Nowadays, a growing number of people with health problems are trying alternative medicines and treatments instead of visiting their usual doctor. Do you think this is a positive or negative development ?
Alternative
medicines become popular these days and more Use synonyms
people
Use synonyms
start
to prefer these methods for Wrong verb form
have started
cure
Replace the word
curing
ilness
rather than going Correct your spelling
illness
illnesses
the
hospitals. I believe that Change preposition
to the
this
trend contains Linking Words
to
many risks for Replace the word
too
induviduals’
health. Correct your spelling
individuals’
However
, it Linking Words
also
has one positive aspect Linking Words
to
Change preposition
for
people
who suffer from cancer.
Use synonyms
Alternative
medicines do not contain any scientific background or cumulative knowledge based on literature and Use synonyms
human
body is so complex to understand without science-based approaches. Because of Add an article
the human
this
, any other alternatives Linking Words
rather
than modern Correct your spelling
other
medicene
can’t solve any problem that Correct your spelling
medicine
happen
in the human body. Change the verb form
happens
Furthermore
, Linking Words
alternative
cures can be dangerous for Use synonyms
the
Correct article usage
apply
people
who have an allergy Use synonyms
for
the specific chemicals that Change preposition
to
offered
by Add a missing verb
are offered
non-proffesionals
because when Correct your spelling
non-professionals
people
go to the hospital, doctors make lots of blood test to see if a person have any allergy to the pills before Use synonyms
the
treatment, but others don’t have Correct your spelling
they
these kind
of technology to check Change the determiner
this kind
these kinds
people
’s conditions.
Use synonyms
On the other hand
, Linking Words
alternative
treatments only can work for Use synonyms
people
who have Use synonyms
a
late-stage cancer. These Change the article
apply
people
mostly have Use synonyms
limited
amount of time to die after the doctors find Add an article
a limited
an aggressive tumor cells
. Correct the article-noun agreement
aggressive tumor cells
an aggressive tumor cell
Linking Words
Last
evidence shows that positive belief about treatment can increase Correct article usage
The last
people
’s lifespan and Use synonyms
this
is called Linking Words
placebo
effect. Add an article
the placebo
a placebo
For instance
, if the patient Linking Words
believe
that Change the verb form
believes
given
pill will save him/her life, it doesn’t matter that even Correct article usage
a given
doctors
give a candy as a medicine, the treatment will end with Correct word choice
if doctors
more
success rate. So, if these Fix the agreement mistake
a higher
people
have a strong belief Use synonyms
about
Change preposition
in
alternative
medicine, they can increase the time that they live.
In conclusion, from my Use synonyms
perspective
Add a comma
perspective,
people
should go Use synonyms
hospitals
and take help from modern medicine because Change preposition
to hospitals
alternative
medicines don’t have any positive Use synonyms
outcome
Fix the agreement mistake
outcomes
to
Change preposition
in
the
Correct article usage
apply
Use synonyms
people
life unless Change noun form
people's
if
they are not fighting Correct word choice
apply
with
Change preposition
apply
agressive
cancer Correct your spelling
aggressive
that
result shorten lifespan so quickly.Correct pronoun usage
apply
Submitted by airbender on
Unauthorized use and/or duplication of this material without express and written permission from this site’s author and/or owner is strictly prohibited. Excerpts and links may be used, provided that full and clear credit is given to Writing9 with appropriate and specific direction to the original content.
task achievement
Your response fully addresses the task and presents clear and comprehensive ideas.
coherence cohesion
Your essay has a basic logical structure, but could benefit from more organization and coherence.
lexical resource
Your use of vocabulary is adequate, but there is room for improvement. Try to include more varied and precise vocabulary.
grammatical range
There are some grammatical errors in your essay. Review grammar rules and practice constructing more complex sentences.
Fully explain your ideas
To get an excellent score in the IELTS Task 2 writing section, one of the easiest and most effective tips is structuring your writing in the most solid format. A great argument essay structure may be divided to four paragraphs, in which comprises of four sentences (excluding the conclusion paragraph, which comprises of three sentences).
For we to consider an essay structure a great one, it should be looking like this:
- Paragraph 1 - Introduction
- Sentence 1 - Background statement
- Sentence 2 - Detailed background statement
- Sentence 3 - Thesis
- Sentence 4 - Outline sentence
- Paragraph 2 - First supporting paragraph
- Sentence 1 - Topic sentence
- Sentence 2 - Example
- Sentence 3 - Discussion
- Sentence 4 - Conclusion
- Paragraph 3 - Second supporting paragraph
- Sentence 1 - Topic sentence
- Sentence 2 - Example
- Sentence 3 - Discussion
- Sentence 4 - Conclusion
- Paragraph 4 - Conclusion
- Sentence 1 - Summary
- Sentence 2 - Restatement of thesis
- Sentence 3 - Prediction or recommendation
Our recommended essay structure above comprises of fifteen (15) sentences, which will make your essay approximately 250 to 275 words.