically will prove

this

To begin

with, nowadays the majority of the young

populace

get drawn towards the facial features of a person, especially celebrities. Owing to

this

, more and more individuals are trying to match themselves with the looks of these famous people.

This

point of view

Remove the comma

apply

show examples

is indirectly promoting getting a facial implant or a plastic surgery done on them to enhance their beauty.

For instance

according to

a survey, more than 50 per cent of the young

populace

undergo facial procedures regularly to look more like the celebrity they adore.

Moreover

, most of these famous persons are

extemely

Correct your spelling

extremely

wealthy too and they never forget to boast

their

Change preposition

about their

show examples

expensive clothes and cars on media or various platforms. The majority of these individuals set a bad example for the nurturing

populace

by making them follow their costly lifestyle. To illustrate, more than two-thirds of the income generated by the young population is spent on buying expensive and luxury commodities.

To sum up

, the youth will continue to

get

Verb problem

show examples

influenced by

the

Correct article usage

apply

show examples

famous celebrities for their attractiveness and wealth,

Correct word choice

and as

show examples

result

Add the comma(s)

result,

show examples

the amount of

hardwork

Correct your spelling

hard work

they put into

profession

Correct pronoun usage

their profession

show examples

is going

Wrong verb form

goes

show examples

unnoticed. It's the celebrity's responsibility to direct the young

populace

towards a better and sound future

not

Add the comma(s)

, not

show examples

a chaotic one.

Submitted by mrigankingley2099 on Sun Nov 05 2023

Unauthorized use and/or duplication of this material without express and written permission from this site’s author and/or owner is strictly prohibited. Excerpts and links may be used, provided that full and clear credit is given to Writing9 with appropriate and specific direction to the original content.

task response

Provide more comprehensive responses to all parts of the question

coherence and cohesion

Ensure clear and logical progression of ideas and arguments

lexical resource

Expand your range of vocabulary and use more sophisticated and precise language

grammatical range

Attempt more complex sentence structures and use a wider range of grammatical structures

Fully explain your ideas

To get an excellent score in the IELTS Task 2 writing section, one of the easiest and most effective tips is structuring your writing in the most solid format. A great argument essay structure may be divided to four paragraphs, in which comprises of four sentences (excluding the conclusion paragraph, which comprises of three sentences).

For we to consider an essay structure a great one, it should be looking like this:

Paragraph 1 - Introduction

Sentence 1 - Background statement
Sentence 2 - Detailed background statement
Sentence 3 - Thesis
Sentence 4 - Outline sentence

Paragraph 2 - First supporting paragraph

Sentence 1 - Topic sentence
Sentence 2 - Example
Sentence 3 - Discussion
Sentence 4 - Conclusion

Paragraph 3 - Second supporting paragraph

Sentence 1 - Topic sentence
Sentence 2 - Example
Sentence 3 - Discussion
Sentence 4 - Conclusion

Paragraph 4 - Conclusion

Sentence 1 - Summary
Sentence 2 - Restatement of thesis
Sentence 3 - Prediction or recommendation

Our recommended essay structure above comprises of fifteen (15) sentences, which will make your essay approximately 250 to 275 words.

Discover more tips in The Ultimate Guide to Get a Target Band Score of 7+ »— a book that's free for 🚀 Premium users.

Do you want to check your IELTS essays?

Submit unlimited essays, letters and charts. Sign up right now and start improving your writing skills.

8Linking words
meeting the goal of 7 or more
1Word repetition
meeting the goal of 3 or fewer
15Grammar mistakes
 

4 paragraphs

262 words

5.00

Overall Band Score

Coherence and Cohesion: 6.0

Logical structure

Introduction & conclusion present

Supported main points

Accurate linking words

Variety in linking words

Lexical resource: 4.0

Varied vocabulary

Accurate spelling & word formation

Grammatical Range: 4.0

Mix of complex & simple sentences

Clear and correct grammar

Task Achievement: 6.0

Complete response

Clear & comprehensive ideas

Relevant & specific examples

Appropriate word count

🚀 Prepare for IELTS writing section today!

Unlimited Task 1 checks
Get all the feedback you need to keep improving your charts and letters.
Unlimited Task 2 checks
Practice and perfect your skills with essays.
Personalized suggestions
Know how to boost your score.
Detailed mistakes analysis
Get instant feedback. Spot every mistake.
Topic ideas generator
Get topic-specific ideas to enhance your writing.
Vocabulary helper
Get the right words for any topic.
Progress tracking
Track your writing improvements.

Topic Vocabulary:

glamour
wealth
achievements
portrayed
overshadow
influenced
lifestyles
unrealistic
expectations
values
promoting
hard work
perseverance
inspire
positive impact

What to do next:

Look at other essays:

<4
band
In the future, nobody will buy printed newspapers or books because they will be able to read everything they want online without paying.
At this time, relevance of doing something online is increasing rapidly. Since the technology is developing, there are some problems that needed to solution. For instance, in the future only few people will buy old-fashioned newspapers or books as a result of becoming greater technology without paying. It’s clear that depends on how will perceive this next generation.
7
band
The cultures of many countries around the world becomes more similar than they used to be. What are the reasons for this trend? Is it positive or negative?
Nowadays, the traditions in many regions of the world are becoming identical if we compare them to the past. This is happening because of ease of the transport as well as the global reach of communities through an easily available internet connection. However, these changes are welcomed in various progressive aspects by the humankind.
6.5
band
Nowadays, a growing number of people with health problems are trying alternative medicines and treatments instead of visiting their usual doctor. Do you think this is a positive or a negative development?
It is true that many people show a high tendency to take home treatments as an alternative to conventional medicines these days. Although home prescriptions have some positive results occasionally, I believe the trend is backward progress mostly.
6
band
These days, more people are going to university than in the past. They start work later in life and with higher qualifications. What are the advantages and disadvantages of this situation?
In this day and age, the number of people going for higher studies has increased a lot which causes delay in their career start but with more advanced study. This essay shall outline the key advantages and disadvantages of this statement.
5.5
band
Some people think that the teenage years are the happiest time of most people’s lives. Others think that adult life brings more happiness, in spite of greater responsibility. Discuss both views and give your own opinion.
It is often argued that the most fulfilling stage of a person’s life is during adolescence, while others believe that adulthood, despite things like a job, family and money concerns, is better. This essay believes that although adults do enjoy more control over what they do, teenagers are more content due to the support they receive.

Nowadays celebrities are more famous for their glamour and wealth than for their achievements, and this sets a bad example to young people. To what extent do you agree or disagree?

Fully explain your ideas

In the future, nobody will buy printed newspapers or books because they will be able to read everything they want online without paying.

The cultures of many countries around the world becomes more similar than they used to be. What are the reasons for this trend? Is it positive or negative?

Nowadays, a growing number of people with health problems are trying alternative medicines and treatments instead of visiting their usual doctor. Do you think this is a positive or a negative development?

These days, more people are going to university than in the past. They start work later in life and with higher qualifications. What are the advantages and disadvantages of this situation?

Some people think that the teenage years are the happiest time of most people’s lives. Others think that adult life brings more happiness, in spite of greater responsibility. Discuss both views and give your own opinion.