Many people believe that teenagers spend too much time on social media. Write an essay in which you give your own opinion about this issue and propose solutions to it.

#people #teenagers #time #media

It is a common view that young people spend too much

time

on social

platform

Fix the agreement mistake

platforms

show examples

. The root cause of

this

problem is attractive

contents

Fix the agreement mistake

content

show examples

on social

media

. The solution is to help them make more real-life

friends

and encourage them to do outdoor activities. I strongly believe the main cause is appealing news on the platforms. It is because social

media

is designed to attract as many users as possible, so the designers make their websites

colorful

Change the spelling

colourful

show examples

and sort the news

according to

the users’ liking.

As a result

, users, especially

teenagers

, are addicted to social

media

and ignore their schoolwork.

For instance

, in Vietnam, there are many young people

use

Correct pronoun usage

who use

show examples

social

media

and

addicted

Add a missing verb

are addicted

show examples

to it. They do not do house chores and stay at home all day. A solution for

this

is to help

teenagers

make more real-life

friends

Teenagers

can have more

friends

by taking a new course or

invite

Wrong verb form

inviting

show examples

their

friends

come

Fix the infinitive

to come

show examples

for dinner or coffee. If they have more

friends

, they will be distracted from social

network

Fix the agreement mistake

networks

show examples

Consequently

, they will not be lonely and go out with

friends

more.

For example

, children who have many

friends

are less likely to

addicted

Add a missing verb

be addicted

show examples

to social

network

Fix the agreement mistake

networks

show examples

. Another solution is to make a timetable to limit the

time

spends

Wrong verb form

spent

show examples

on social platforms. By doing

this

young people can control

the

Change the word

their

show examples

time

better so they can have

time

Unnecessary verb

apply

show examples

eat and do their homework.

This

is true when

teenagers

try to finish their homework but get distracted by social

network

Fix the agreement mistake

networks

show examples

. They can easily finish it when they make a timetable. In conclusion, the main cause of using too much social

media

interesting

Correct article usage

the interesting

show examples

design of social websites. The solutions are making more

friends

and

Correct article usage

apply

show examples

making a timetable.

Submitted by [email protected] on Sun Nov 05 2023

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coherence cohesion

Ensure that each paragraph has a clear topic sentence and supporting details that relate to the main idea.

coherence cohesion

Include a more comprehensive introduction and conclusion that summarize the main points of the essay.

lexical resource

Use a wider range of vocabulary to demonstrate your ability to express ideas effectively.

grammatical range

Pay closer attention to sentence structure and grammar to improve accuracy and clarity.

Support ideas with relevant, specific examples

Examples make your writing easier to understand by illustrating points more effectively.

Examples, if used properly, not only help you get higher marks for ‘Task Response’ but also for ‘Coherence’.

When giving examples it is best to put them after your main idea or topic sentence. They can be used in the middle of supporting sentences or they can be used to start a new sentence. There is no rule for where exactly to give examples in essays, logically they would come after your main idea/topic sentence or just after a supporting sentence.

Linking words for giving examples:

for example
for instance
to illustrate this
to give a clear example
such as
namely
to illustrate
take, for example

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6Linking words
meeting the goal of 7 or more
4Word repetition
meeting the goal of 3 or fewer
16Grammar mistakes
 

5 paragraphs

290 words

0123456789.0505

Overall Band Score

Coherence and Cohesion: 6.0

Logical structure

Introduction & conclusion present

Supported main points

Accurate linking words

Variety in linking words

Lexical resource: 4.0

Varied vocabulary

Accurate spelling & word formation

Grammatical Range: 4.0

Mix of complex & simple sentences

Clear and correct grammar

Task Achievement: 7.0

Complete response

Clear & comprehensive ideas

Relevant & specific examples

Appropriate word count

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Many people believe that teenagers spend too much time on social media. Write an essay in which you give your own opinion about this issue and propose solutions to it.

Support ideas with relevant, specific examples

Cities are becoming overcrowded. What are the causes of this situation, and what can be done to improve this situation?

the most important aim of science should be improve people's lives to what extent do you agree or disagree with this statement

People nowdays send than talk on text messages more frequently the Phone What are the reasons for this trend? Do the advantages of texting outweigh the disadvantages?

The plans below show a public park when it first opened in 1920 and the same park today. Summarize the information by selecting and reporting the main features, and make comparisons where relevant