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Band 4

Some people think school should only teach academic subject. Others think school should also teach students how to discriminate between right and wrong. Discuss both view and give you own opinion.

#people #school #students #right
Most people agree that pupils should only learn academic
subject
Fix the agreement mistake
subjects
show examples
 in
school
.
However
, others approach that pupils should
also
 learn how to identify between correct and mistaken.
This
 essay will consider both sides of the discussion. On the one hand, those who support
school
Fix the agreement mistake
schools
show examples
 should only teach academic
subject
Fix the agreement mistake
subjects
show examples
promote
Add the particle
to promote
show examples
 the idea that teachers should only concentrate on academic topics.By
this
Add a comma
this,
show examples
 we mean that teaching staff should improve
youth’s
Change noun form
youth
show examples
 studies.
For example
, teaching staff should help youths to increase their academic
subject
 which appears to have a number of high educational in the future.
Furthermore
, proponents have an opinion because each
families
Change to a singular noun
family
show examples
 have distinct
disciplines
Fix the agreement mistake
discipline
show examples
 and they raise their
children
may be
Verb problem
apply
show examples
different
Change the word
differently
show examples
with
Change preposition
from
show examples
another household
Fix the agreement mistake
other households
show examples
,
school
 should not interfere
expect
Verb problem
except by
show examples
 teaching academic
subject
.
Example
Add an article
An example
The example
show examples
 can be seen in if teaching staff intromit in the raising adolescence,
this
 will disturb parents training.
However
Add a comma
However,
show examples
 opponents of
school
Fix the agreement mistake
schools
show examples
 should only teach academic
subject
Fix the agreement mistake
subjects
show examples
 claim that because youngsters spend
considerably
Change the adverb
considerable
show examples
 time in
school
 youngsters should identify between correct and mistaken.
This
 leads to
children
grow
Wrong verb form
growing
show examples
 in all aspects
in
Change preposition
of
show examples
 their life.
For
instance
Add a comma
instance,
show examples
 if
children
 want to immigrate without their parents they should evaluate the situation right
of
Correct your spelling
or
show examples
 wrong.
Moreover
, another responsibility of
school
Add an article
the school
show examples
 is
about working
Change preposition
to work
show examples
 on
youths
Change noun form
youths'
youth's
show examples
personality
Fix the agreement mistake
personalities
show examples
.
This
 means
school
 has a significant role
on
Change preposition
in
show examples
 coaching
children
.Because
school
 can effect on youngsters.
For
example
Add a comma
example,
show examples
school
 is a place
that
Correct word choice
where
show examples
children
 considerably learning in it and because of
this
 teachers should teach
adolescence
Fix the agreement mistake
adolescents
show examples
obviously
Rephrase
apply
show examples
right
of
Change preposition
from
show examples
 wrong. In conclusion, I would tend to side with the opponents of
school
Fix the agreement mistake
schools
show examples
 should
also
 teach immaturity
how
Correct word choice
and how
show examples
 to distinguish correct between
mistaken
Correct word choice
and mistaken
show examples
.It seems to be crucial for immaturity’s future.It would
e
Correct your spelling
be
 more unreasonable to think
school
Fix the agreement mistake
schools
show examples
 should just teach academic
subject
Fix the agreement mistake
subjects
show examples
 because it’s just a
pieace
Correct your spelling
piece
 of
thing
Fix the agreement mistake
things
show examples
 that
children
 should learn in
school
.
Submitted by TUTOO on

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task response
The essay addresses both sides of the discussion and provides some arguments for each perspective. However, the ideas are not developed and supported enough, and there is a lack of depth in the analysis.
coherence cohesion
The essay has a clear structure with an introduction and a conclusion. However, the logical flow of ideas is not always smooth, and there could be better transitions between paragraphs.
lexical resource
There is a limited range of vocabulary used in the essay. Try to use more precise and varied vocabulary to express your ideas.
grammatical range
There are several grammatical errors throughout the essay. Pay attention to sentence structure, verb tenses, and subject-verb agreement.

Your opinion

Don’t put your opinion unless you are asked to give it.

If the question asks what you think, you MUST give your opinion to get a good score.

Don’t leave your opinion until the conclusion.

Here are examples of instructions that require you to give your opinion:

...do you agree or disagree?...do you think...?...your opinion...?

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