IELTS Writing Correction Service
Writing Samples
Band 5

Some believe that tourism does more to create tension between countries rather than helping individuals better understand other cultures. To what extent do you agree or disagree

#believe #tourism #tension #countries #individuals #cultures
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In today’s society, international
tourism
Use synonyms
 plays a pivotal role in every aspect of a country.
Although
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 some individuals claim that
tourist
Correct article usage
the tourist
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industry
Use synonyms
 creates
a
Correct article usage
apply
show examples
tremendous pressure between
the
Correct article usage
apply
show examples
nations, others argue that it helps to build up a proper comprehension
about
Change preposition
of
show examples
 other cultures. In
this
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 essay, I will explain why I disagree with
this
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 statement which
tourism
Use synonyms
 may be a reason for tension among
countries
Use synonyms
, and provide examples to support my position. On
one
Correct article usage
the one
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 hand, many people argue that
travelling
Correct article usage
the travelling
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industry
Use synonyms
provide
Correct subject-verb agreement
provides
show examples
in-depth
Correct article usage
an in-depth
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understand
Replace the word
understanding
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 the cultures.
This
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 is because, most travellers seek all the backgrounds, customs and rituals of
this
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 particular country before travelling there by using either the advancement of technology or social media platforms
such
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 as
youtube
Correct your spelling
YouTube
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, websites and online articles.
Therefore
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, there is no
any
Correct quantifier usage
apply
show examples
barrier to follow and respect
to
Change preposition
apply
show examples
other cultural beliefs.
Other
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Another
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 respectable fact is, if any foreigner does not have sufficient knowledge regarding the matters
about
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of
show examples
 cultural heritage places, as hospitable nations, the tourist guidance offers their best support for those travellers without any relationship between
countries
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 would be encouraged
due to
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tourism
Use synonyms
, enhancing their deep understanding other
countries
Use synonyms
’ cultural values.
On the other hand
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, the reason why many believe that the tourist
industry
Use synonyms
 brings
a detrimental issues
Correct the article-noun agreement
detrimental issues
a detrimental issue
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 between
countries
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 is that
,
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apply
show examples
 the terrible
behaviors
Change the spelling
behaviours
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 of
few
Correct article usage
a few
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 tourists lead to
the
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apply
show examples
conflicts
occurred
Wrong verb form
occurring
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 in renowned places.
For example
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, some travellers visit religious
spot
Fix the agreement mistake
spots
show examples
 more exposing their skin, which is not allowed. It may be
due to
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 their unawareness, but social media turn into a conflict which impacts the harmony between
countries
Use synonyms
.
Hence
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, I believe
tourism
Use synonyms
 would not
affect creating
Wrong verb form
create
show examples
 any tension between
counties
Correct your spelling
countries
show examples
,
instead
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 boosting strong
bond
Fix the agreement mistake
bonds
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 among other territories. In conclusion,
while
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 many folks opine the travelling
industry
Use synonyms
 provides
better
Add an article
a better
show examples
 opportunity to learn other cultures well, the outcomes of
this
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 field far outweigh other issues.
Therefore
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, I strongly disagree with the statement that
tourism
Use synonyms
 is inclined to
occur
Verb problem
cause
show examples
 tension between nations.
Submitted by adpremadasa82 on

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Task Response
Ensure that all parts of the prompt are addressed in the essay. Discuss both the positive aspects of tourism in understanding other cultures as well as the potential for tension. The essay mainly focuses on the positive aspects and could benefit from a balanced approach. Include a clear thesis statement to guide the essay.
Coherence and Cohesion
Overall, the essay demonstrates good coherence and organization. However, to improve coherence, consider using more transitional phrases and logical connectors to link ideas and ensure a smooth flow between paragraphs.
Lexical Resource
The essay showcases a varied range of vocabulary and effectively communicates ideas. To further enhance the lexical resource, try incorporating more precise and specific vocabulary related to the topic of tourism and cultural understanding.
Grammatical Range
The essay demonstrates a good command of grammar with few errors. However, pay attention to subject-verb agreement and ensure consistent verb tenses throughout the essay.
Topic Vocabulary:
  • cultural misunderstandings
  • stereotypes
  • economic disparities
  • over-tourism
  • environmental degradation
  • cultural exchange
  • mutual understanding
  • personal interactions
  • stereotypes
  • host countries
  • cultural heritage
  • cultural festivals
  • preservation efforts
What to do next:
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