IELTS Writing Correction Service
Writing Samples
Band 4

The pursuit of wealth has become the main motivation for many business owners nowadays. Do you think this is is a positive or negative development?

#pursuit #wealth #motivation #business #owners #development
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Each
company
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 has its own targets from the
establish
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established
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 date. Determining the main motivation is very important because it has a huge effect on the
company
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's path.
However
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, it is considered a negative development if the main operation of a
company
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 is pursuing
the
Correct article usage
apply
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wealth.
Firstly
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, if
the
Correct article usage
apply
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wealth is the main point, the owner can ignore the societal benefits, they only concentrate on their career and ignore others.
For example
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, the owners will
try
Add the particle
try to
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 raise their profit by operating the business under the law,
that
Correct pronoun usage
which
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 can impact
on
Change preposition
apply
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the labourers
,
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apply
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 or tax authorities.
Secondly
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,
this
Linking Words
 main motivation can destroy our environment. Because they are only focusing on making money, they do not care
the
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about the
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 people or
habitat
Fix the agreement mistake
habitats
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around
Correct pronoun usage
around them
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.
For example
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, they are always ready to
destruct
Verb problem
destroy
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 an
eco-system
Correct your spelling
ecosystem
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such
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 as a mountain, a lake, and so on to construct a resort.
Finally
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,
this
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 purpose can lead to a
segement
Correct your spelling
segment
 position. Because the owners only focus on their own,
therefore
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, they are going to ignore everything and everyone.
Accordingly
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, they can give any other support or empathy, that can lead them to an isolated position when they need others's help. In conclusion, there are a number of adverse effects if the pursuit of wealth has become the main motivation for many business owners
such
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 as the
company
Use synonyms
's path, decrease
the
Change preposition
in the
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 quality of
environment
Add an article
the environment
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 and the support sources.
Submitted by huong.bx on

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coherence cohesion
Provide a clearer thesis statement in the introduction to clearly indicate your position.
coherence cohesion
Ensure that each paragraph focuses on a specific point and supports it with appropriate examples and evidence.
lexical resource
Expand your range of vocabulary and use more precise and varied language to express your ideas.
grammatical range
Pay attention to sentence structure and grammar to improve clarity and accuracy.

Fully explain your ideas

To get an excellent score in the IELTS Task 2 writing section, one of the easiest and most effective tips is structuring your writing in the most solid format. A great argument essay structure may be divided to four paragraphs, in which comprises of four sentences (excluding the conclusion paragraph, which comprises of three sentences).

For we to consider an essay structure a great one, it should be looking like this:

  • Paragraph 1 - Introduction
    • Sentence 1 - Background statement
    • Sentence 2 - Detailed background statement
    • Sentence 3 - Thesis
    • Sentence 4 - Outline sentence
  • Paragraph 2 - First supporting paragraph
    • Sentence 1 - Topic sentence
    • Sentence 2 - Example
    • Sentence 3 - Discussion
    • Sentence 4 - Conclusion
  • Paragraph 3 - Second supporting paragraph
    • Sentence 1 - Topic sentence
    • Sentence 2 - Example
    • Sentence 3 - Discussion
    • Sentence 4 - Conclusion
  • Paragraph 4 - Conclusion
    • Sentence 1 - Summary
    • Sentence 2 - Restatement of thesis
    • Sentence 3 - Prediction or recommendation

Our recommended essay structure above comprises of fifteen (15) sentences, which will make your essay approximately 250 to 275 words.

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